Muslimah Source | Education . Support . Guidance » Sammer Z

Ramadan Mubarak! Ramadan Kareem!

Sammer Z — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 05:22:40 +0000

Something I have always found interesting is that nearly all Muslims, regardless of age, gender, background or understanding of Islam, look forward to Ramadan intently. I wonder if you tell any other group of people,”No food, drink, marital relations for 16 plus hours in the summer,” who would look forward to that?

We all look forward to it for different reasons: the opportunity to focus on our spirituality, our relationship with Allah, getting together with family and friends, learning more about the Quran, the focus and concentration in salah you can only get from being hungry, the bootcamp to rrid ourselves of bad habits, and whatever other reasons we may have. Whatever the reason is, May Allah bless you, your families, your ibadah and increase us in good deeds and accept them from us, ameen.

In preparation for Ramadan there are so many articles, lectures, checklists, and other resources that I decided not to write another one, but rather here is a list of resources based on everything I’ve come across the past few weeks. Even if you weren’t able to plan before Ramadan started, do this as soon as you can to get the most out of this blessed month.

Suhaibwebb.com - This has spiritually uplifting articles , as well as a practical nutrition guide on how to fast and stay fit during Ramadan!

HabibiHalaqas.com: Sister Kanika has compiled some wonderful resources that can guide us through some of the confusing issues of fasting, especially for sisters.

Learn Fiqh of Fasting: 4 hour Audio Course
Preparing for the month of Ramadhan
How Do Muslims Welcome Ramadan?

The Ruling pertaining to Making up the Fast
Woman Missed Fasts Due To Menses: When To Make Up?

Videos: A few must-see videos to boost your energy and help you plan for an awesome Ramadan.

Video: Towards An Outstanding Ramadan

Video: Ramadan Fiqh Issues
Virtues of Ramadan – Sheikh Yasir Qadhi

E-book: www.outstandingramadan.com – The sister emphasizes the importance of planning and guides you through exercises to set SMART goals and how to achieve them!

Give Dawah during Ramadan, check out this popular article from a previous Ramadan. It’s a step-by-step guide on earning reward and telling people about Islam and Ramadan.

Brush up on etiquette of Ibadah and benefits of the last ten nights here.

Soundvision.com has many articles on making Ramadan a blessed family affair. Check out how to help your spouse, kids and yourself manage your time, ibadah and day to day chores with checklists and creative ideas!

NEW RAMADAN ARTICLES

10 great goals for this Ramadan
10 Ramadan spirituality-boosters
7 tips on eating healthier this Ramadan
Ramadan’s health and spiritual benefits
Turn off that stove! An eight-step Ramadan plan for sisters
Sample Ramadan menu and chore chart
7 strategies to train kids this Ramadan
Making Ramadan special for kids: 15 tips
A single Muslim’s guide to Ramadan

RAMADAN PLAN: PERSONAL & FAMILY
Nine reasons to plan for Ramadan
Outline to help develop a Ramadan plan & report card
Video Review: Ramadan Mubarak : Adam’s World 9

INNER DIMENSIONS & FIQH OF RAMADAN
Why should you fast?
The Quran and Hadith on Ramadan
Inner dimensions of fasting
Fiqh of Ramadan: how-tos of fasting
United Procedure for Moonsighting in North America: Shura Council
Moonsighting & moonfights: info and advice

RAMADAN IN AMERICA
10 ideas for Ramadan at your workplace
Eight tips on sharing Ramadan with neighbors
8 Ramadan ideas for your campus
17 tips for parents to present Ramadan in your child’s class
To your child’s Homeroom teacher
A Grade one student presentation about Ramadan
Letter To Your child’s principal
Ramadan : factsheet for teachers

A SHORT BIBLIOGRAPHY ON RAMADAN
A Short bibliography on Ramadan

THINGS TO DO DURING THE LAST TEN DAYS OF RAMADAN:
16 things you can do on the Nights of Power
Crying in Front of Allah-It’s not impossible
31 Personal Duas to Choose From
What the Prophet Mohammad did in his Sajdah
I ask myself tonight!

