That’s why it comes as no surprise that the nourishing of their minds is a constant topic of discussion and debate. It’s no longer even just about what schools to send them to. Now the debate starts with what color toys your 5 month old should be playing with. Does black and white increase brain development or are bright colors more stimulating? Will allowing my toddler to watch TV cause developmental delays? Should I start my infant on a program that promises me that my baby will learn to read before he turns 2?  Or maybe instead I should be focusing on teaching him a second or third language; after all, the earlier they’re exposed, the faster they catch on.

Before you know it, your toddler turns 3 and the school debate begins! How are the public schools in my area? Maybe a private school will give him a better chance to succeed. Or an Islamic school will provide a better environment.

Along with these there is a fourth option that is gaining traction not only in Muslim communities but in the West generally. More and more parents are choosing to take the education of their children into their own hands and are opting to homeschool them. What makes homeschooling such an appealing option these days? And why do I choose to do it for my children?

Homeschooling in the west dates as far back as the founding fathers. Many of the “famous” Americans of the past such as George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, and Abraham Lincoln were what we would consider home-schooled. Being self-taught or educated at home remained fairly normal until the 1920s, when strict school laws began to be enforced. It was not until the 70s when the notion of rigid schooling was challenged and the idea began to gain traction during the late 80s and early 90s.

Growing up in the 90s, homeschooling was generally reserved for either a) anti-conformists who believed in “unschooling” or b) parents who felt public schools were undermining the religious upbringing they wanted for their children. When my parents decided to pull me out of school in the 2nd grade it was a controversial decision. There was no support from the school district and the only home-school groups in the area were heavily Christian and met at churches.

As the eldest home-schooled child in the family during the late 90s and early 2000s it sometimes felt like I was the guinea pig—being used to test out new methods and curricula. It wasn’t all bad but it wasn’t a well-rounded experience. I remember clearly telling my parents on many occasions that my kids would have the pleasure of going to “real” school. Yet here I am years latter spending my nights piecing together science experiments and phonics lessons.

My change in heart is partially because the public and Islamic schools in our area are not an option and partially because homeschooling has evolved. Homeschooling is no longer just about controlling the environment the child grows up in. It’s also meant to enhance their learning experience. Every child has a different style of learning and homeschooling allows you to tailor your curriculum for each style. Since children are given more one-on-one attention, they have more input in their learning experience. As the teacher, you also have the opportunity to include subjects not normally offered, or to speed up the lesson pace in areas where your child excels.

Add to that the fact that homeschooling materials are now readily available whether online or in print. There are affordable–even some free!–curricula to meet every need. If you prefer the more creative approach to teaching, there are templates, lesson plans, and suggested book lists for every subject. If you lean towards the stricter daily worksheet and scheduled assignment method, there are even state-funded online “public” schools that will provide you with books, science experiments, and even a monthly Internet stipend!

Homeschooling has come to be accepted in society as a legitimate method of education. Zoos and other educational attractions now offer discounts to homeschooling families. There are athletic leagues set up in major metropolitan communities dedicated exclusively to home-schooled children. And in almost every city you can find a support group not only for homeschooling families but for Muslim homeschooling families. These groups are great places to get ideas, plan activities, and set up science fairs and spelling bees. You can’t get any more real school than that!

Every family dynamic is different and what works for one doesn’t always work for another. Homeschooling takes a lot of time and dedication. However, with the advancements made in the last 10 years or so, homeschooling done right can be a fulfilling, well rounded experience.

InshaAllah in this series on homeschooling I hope to share my experiences on this journey as well as the many resources that I have come across.

Something I have recently noticed in the Muslim Community is Mothers are finding the need to defend their Birth stories, as though it needs explanation. It often seems like the friends and family of the birth mother are more interested in the “big question” rather than Mom’s emotional health. What? you don’t know what “big question” I am referring to? Let me paint a picture of what this looks like, for about 90% of new mothers…

Mom gets a few visitors at the hospital. She quickly pulls herself together hoping to look somewhat attractive. She finds the energy to put on a smile and greet her guests. Hoping the guests will do nothing but admire her baby, but after some initial meet and greet… the question eventually surfaces. “So I am guessing now that you know what labor is really like, your plan for a natural birth went out the window. Did you take the epidural when it was offered to you?” Mom hesitates, gulps and tries to avoid the question. She starts to tell the whole story, and ends up justifying and defending why her birth plan changed. She is Defending her Birth Story. However, at this point the visitors are not listening anymore. They heard what they wanted and that’s the answer to their burning question.

