Flat Tires?

“A lot of people, especially sisters, when they get married are no longer as active in da’wah. They become like flat tires. They were once inflated and exciting and doing this and doing that, then they get married and you never hear about them again. Don’t be a flat tire! And don’t be the obstacle for your spouse that causes them to be a flat tire!” -Sh. Waleed Basyouni, Torch Bearers

This is a quote that I had put up on my Facebook status as some motivation for myself. First of all, this status was not posted as an attack to anyone in specific, but rather a reminder to all of my Muslim brothers and sisters, and to myself. It’s not just for sisters because sometimes this is a tendency that is common among some brothers as well.

Marriage comes with a LOT of responsibilities, and especially for the sister, it is a lot of new responsibilities, including things such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, taking care of husband, children, and juggling work and school all at the same time. However we know that da’wah is encouraged, if not obligated (however you look at it) for every Muslim. In fact, some scholars say that one of the reasons we are allowed to stay in a Non-Muslim country is by doing da’wah.

Now coming to da’wah and practical steps and examples:

1. There is a saying that behind every great man is a great woman. One of the best ways we can do da’wah is by supporting our husbands in their da’wah works. If you look at Hajar, the wife of Ibrahim alayhissalam, her effort as a wife and a mother has left a legacy that will be remembered for the rest of time. Support his work, provide encouragement, and constructive criticism, and do not become a hindrance in his efforts.

2. We take our examples from the greatest women in history, the Mothers of the Believers, ie, the wives of the Prophet Muhammad (saws). They took care of the household and did much more than us, yet they were leaders in doing da’wah. Aisha, for example, was one of the greatest scholars of the time. At the same time, we have to take note that despite his (least to say) BUSY schedule, the Prophet (saws) took the time to help his wives around the house with chores. This just goes to show that household responsibilities are not just for the wife, but for the husband as well. And if both the husband and wife are involved with dawah work, then it is crucial that both spouses share the work in the house, so that the wife is not doing everything on her own.
3. A lot of people, when they ask “what is the main responsibility of a wife?”, are told, “their family”. However, as one scholar pointed out, this answer is incorrect. A woman’s first responsibility is to be a servant to Allah. Now, as a married woman, ONE of the ways she can fulfill this responsibility by being a good wife and mother, educating her children and bringing them up to be Muslims. This is an example of how she can do dawah at home. However, this requires effort. It’s not just about cooking and cleaning- it’s about educating oneself as best as one can in order to raise children as good Muslims and Muslimahs.

4. Practical examples of what married Muslim women living in America today can do in terms of da’wah:

a) The Internet- It is such a blessing that we have this medium we can use for da’wah purposes. Lots of American Muslim women have been very active in the dawah front using the Internet as a tool. And this does not even require them to leave their houses: check out a few of these websites that are run by Muslim women in America, all of whom are married and close to our age:

http://iamsheba.com/

http://www.habibihalaqas.org/

http://www.muslimahsource.org/

numerous female authors writing for http://muslimmatters.org/

b) Seeking knowledge- Alhamdulillah, we are living in times when knowledge is coming to us, instead of us having to travel miles to seek it. As a married couple, we should try to devote some of our free time to attend circles of knowledge together. In addition, numerous Muslim women have been starting their own halaqahs and classes. If you take a look at Al Huda Institute (http://www.alhudainstitute.ca/), it has been established by Muslim married women, and mashaAllah, they are doing an amazing job at producing women who are educated in the field of Quran. There are sisters in our own community who are married, are professionals, going to school, and have children who are hosting sisters study circles at their homes, including fiqh classes, tajweed classes, etc. All it takes is a few sisters to get together and agree to do something for an hour once a week.

c) Community work- when people think of da’wah, this is the first thing they think of and say to themselves, “I don’t have time for it.” But community work does not have to complicated such as leading an organization or serving on the board of an organization. It can be something simple like volunteering one night at a community event, designing flyers for an event, going to Downtown with the MSA for an hour once a month to give food to the needy, etc. Two of my good friends in Memphis are two of the best volunteers I have ever worked with- each of them are married, one is a mother of two, and both are either working or going to school.

At the end of the day, Allah knows our schedules and He knows how busy we are. At the same time, if dawah is something we are passionate about (which I hope we are), then some of the steps that have to be taken include:

a) Making du’a to Allah to help us in our endeavours (esp, during Tahajjud)
b) Discussing with our spouses how both individuals can share work in the house so that both are able to do some dawah work (again, it can be just going and volunteering or teaching for an hour once a week).
c) Manage our time more wisely- can I wake up an hour earlier today to finish school work and the laundry so I can attend an hour long halaqah in the evening? Maybe instead of a movie, I can go to the soup kitchen today with a local group to serve food to the needy, etc.

In conclusion, remember that Allah will judge us according to our intention and our efforts, for He (swt) has promised us in the Qur’an, “”Never will I allow to be lost the work of any of you, be he male or female” (Surah Al Imran: 195). Never think that what you do is miniscule, because on the Day of Judgment, Allah may just make your scales abundantly heavy because of your struggles. I hope this helps somewhat. Again, nothing is to be taken personally. This advice is to myself first and foremost, and may Allah forgive me if I said anything wrong or anything to hurt anyone’s feelings.

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Mehreen Khan’s hometown is in Memphis, Tennessee. She frequently works with the Muslim youth and volunteers for several Islamic organizations. She also teaches various Islamic Studies topics to the women and youth in her local community. She will be graduating this year with a BS in Elementary Education.