PLANNING FOR NEXT YEAR
Thinking before planning: a short self-evaluation guide
A self-evaluation guide (Long)
A guide to Develop a 12-month personal plan
Why develop a Yearly Plan

NEW RAMADAN ARTICLES

RAMADAN PLAN: PERSONAL & FAMILY
Nine reasons to plan for Ramadan
Outline to help develop a Ramadan plan & report card
Video Review: Ramadan Mubarak : Adam’s World 9

PLANNING FOR NEXT YEAR
Thinking before planning: a short self-evaluation guide
A self-evaluation guide (Long)
A guide to Develop a 12-month personal plan
Why develop a Yearly Plan

Can I Give up Hijab?

Sammer Z — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 16:07:30 +0000

Salaam,

Im an 18 year old muslim girl.I have been wearing hijab from the age of 12.I understand the reason behind the obligation of hijab and i respect it but I never liked it.I have really beautiful hair and i would love to show it.My intention is not to attract male attention.I just want to look good and feel confident.My parents have alway sent me to the best of schools and in both my high schools i was the only or one of the two girls wearing hijab..I have been accepted into a reputed college and im leaving nhome next month and i feel i ll be the only hijabi there..I just want to live without the head veil for some time but i have been controlling this temptation for a while..Im also a very good orator and i dont like going on stage with the head veil.I just dont feel beautiful with the head veil..I need your help..i feel like giving up the head veil.How to stop myself from doing this?

Dear Sister in Islam. Allah has made Muslim women so special. Their beautiful parts are very precious and should not be displayed like an object for sale for anyone to look at and watch. That is why when Allah is the strongest in your heart over and above anyone else watching you from among His creatures, you feel that you only would want to please Him and no one else….That is when you wear the scarf with dignity and feel the pride to be a very special Mulsim woman unlike all the rest whose hearts are not so filled with His love. When you achieve success in any field, in any walk of life with this honorable dress, you are announcing to the world that you are a successful, unique Muslim sister…let everyone know it…and congratulate yourself that you have crossed over the hurdle which the enemy of Allah would want to create in your path so you don’t obey the Almighty, bravely and proudly as a humble slave-worshipper and pioneer in every field you have worked with the badge of honor you carry with you.

My du’a’ for you that Allah strengthen your heart and soul until eternity.

In-Vitro Fertilization and Surrogacy?

Sammer Z — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 16:05:09 +0000

SALAM ALAIKOM.

I WOULD JUST LIKE TO KNOW IF IN- VITRO FERTILIZATION AND USING A SORROGATE MOTHER IS ALLOWED IN ISLAM. I HAVE A FRIEND WHO’S UTERUS HAD BEEN REMOVED BUT SHE STILL HAS HER OVARIES THEREBY SHE’S STILL OVULATING. SHE WANTS TO KNOW IF SHE AND HER HUSBAND CAN DO IVF AND USE A SORROGATE MOTHER IN ORDER TO HAVE A CHILD. SINCE SHE NO LONGER HAVE HER UTERUS SHE CANNOT HAVE A BABY IN A NATURAL WAY. JAZAKALLAHUKHEIRAN.

Assalamu ‘Alaykum,

Your question is extremely important. As you know, the Juristic opinion I am about to summarize for you on this issue is not mine. The authority to use here is The Islamic International Fiqh Council which has issued the verdict on in-vitro firtilization, so did the leading scholar of the Ummah Dr. al-Qaradawi, from among the highest ranking scholars. The only form of in-vitro allowed is between husband and wife to facilitate pregnancy. The other form you are explaining is when both husband and wife agree to place the wife’s egg fertilized by the husband’s sperm in another woman’s uterus. Al-Qaradawi has explained on several occasions that this form is prohibited in Islam, as did the Fiqh Council. However, he did not prohibit the transplant of a uterus. Meaning that in Shari’ah there are alternatives for pregnancy in this case when a wife is unable to have children because of the uterus’s mal-function. The scenario of using another woman’s uterus will cause confusion in lineage, and this violates one of the main objectives of Shari’ah which is protecting lineage. One question is what if the carrier has a husband and a normal intimate relation with him, whose baby will it be, the man who fertilized his wife’s egg or the husband of the carrying mother? Another consequence is having two mothers, one providing the egg and another carrying for nine months with travail upon travail, and delivering the baby. To rule out this confusion, Shari’ah acknowledges only the mother carrying and delivering the baby. As you know, surrogacy is widespread in the west and has become a trade. And because Islam respects the human body, Shari’ah has made it clear that any form of trade with body parts is prohibited. With all this evidence at hand, the only way out is to seek a uterus transplant if possible. Islam has allowed organ transplant with certain restrictive norms to insure medical and juristic ethical standards are maintained.