So, what exactly is wrong with this picture?  The thing is, Mom herself, has not had the time to process her own birth experience. She is burnt out from her adrenaline rush, eager to nurse her adorable baby and trying to remember where she put the extra baby blankets at home. At this point, Mom may not even remember all the details of her birth story.  The last thing she needs in an interview every time she meets an “experienced” mother.

People need to be more sensitive when it comes to how others have birthed. Just because you have experience does not mean you are necessarily qualified to truly educate someone on what birth could or should look like. Some will tell you that to aim for a natural birth is “unrealistic.”  Others may say things like “birth is too painful.”  That may have been true for them… but not for everyone.

I always heard while growing up that experience is the best teacher. Experience is a great teacher. However, there are two types of experiences: your own experiences and the experiences of others. We have all been to our own births. This means we are very qualified to talk about our own experiences, whether it is 2, 3, 4 or 5 births. But how many of us can say that we have been present for the entire time in the delivery room during someone else’s birth? What about 2, 3, 4 or 5 other women’s births?

The thought I want to leave you with is this: does the answer to the burning question really matter? Our community has become obsessed with the curiosity of birth. Sometimes even the Fathers will discuss births and ask the same questions as us women. When we wrap ourselves up in what doesn’t matter, we detract from what really does. A beautiful baby!

Whatever route he/she came by, it is always a blessing from Allah to hold a new life in your hands.

Birth is intimate, it is private and it is memorable- so long as we let it be.

By: Hira Khan
Doula, Mommy blogger
blog: alif2yaa.blogspot.com

Secondly, your child DOES have the attention span for an age appropriate book (with flexibility in mind). Small board books, soft books with one word or just a colorful picture you can talk about can be a wonderful experience for your baby/toddler.  Keeping it light-hearted and fun has been key to cultivating a love of books for my son. I believe, this attachment to reading is more important than getting all the way to the end or even reading the book in order from cover to cover.

I started off just reading books we had received from family and friends. Now, we take full advantage of our library as well. Eventually, he began to recognize characters, words, sounds, actions and anticipating things in the story. It is important to know how much their brains are developing through reading; it allows you to better appreciate the impact it is having on your child. I realized that although the books taught meaningful concepts: love, helping others, charity, hard work, they didn’t have the Muslim vocabulary or identity that I wanted for my child. When a character sneezes, I want him to say,” Alhamdulillah.” Inevitably my child will want to read that book (like he does with all of them) at least fifty times and he will learn that after someone sneezes they say,” Alhamdulillah.”

Now, I began inserting my commentary into the various books we have and looked for the opportunity to include vocabulary, concepts etc. that will help him understand what is going on around him. This is where the idea for these book reviews came from. I hope to include a review of a selection of Ibrahim’s and my favorites and how we modified, used and learned from them.

It talks about the all too common faux paus of wearing hijab we see everywhere. Bangs coming out, the slippery hijab, the arm sausages (body suits)…we’ve either seen someone doing it, or we’ve become a victim to this ourselves. SO once we’ve realized our mistakes, tuck our big dangly earrings back into our hijab, draw it around our chests and wear something looser fitting, are we missing out on all the “fun”?

Firstly, we should remember that these changes are seeking the pleasure of Allah and fulfilling His commandments. There is more fun and beauty than we can imagine in store for those who please Him. Secondly, there ARE ways to dress up nicely without crossing the boundaries and even staying a safe distance away from them.

Let’s also take a step back to realize that our self-esteem and confidence about ourselves and our bodies should not come from over the top or out-of-bounds fashion. Beauty can be simple, natural and elegant. This is the type of beauty that lasts changes in styles, age and stays within the bounds of modesty. In fact, modesty is beautiful and immodesty can be crude and vulgar.

So, although I’m not the most fashionable hijabi out there, here is a list of simple and subtle stylish ways to be a hijabi.

1. Make sure it is clean, ironed and fits appropriately. Something as simple as being freshly washed, pressed and fitting correctly (ie not too long in the arms, length, shoulders etc.) can make an outfit look wonderfully put together. If someone asks, “Do you sleep in that (hijab)?”, it may not be out of ignorance! Take the extra time to iron it out. If you wear mostly long, flowy dresses or abayas, invest in a standing steam iron, like this. Sloppy is never in style.

Here are three signs to look for when trying to figure out if an abaya is just the right size:

a. Check the seams: even when you’re going for a loose-fitting look, the seams of your shoulder should sit right on your shoulder, the arm seams should begin right at your arm and when you lift your arms, there should not be any tugging. Any of these not lining up means this is not the right size.

b. Arm length: getting just the right length of sleeve is crucial to a put together look. Look for sleeves to hit either right at your wrist or a 1/2 inch longer depending on your preference. Any longer and it’ll easily get dirty and look like you’re a teenager from the 90’s. This is also a simple alteration that can be made to the sleeves for a custom fit.

c. Length of the garment: a long flowy abaya which trails to the ground might be beautiful in theory, but with stairs, escalators, strollers, shopping carts and driving, you’ll want to save the train for the wedding day. Measuring so that the abaya/skirt hits the top of your shoe is generally a comfortable length to walk in unobstructed and it falls beautifully. It also provides the right length for sitting down and crossing legs without revealing your calves.

2. Blazers/sweaters/cardigans. I got this idea from my friend who is a professional and ALWAYS looks the part. Whether you are on dinner date out or headed to a convention, a simple structured blazer, cardigan or sweater can provide the extra coverage, fit, and contrast of color needed to pull your whole outfit together. The best place to stock up on quantity and quality? Check out clearance racks in the beginning of the winter season and the very end. In the beginning, stores want to move out last year’s merchandise to make room for a new line. But as all hijabi’s know, a nice neutral cardigan never goes out of style or season.

3. Accessorize: So you tucked away all your earrings. You’re hiding your neck and don’t want to draw attention there. What kind of accessorizing can a hijabi do??

Sunglasses: B-)

Bracelets and rings: think one chunky piece or a matching delicate one; not armfuls of glass or worse, gold bangles.

By: Philip C. Stead, Illustrated by Erin Stead, 2011 ALA Caldecott Winner

This is one of first books I have read to my son (18 months) that is not a board book. I was worried he might get bored and not notice the illustrations because of the muted colors. This book taught me we shouldn’t underestimate our children. We both read the book and Ibrahim excitedly pointed out the red balloon, the “chai” (tea), shoes and other  familiar objects in the pictures. The illustrations drew him in and kept him engaged throughout with the repetitive elements. The story and characters are appealing because they give you a lot to talk about with your child.

“Look, he’s making breakfast, what do you eat?”

“He’s making chai! That must be hot.”

“Uh-oh, he looks sad. What’s wrong? He’s got an “owwie.”

“Look, there’s the bus. What sound does the bus make?”

And the commentary in between the pages can be as creative as you like. It is only an accent to the wonderfully compassionate story line. If your child is still as young as mine, animal sound effects throughout the story are also another perfect way to entertain them. Ibrahim loved “whoo, whoo-ing” with the owl, and ah-choo-ing with Amos. Elephants are a little new, so we learned about the trunk and blowing it. I don’t really know what sound a rhino makes so I skipped that. haha.

So the story goes (spoiler alert!), Amos McGee is a patient and kind-hearted man who takes care of the animals in the zoo everyday. When he falls sick, his friends come to visit him and do for him what he does for them: the elephant plays chess with him, the tortoise plays hide and seek, the penguin keeps his feet warm, the rhinoceros offers him a handkerchief and the owl reads him a bedtime story.

Islamically, this book has no elements to be worried about or questionable pictures. Amos plays chess with elephant patiently, and runs races with the tortoise, helps the rhino with his allergies, sits with the penguin and reads to the owl. While reading the book to Ibrahim, I added in extra sneezes and “Alhamdulillah” as I went along.  You can also add salaam as the characters meet and depart. For slightly older children you may even want to add the dua for travelling (getting on a bus).

The sweet message of compassion to others is a great topic to talk to your child about. It is also a good supplement in discussing how we should maintain good relationships with those around us and visit the sick .