Recently, ‘Alamah Yusuf al-Qaradawi has issued another verdict. In Fatawa Mu’asirah (Contemporary Juristic Verdicts), he has put restrictive norms for the husband and wife needing to place the fertilized egg in another woman’s womb. The restrictive norm is that the woman should be a thayyib or one that has been married before and without a husband. A virgin cannot be a surrogate mother. Al-Qaradawi has gone through extensive detail explaining the harms of going through the process legally as we cannot treat surrogacy as a deal with a written contract as in financial transactions. Legal complications with surrogate mothers are well known to the western public. The source of this Fatwa or Juristic Verdict is: (فتاوى معاصرة (بيروت: المكتب الإسلامي، 2000) الجزء الأول، ص 608، 609
If you need to read it in detail.

I would like to provide a final note on the issue of surrogacy. The overriding, majority opinion of scholars is prohibition of this practice altogether. Al-Qaradawi’s opinion is unique in this respect and if one adopts it, one must be extremely cautious with all the restrictive norms that he proposed that go along with his opinion. The Grand Mufti of Egypt prohibited the practice and other scholars have explained other consequences that conflict with Shari’ah. If a woman is used to becoming pregnant with others’ fertilized eggs, and it happens that she gives birth to someone who in the future marries another born from the same surrogate mother without knowing, this will be a prohibited marriage between a brother and a sister. Because the International Islamic Council has prohibited the practice of surrogacy, this is the opinion one would feel safer following. It is the majority opinion. I hope this explanation is detailed enough to settle the issue and help the lady asking the question.

Beneath the Leaves

Sammer Z — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 17:24:06 +0000

In this dunya we are trees. From a seed we sprout and roots erupt forth and we flourish into an image of branches and leaves. Our leaves encompass us into a tree. We can choose to be rooted in rich soil or we can choose to have diseased roots contaminating the leaves from above.

Intentions, or niyyah are the roots of all our actions. They can strengthen or weaken our relationship with Allah (swt). It is not an act of saying but doing and niyyah lies in our hearts that only Allah (swt) sees. Our deeds are leaves enveloping and defining the kind of Muslims that we are.

Every single action that we partake in is only to seek Allah’s pleasure. The reward for these actions must be entailed with ikhlas, or sincerity. That is why intention is a large criterion when it comes to having our books being recorded for good or bad deeds.

“Say (O Muhammed (saw)): ‘Verily, I am commanded to worship Allah (Alone) by obeying Him and doing religious deeds sincerely for His sake only’” (39:11).

Worshipping Allah (swt) is obeying Him and whatever He has ordained us to do. It literally means that everything we set out to accomplish is for the sole purpose to please our lord and love that we are born for this purpose.

The breath that we take is so we can live and prostrate to His words. When we eat, it is to have the strength to pray and fulfill the orders of Allah (swt).

To rest our heads, close our eyes and drift into an almost death is to rest our bodies from the physical duties of worshipping Him.

Every other moment we have been blessed with and every action should be in adherence to worshipping Allah (swt).

Allah’s Messenger said, “Verily, all actions are but driven by intention and for everyone is what he intended.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

The Prophet is telling us that actions are defined through intentions and this is what Allah (swt) will judge us upon.

The Prophet said, “He, who seriously considered doing a good deed but did not do it, will have one good deed recorded for him” (Muslim).

Allah is Al-Latif and will reward us for just contemplating wanting to do a good deed as well as giving us credit when we fulfill it. And yet again He is Ar Rahman when He rewards us even when we want to commit a sin but refrain from doing it in fear of His all-powerful wrath.

“But if he intends to do an evil act and has not done it, then Allah writes it down with Him as a full good deed, but if he intends it and has done it, Allah writes it down as one bad deed” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim).

Allah (swt) says in the Qu’ran, “I did not create the jinns and the humans except to worship Me alone” (51:56). It is clear that our goals in this dunya are to serve: not to serve our desires, or our families wants, or what society hammers us to do. We have come into existence to serve Allah (swt) and disregard all other goals that go against the Qu’ran and Sunnah.