For slightly older children (3-7), it might be a great conversation starter on what happens when Mommy, Daddy or our teacher gets sick? What happens? What can you do if someone gets sick and has to “take the day off.”

A great resource for more lesson plan ideas:

http://classroombookshelf.blogspot.com/2011/01/ala-caldecott-winner-sick-day-for-amos.html

The Unforseen parallels between staying fit year round and staying devoted during Ramadan

Sarah Hassaine, NASM Certified Trainer, Nadoona Exercise Consultant

I think we all experience that moment of hesitation the day after Eid.  Your eyes are still shut as you stir in bed and suddenly you remember that Ramadan is indeed over.

“I am not fasting today!” Your mind excitedly communicates.

“Wait really? Am I really not fasting?” You question.

“Yes I am not fasting!”

Your eyes fly open and your mouth forms an excited smile. “Back to normal,” you think, breakfast time!

This fuels you to kick off the covers and run to the bathroom and freshen up before you decide what to eat for breakfast.  You may not even be hungry, and you may not even have a craving, but hey, you have been fasting for a month – you deserve it, right?  Just like you deserved all that honey baklava last night at the festive Eid party you went to.

But do you?

The truth of the matter is that we make excuses, and working out and eating right seem to fall off the radar, most likely because it takes diligence, time and commitment to see results.  We live in a society where we undoubtedly like immediate reactions; making a gradual transition to a healthy you, will take a while, thus we all tend to swerve, fall off the wagon, or just never get on.

Fasting, is of course, a spiritual experience.  While your body does use the “quiet time” of not processing food to repair your cells and detox your organs, the reality is that spirituality can be used in other aspects of your life, like taking care of your body.   You have just gone through 30 days of an amazing journey, but now that life is “back to normal” – the idea is to translate some of that same willpower and spirituality you exhibited this past month. Focus on the physical changes you want to make in your life to accompany the spiritual ones that carry on post Ramadan, such as prayer.

So as you descend the steps for breakfast the days after Eid, take some deep breaths to think about how you will get your body on the “right” physical path of exercise and on a healthy regime starting today. For starters, our body should eat 4-5 times a day so that we keep our metabolism working.  Ironically, this is similar to how many times we should engage in prayer.  Just as it is prescribed in the dogma to space out your prayers throughout the day, think about how you can space out your meals more frequently.  This keeps your body in a constant state of burning calories.  Unlike during Ramadan, where you would eat two meals a day (you all woke up for suhoor right? ) – this is unhealthy because whatever we do eat at iftar or suhoor is stored away given the day-long starvation mode.

In light of the fact that Ramadan marks the beginning of a New Year and your success in fasting, I want to share tips on how to turn the page and focus on a new rejuvenated you.

For starters: What is your goal? For a lot of women, it is just weight loss, and that is okay if you understand that is a very broad wish.  Weight loss is like falling in love and being in a relationship: it requires responsibility, ownership, compromise and commitment.  For this New Year, your first goal should be to believe in yourself enough to want to lose weight and engage in all aspects of weight loss, albeit eating healthy, exercising, reducing intake of sugars/starch, etc.

First step: Find and organize your motivation! Share your goal with friends, family, or look for support from groups like nadoona.com who challenge Muslim women to lose weight and live a healthy lifestyle. Decide if you need a food journal or a workout journal and set it up conveniently for your access (Phone App/Google Doc/Written journal).  Food for thought: over 50% of women who had a journal saw results sooner than those who did not.

Second step: Write out a grocery list with healthy food options and stick to it. Set the incentive to try to cook more and have healthy snacks at home (no more Starbucks cookies mid-day!).  Invite friends over instead of going out. Treat yourself to healthy cook books (Do I hear Eid gift to yourself?).

Third step: Plan out all 4-5 meals every morning or the night before. For example, I pack my lunch and all snacks the night before. Occasionally I even prepare my breakfast.  You will feel so in charge of your body and empowered by your control.  In Ramadan, you most likely planned all your meals and you made it a point to be on time every day for dinner.  Be good to your body like this year round and eat frequently and not too late– skipping meals just results in weight gain.

Photo: (C) Dasha Wright

Fourth step: Most importantly – Exercise! It is true ladies, if you don’t burn it, you sit on it.  Start with three days a week of cardio for at least 30-45 minutes and then move up to four days within a few weeks and start interval training.  Once you start working out, your energy will increase and you will slowly feel more addicted to the process.  It’s like fasting, once you started, it got easier. Diversify your workouts so that muscles are always challenged and stimulated.  Remember to integrate core balance training and weights two to three times a week as well.  Make sure it’s fun! The idea is to get your heart rate up and sweat so that you are burning calories, so if you prefer to take dance classes, kick boxing, or anything of the sort, sign up!

Post Ramadan, we are all kind of weak and tired from a month of late nights, heavy meals and socializing.  After you read this article, do me a favor and go to the mirror and look at yourself in the eyes and think about these four steps.  Set the intention to start afresh.  Reflect upon your routine and see where you can make changes.  You just made changes for 30 days, now the idea is to make small changes in your daily life that will result in a healthier, lighter and happier you.  Ask yourself “When is the best time to work out? In the morning or evening?” Answer your question and find a schedule that works, do not shrug it off and say neither!  Ask yourself, “What shall I pack for lunch in the morning?” Answer your question with viable options, not, “I don’t have time I will just go to the deli.” You need to exercise control and demand the change from yourself.

I encourage you to check out nadoona.com. Nadoona is a movement for Muslim women to become aware of their bodies – essentially how they treat it and what they put into it.  On the site, you can sign up to take part in their weight loss challenge program, get fitness tips, partake in a health forum and get inspired by many success stories told personally by other mulimahs nationwide.  Nadoona will work with women to make sure that their workout program and nutrition matches their lifestyle and culture.

Ladies – there are so many resources and opportunities out there, so seize this New Year and unearth your motivation to take care of you. You have just proven to yourself throughout Ramadan how much discipline and self-control you do indeed have. Now, this needs to be translated and extended to healthy living year round. After all, if you don’t take care of your body – who will?  So now that you are in the kitchen and its breakfast time, what will you have?

We all look forward to it for different reasons: the opportunity to focus on our spirituality, our relationship with Allah, getting together with family and friends, learning more about the Quran, the focus and concentration in salah you can only get from being hungry, the bootcamp to rrid ourselves of bad habits, and whatever other reasons we may have. Whatever the reason is, May Allah bless you, your families, your ibadah and increase us in good deeds and accept them from us, ameen.

In preparation for Ramadan there are so many articles, lectures, checklists, and other resources that I decided not to write another one, but rather here is a list of resources based on everything I’ve come across the past few weeks. Even if you weren’t able to plan before Ramadan started, do this as soon as you can to get the most out of this blessed month.

Suhaibwebb.com -  This has spiritually uplifting articles , as well as a practical nutrition guide on how to fast and stay fit during Ramadan!

HabibiHalaqas.com: Sister Kanika has compiled some wonderful resources that can guide us through some of the confusing issues of fasting, especially for sisters.

Learn Fiqh of Fasting: 4 hour Audio Course
Preparing for the month of Ramadhan
How Do Muslims Welcome Ramadan?

The Ruling pertaining to Making up the Fast
Woman Missed Fasts Due To Menses: When To Make Up?

Videos: A few must-see videos to boost your energy and help you plan for an awesome Ramadan.

Video: Towards An Outstanding Ramadan

Video: Ramadan Fiqh Issues
Virtues of Ramadan – Sheikh Yasir Qadhi

E-book: www.outstandingramadan.com – The sister emphasizes the importance of planning and guides you through exercises to set SMART goals and how to achieve them!

Give Dawah during Ramadan, check out this popular article from a previous Ramadan. It’s a step-by-step guide on earning reward and telling people about Islam and Ramadan.

Brush up on etiquette of Ibadah and benefits of the last ten nights here.

Soundvision.com has many articles on making Ramadan a blessed family affair. Check out how to help your spouse, kids and yourself manage your time, ibadah and day to day chores with checklists and creative ideas!