The Prophet said, “He who lets the people hear of his good deeds intentionally, to win their praise, Allah will let the people know his real intention (on the Day of Resurrection), and he who does good things in public to show off and win the praise of the people, Allah will disclose his real intention (and humiliate him). (Al-Bukhari)

Our actions are worthless to Allah (swt) if we do not intend it for His sake. We may gain some worldly benefit, feel happy, make some profit, or make a name for ourselves but with Allah (swt), the actions are only valid if it is purely serving and obeying Him.

As the hadeeth mentions, we will be exposed for our intentions when we are resurrected even if the acts are golden but the niyyah is tainted with a lust for admiration.

But Muslims have a habit of saying that “it’s in the heart” whenever they lack a duty in Islam. Whether it may be their excuses for not wearing the hijab, missing the salah for Fajr, or not attending Jumaa, they say that Allah knows what’s in the hearts and that they intend, inshAllah, to do whatever they lack in their deen.

It is true that Allah knows what’s in their hearts and Allah is the ultimate judge for this but intentions are followed by their actions. If it were “all in the heart,” Allah (swt) would not command us to pray or fast and do things that He loves. The proof is in the actions; intentions and actions are married to one another and one cannot flourish without the other.

A bad deed does not make it a good deed because of the intention. Once it is forbidden from Allah (swt) it will never be accepted as a good deed whether the niyyah was to create good. We cannot expect to sell alcohol and make the intention that we are collecting money to help fund the masjid. What we are doing from the beginning is unacceptable to Allah no matter the niyyah.

When it comes to a good act it can be valid or invalid, depending if there was ikhlas within the intention. We can be leaders in youth groups and feed our hungry Muslims but the good deed will be abolished if the niyyah was anything other than seeking Allah’s reward. The good deed also loses its value when it is combined with some other purpose, like yearning for wealth, recognition, or status.

Prophet Muhammed (saw) said, “Certainly, Allah does not look at your shapes or wealth. But He only looks at your hearts and deeds.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim)

The purpose and our perseverance for our actions are to please Allah (swt). We shall not eagerly wait for something in return but for our books to be inked with good deeds and blessings from Him. Forget expecting a thank you when we help Muslims move their belongings to a new home, or a beaming smile when we open the door for an elderly woman.

Our hearts should quiver eagerly and fervently waiting for Allah’s rewards to shower on us like raindrops instead of having desire for the pleasures of this life. Let our leaves embrace us with our goodness.

Originally published in InFocus News May 2010

Mariam Al-Kalby

We’re Nominated for the Brass Crescent Awards 2009!

Sammer Z — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 03:30:04 +0000

We are excited and humbled that MuslimahSource.org has been nominated for a Brass Crescent Award – this year we are nominated in two categories: “Best Female Blog” and “Best Post or Series” for Eleven White Roses

MashaAllah!

JazakumAllah khair to all those of you who nominated us! Please visit the site now to submit your votes. Polls close end of day Friday, November 27, 2009 – 9 pm (Fri) PST, 12 am (Sat) EST, 5 am (Sat) GMT.

In my skin…

Sammer Z — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 03:28:22 +0000

It’s taken me a long time to finally be comfortable in my skin, in this hijab which is also just as much a part of me. It’s taken a long time to feel confident, to feel content and happy, despite sticking out like a sore thumb. It took a long time to look at “pretty” girls and not feel jealous, wishing I could be thought of as “pretty” again.

I remember very clearly, I was walking out of one of my classes (in high school), and a boy walked out from a classroom near-by. We were headed toward the stairwell, but it was pretty crowded. He met up with another girl, and they both stood behind me as we inched closer to the stairs. He said to her, in a hushed whisper (which made it worse), ” She’s the ugliest girl in school.”

That very literally shattered my self-esteem and self-worth. Especially because I had just started wearing hijab, although my looks didn’t matter much to me, the comment hit me hard. I knew I was covering my “beauty” but did that mean I was really ugly? It was one thing to be strange and foreign, another to be so blatantly judged as ugly. I didn’t wear cute, colorful scarves or know anything about makeup. His comment didn’t change any of that. But, I changed …

It’s been a long time since then.