NEW RAMADAN ARTICLES

10 great goals for this Ramadan
10 Ramadan spirituality-boosters
7 tips on eating healthier this Ramadan
Ramadan’s health and spiritual benefits
Turn off that stove! An eight-step Ramadan plan for sisters
Sample Ramadan menu and chore chart
7 strategies to train kids this Ramadan
Making Ramadan special for kids: 15 tips
A single Muslim’s guide to Ramadan

RAMADAN PLAN: PERSONAL & FAMILY
Nine reasons to plan for Ramadan
Outline to help develop a Ramadan plan & report card
Video Review: Ramadan Mubarak : Adam’s World 9

INNER DIMENSIONS & FIQH OF RAMADAN
Why should you fast?
The Quran and Hadith on Ramadan
Inner dimensions of fasting
Fiqh of Ramadan: how-tos of fasting
United Procedure for Moonsighting in North America: Shura Council
Moonsighting & moonfights: info and advice

RAMADAN IN AMERICA
10 ideas for Ramadan at your workplace
Eight tips on sharing Ramadan with neighbors
8 Ramadan ideas for your campus
17 tips for parents to present Ramadan in your child’s class
To your child’s Homeroom teacher
A Grade one student presentation about Ramadan
Letter To Your child’s principal
Ramadan : factsheet for teachers

A SHORT BIBLIOGRAPHY ON RAMADAN
A Short bibliography on Ramadan

THINGS TO DO DURING THE LAST TEN DAYS OF RAMADAN:
16 things you can do on the Nights of Power
Crying in Front of Allah-It’s not impossible
31 Personal Duas to Choose From
What the Prophet Mohammad did in his Sajdah
I ask myself tonight!

PLANNING FOR NEXT YEAR
Thinking before planning: a short self-evaluation guide
A self-evaluation guide (Long)
A guide to Develop a 12-month personal plan
Why develop a Yearly Plan

NEW RAMADAN ARTICLES

10 great goals for this Ramadan
10 Ramadan spirituality-boosters
7 tips on eating healthier this Ramadan
Ramadan’s health and spiritual benefits
Turn off that stove! An eight-step Ramadan plan for sisters
Sample Ramadan menu and chore chart
7 strategies to train kids this Ramadan
Making Ramadan special for kids: 15 tips
A single Muslim’s guide to Ramadan

RAMADAN PLAN: PERSONAL & FAMILY
Nine reasons to plan for Ramadan
Outline to help develop a Ramadan plan & report card
Video Review: Ramadan Mubarak : Adam’s World 9

INNER DIMENSIONS & FIQH OF RAMADAN
Why should you fast?
The Quran and Hadith on Ramadan
Inner dimensions of fasting
Fiqh of Ramadan: how-tos of fasting
United Procedure for Moonsighting in North America: Shura Council
Moonsighting & moonfights: info and advice

RAMADAN IN AMERICA
10 ideas for Ramadan at your workplace
Eight tips on sharing Ramadan with neighbors
8 Ramadan ideas for your campus
17 tips for parents to present Ramadan in your child’s class
To your child’s Homeroom teacher
A Grade one student presentation about Ramadan
Letter To Your child’s principal
Ramadan : factsheet for teachers

A SHORT BIBLIOGRAPHY ON RAMADAN
A Short bibliography on Ramadan

THINGS TO DO DURING THE LAST TEN DAYS OF RAMADAN:
16 things you can do on the Nights of Power
Crying in Front of Allah-It’s not impossible
31 Personal Duas to Choose From
What the Prophet Mohammad did in his Sajdah
I ask myself tonight!

PLANNING FOR NEXT YEAR
Thinking before planning: a short self-evaluation guide
A self-evaluation guide (Long)
A guide to Develop a 12-month personal plan
Why develop a Yearly Plan

Im an 18 year old muslim girl.I have been wearing hijab from the age of 12.I understand the reason behind the obligation of hijab and i respect it but I never liked it.I have really beautiful hair and i would love to show it.My intention is not to attract male attention.I just want to look good and feel confident.My parents have alway sent me to the best of schools and in both my high schools i was the only or one of the two girls wearing hijab..I have been accepted into a reputed college and im leaving nhome next month and i feel i ll be the only hijabi there..I just want to live without the head veil for some time but i have been controlling this temptation for a while..Im also a very good orator and i dont like going on stage with the head veil.I just dont feel beautiful with the head veil..I need your help..i feel like giving up the head veil.How to stop myself from doing this?

My du’a’ for you that Allah strengthen your heart and soul until eternity.