I hold my head higher now, I make it a point to not divert eye contact from women who are walking towards me. I am not intimidated. I am not ashamed. If you think I’m ugly, that’s quite alright. My standards of beauty, and criteria for beauty are much different than what they were as a 14 year old in high school. Heba (from Jack and Bobby) said it well that this is me, saying yes to Allah, and to my faith, and saying NO, to the oppression and degradation, the exploitation of a woman for her body; that her sexuality should be flaunted and that should be the judgment of her value and self-worth.

I am worth more… more than what L’Oréal can ever offer.

So, I’m more confident now with myself and my faith (although I have so much to work on). I am happier now with the decisions I have made than I was while making them, because although there was faith in the righteousness of my decision, I now have “real world” experience in the benefits it reaps. Those who looked down on me before still may do so, but like Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Mortified

Sammer Z — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 21:30:30 +0000

Mortified.

Disbelief.

Denial.

Not exactly the feelings I imagined having while I stood clutching the third pregnancy test of the week. My mother-in- law didn’t believe the first two which came up negative. Defiantly, I thought, the third one would set the record straight. You can’t possibly reject a third negative test!

Instead of a marching straight to her, or anyone else, I stood staring at the positive test results. Pregnancy tests are a funny invention, in a life changing sort of way. It’s 99.9% accurate because when its positive it is 99.9% accurate. When it says negative its highly inaccurate for several possible reasons. From when you take it, how you take it, how far along you may be to an array of other factors, it might be wrong. And for me…it was, twice.

I held the sink to keep my balance and splashed water on my face. Why was I so scared? Was it because I really didn’t want my mother-in-law to be right? Was it just denial? I didn’t look or feel pregnant, although I had been very emotional lately. I couldn’t believe it. I felt 7 years old, completely unqualified to be given this enormous task. The small room seemed to spin. I walked out to where I would pray dhuhr and hid my discovery from everyone.

Why indeed? I’m married, in love with my husband, my biological clock is right on time, I’ve finished a reasonable amount of education, and have even done some single girl fun stuff. Why am I scared of having a child at what seems to be the most perfect moment in my life ?

Even with all this rationale and even after seeing my little jelly bean bounce around inside and hearing the little heartbeat, happiness is secondary. How are most to-be parents so happy?

So, here’s why I am so mortified… I think.

I will be a mother: that which the Prophet (saw) said to value three time over a father. My child’s father is a far better person than I am, so how can I ask be worthy of that kind of respect? I will be the primary responsibility bearer of all things concerning my child . Every decision I choose to take or not, with my limited capacity and understanding will impact and shape his or her entire life and experiences. In the most profound sense I will be responsible for the spiritual, moral, physical, mental, and social development of my child and will be held to account by all critical eyes of this world and inevitably in the Hereafter. Islamic school, public school, homeschool? regular or cloth diapers? straight to hifdh at 4? soccer or basketball? organic food or regular? Arabic or English at home? Protect him in a bubble or toughen him up with the real world?

Despite all this perceived control over my child’s life I realize how helpless I ultimately am.

I’m afraid because of all that we hear about parents. Despite good intentions and sacrifices, parents are blamed, hated, shunned, and ignored by their children. In the reverse as well, children may hold unrealistic expectations of their parents believing all their actions should be the most upright and become very unforgiving or critical of mistakes they make. Maybe its the hormones but my eyes well up with tears as I think of a phrase my mother would tell me, “I’m human too.”

Will my child be God-fearing, upright, love and appreciate me and somehow remember, that I’m only human too?

The F-Word

Sammer Z — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 22:53:10 +0000

Say the F-word in a circle of Muslim men or women you’re on your way to being an outcast. Say the F-word while donning a hijab and you will confuse most non-Muslims. The muffled mockery, accompanied by quizzical looks and condescension, goes something like this: “as though you, with your outdated religious beliefs, would have any idea what rights or freedom even are.” But maybe I misheard – after all, I can’t hear anything through that thing on my head, can I?

I’m one of those “feminists.”

The label doesn’t stick either way. That’s alright, I’m not looking for labels, and I don’t fit comfortably into stereotypical boxes.

We, the women of Islam, have failed if we continue to allow others to define feminism for us and do not challenge definitions that exclude all but a certain few. We are the flag-bearers of this great religion which gave us revolutionary rights and freedoms; we must portray its strength through our actions. We cannot continue to blame the media, the “west,” and others for distorting our image. We must own up to this responsibility. If we silently do not participate in our communities, show no opinions, emotions or beliefs but rather complacently allow our men to be our voice (inaccurately, at times), then we are playing into the stereotypes of our image. It is this complacency which will shoot ourselves in the foot.