I WOULD JUST LIKE TO KNOW IF IN- VITRO FERTILIZATION AND USING A SORROGATE MOTHER IS ALLOWED IN ISLAM. I HAVE A FRIEND WHO’S UTERUS HAD BEEN REMOVED BUT SHE STILL HAS HER OVARIES THEREBY SHE’S STILL OVULATING. SHE WANTS TO KNOW IF SHE AND HER HUSBAND CAN DO IVF AND USE A SORROGATE MOTHER IN ORDER TO HAVE A CHILD. SINCE SHE NO LONGER HAVE HER UTERUS SHE CANNOT HAVE A BABY IN A NATURAL WAY. JAZAKALLAHUKHEIRAN.

Your question is extremely important. As you know, the Juristic opinion I am about to summarize for you on this issue is not mine.  The authority to use here is The Islamic International Fiqh Council which has issued the verdict on in-vitro firtilization, so did the  leading scholar of the Ummah  Dr. al-Qaradawi, from among the highest ranking scholars.  The only form of in-vitro allowed is between husband and wife to facilitate pregnancy. The other form you are explaining is when both husband and wife agree to place the wife’s egg fertilized by the husband’s sperm in another woman’s uterus.  Al-Qaradawi has explained on several occasions that this form is prohibited in Islam, as did the Fiqh Council. However, he did not prohibit the transplant of a uterus. Meaning that in Shari’ah there are alternatives for pregnancy in this case when a wife is unable to have children because of the uterus’s mal-function. The scenario of using another woman’s uterus will cause confusion in lineage, and this violates one of the main objectives of Shari’ah which is protecting lineage. One question is what if the carrier has a husband and a normal intimate relation with him, whose baby will it be, the man who fertilized his wife’s egg or the husband of the carrying mother? Another consequence is having two mothers, one providing the egg and another carrying for nine months with travail upon travail, and delivering the baby.  To rule out this confusion, Shari’ah acknowledges only the mother carrying and delivering the baby. As you know, surrogacy is widespread in the west and has become a trade. And because Islam respects the human body, Shari’ah has made it clear that any form of trade with body parts is prohibited. With all this evidence at hand, the only way out is to seek a uterus transplant if possible. Islam has allowed organ transplant with certain restrictive norms to insure medical and juristic ethical standards are maintained.

Recently, ‘Alamah Yusuf al-Qaradawi has issued another verdict.  In Fatawa Mu’asirah (Contemporary Juristic Verdicts), he has put restrictive norms for the husband and wife needing to place the fertilized egg in another woman’s womb.  The restrictive norm is that the woman should be a thayyib or one that has been married before and without a husband. A virgin cannot be a surrogate mother. Al-Qaradawi has gone through extensive detail explaining the harms of going through the process legally as we cannot treat surrogacy as a deal with a written contract as in financial transactions. Legal complications with surrogate mothers are well known to the western public. The source of this Fatwa or Juristic Verdict is: (فتاوى معاصرة (بيروت: المكتب الإسلامي، 2000) الجزء الأول، ص 608، 609
If you need to read it in detail.

I would like to provide a final note on the issue of surrogacy.  The overriding, majority opinion of scholars is prohibition of this practice altogether. Al-Qaradawi’s opinion is unique in this respect and if one adopts it, one must be extremely  cautious with all the restrictive norms that he proposed that go along with his opinion. The Grand Mufti of Egypt prohibited the practice and other scholars have explained other consequences that conflict with Shari’ah. If a woman is used to becoming pregnant with others’ fertilized eggs, and it happens that she gives birth to someone who in the future marries another born from the same surrogate mother without knowing, this will be a prohibited marriage between a brother and a sister. Because the International Islamic Council has prohibited the practice of surrogacy, this is the opinion one would feel safer following. It is the majority opinion. I hope this explanation is detailed enough to settle the issue and help the lady asking the question.

Intentions, or niyyah are the roots of all our actions. They can strengthen or weaken our relationship with Allah (swt). It is not an act of saying but doing and niyyah lies in our hearts that only Allah (swt) sees. Our deeds are leaves enveloping and defining the kind of Muslims that we are.

Every single action that we partake in is only to seek Allah’s pleasure. The reward for these actions must be entailed with ikhlas, or sincerity. That is why intention is a large criterion when it comes to having our books being recorded for good or bad deeds.

“Say (O Muhammed (saw)): ‘Verily, I am commanded to worship Allah (Alone) by obeying Him and doing religious deeds sincerely for His sake only’” (39:11).

Worshipping Allah (swt) is obeying Him and whatever He has ordained us to do. It literally means that everything we set out to accomplish is for the sole purpose to please our lord and love that we are born for this purpose.

The breath that we take is so we can live and prostrate to His words. When we eat, it is to have the strength to pray and fulfill the orders of Allah (swt).

To rest our heads, close our eyes and drift into an almost death is to rest our bodies from the physical duties of worshipping Him.

Every other moment we have been blessed with and every action should be in adherence to worshipping Allah (swt).

Allah’s Messenger said, “Verily, all actions are but driven by intention and for everyone is what he intended.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

The Prophet is telling us that actions are defined through intentions and this is what Allah (swt) will judge us upon.

The Prophet said, “He, who seriously considered doing a good deed but did not do it, will have one good deed recorded for him” (Muslim).

Allah is Al-Latif and will reward us for just contemplating wanting to do a good deed as well as giving us credit when we fulfill it. And yet again He is Ar Rahman when He rewards us even when we want to commit a sin but refrain from doing it in fear of His all-powerful wrath.

“But if he intends to do an evil act and has not done it, then Allah writes it down with Him as a full good deed, but if he intends it and has done it, Allah writes it down as one bad deed” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim).

Allah (swt) says in the Qu’ran, “I did not create the jinns and the humans except to worship Me alone” (51:56). It is clear that our goals in this dunya are to serve: not to serve our desires, or our families wants, or what society hammers us to do. We have come into existence to serve Allah (swt) and disregard all other goals that go against the Qu’ran and Sunnah.

The Prophet said, “He who lets the people hear of his good deeds intentionally, to win their praise, Allah will let the people know his real intention (on the Day of Resurrection), and he who does good things in public to show off and win the praise of the people, Allah will disclose his real intention (and humiliate him). (Al-Bukhari)

Our actions are worthless to Allah (swt) if we do not intend it for His sake. We may gain some worldly benefit, feel happy, make some profit, or make a name for ourselves but with Allah (swt), the actions are only valid if it is purely serving and obeying Him.

As the hadeeth mentions, we will be exposed for our intentions when we are resurrected even if the acts are golden but the niyyah is tainted with a lust for admiration.

But Muslims have a habit of saying that “it’s in the heart” whenever they lack a duty in Islam. Whether it may be their excuses for not wearing the hijab, missing the salah for Fajr, or not attending Jumaa, they say that Allah knows what’s in the hearts and that they intend, inshAllah, to do whatever they lack in their deen.

It is true that Allah knows what’s in their hearts and Allah is the ultimate judge for this but intentions are followed by their actions. If it were “all in the heart,” Allah (swt) would not command us to pray or fast and do things that He loves. The proof is in the actions; intentions and actions are married to one another and one cannot flourish without the other.

A bad deed does not make it a good deed because of the intention. Once it is forbidden from Allah (swt) it will never be accepted as a good deed whether the niyyah was to create good. We cannot expect to sell alcohol and make the intention that we are collecting money to help fund the masjid. What we are doing from the beginning is unacceptable to Allah no matter the niyyah.

When it comes to a good act it can be valid or invalid, depending if there was ikhlas within the intention. We can be leaders in youth groups and feed our hungry Muslims but the good deed will be abolished if the niyyah was anything other than seeking Allah’s reward. The good deed also loses its value when it is combined with some other purpose, like yearning for wealth, recognition, or status.

Prophet Muhammed (saw) said, “Certainly, Allah does not look at your shapes or wealth. But He only looks at your hearts and deeds.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

The purpose and our perseverance for our actions are to please Allah (swt). We shall not eagerly wait for something in return but for our books to be inked with good deeds and blessings from Him. Forget expecting a thank you when we help Muslims move their belongings to a new home, or a beaming smile when we open the door for an elderly woman.

Our hearts should quiver eagerly and fervently waiting for Allah’s rewards to shower on us like raindrops instead of having desire for the pleasures of this life. Let our leaves embrace us with our goodness.

Originally published in InFocus News May 2010

Mariam Al-Kalby