As Muslimahs we have a great responsibility to Allah (swt), ourselves, our communities and to the representation of Islam. We carry the banner of Islam constantly, whether we want to or not, whether we realize it or not, whether we wear hijab or not. Our actions and words are never perceived as those of just another woman/girl. Simply being aware of this is no longer enough! If this is how the world looks at us, we must use this to our advantage. Let them look at us, our actions, our lives and associate it with Islam, but let us reflect the true spirit of Islam in our characters.

Often, we’re confused about what our roles should be, how much should we go out, participate, speak up? We can take a cue from the Muslim women in the past, such as Fatimah al-Fihri, who started the world’s oldest university to date. I have seen Muslim women all over the world use and cherish every opportunity to participate and create programs to educate and introduce change for the better. Is it not more pressing while living in “free” countries we utilize that freedom to its utmost extent? Should all of us start madrassas ? No, we’re not all qualified to, however, each of us has something unique to offer our community. Tap into your talents and benefit others with them. Some of us are eloquent writers, orators, talented artists, love working with children, savvy business women, and techie computer people. Turn your hobbies and pastimes into opportunities for enriching your lives, gaining reward from Allah (swt) and enhancing our communities.

We face many issues within our communities: How many Muslimahs are abused and go through life unsupported? How many lack basic education? How many non-Muslims or even Muslims have you recently talked to about the positive aspects of being a Muslim woman? To change these negative stereotypes we don’t need to wait for millions of Saudi-backed dollars or week-long conferences. Great movements, revolutions and shifts in paradigm began through word of mouth. If we do not believe that we can enact this change, and subsequently follow through with it, then we [i]are [/i] the oppressed, ineffective, weak women others accuse us of being.

Now what? You’re all riled up and ready to tackle this head on, but how? What can you do today empower yourself and other Muslim women? Here are some ideas how we can convey the message that Muslim women are intelligent, active and productive members of society.

Educate yourself about your rights and responsibilities:
- Take Islamic classes (there are online institutes and there’s always the library)
- Read about Muslim women in the past and contemporary history, there are more than you think.
- Subscribe to MuslimahSource for seminars and workshops on learning AND doing more!

Take up a cause, participate in charity work. Islam is a way of life, so live it! Our religion is deeply rooted in enacting social change and care. Part of dealing with our problems is looking at the bigger picture. Think Big Locally! Help find the cure for cancer, go green, or adopt an orphan.
- Fight Breast Cancer
- Fight Diabetes
- End World Hunger
- Sponsor an Orphan
- Pet Rescue – look for local opportunities through your Humane Society or Petsmart
- Heart Health
- Environmentalism
- Domestic Violence

Look for local opportunities to give your time and get involved in your communities:
- Match your skills and interest with opportunities in your area!
- Find your local masjid and get involved
- Create your own program!

Be confident that you are backed by the religion of Allah (swt)

Have an idea that wasn’t mentioned? Please share it in our comments section.

Photo courtesy: www.legaltrader.com

Keeping Up with the Neurosurgeons Next Door

Sammer Z — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 05:03:32 +0000

What have you done since last summer? It’s been 245 days since I have been officially out of school and out of work. I haven’t taken any tests or read any assigned reading. I haven’t earned a single taxable, spendable cent in these 245 days. Even as I count them up, I can hardly believe it. It is the time that most people would love to have. I thought I could catch up on all my goals of memorizing Qur’an , volunteer work, start up a business, create a 25 year plan, save the environment, end hunger, revolutionize the world. Reminding me that I haven’t saved the world yet on day 246 (although its closer now that President Obama is in office) is what I have achieved in the past.

Every second-generation Desi, Arab, and other ethnic immigrant to the West that I have met has been pushed to succeed academically. Aside from being known as terrorists, we’re also known as a community of overachievers. I’ve seen academics as a priority amongst a wide spectrum of religiosity in families. Stunting education for Muslim women is not the problem in most Muslim communities in the West. Engineers, IT professionals, Lawyers and Doctors have now entered our communities because after all, those high-scoring SAT overachievers/valedictorians have graduated and entered into the professional world. As Asif Mandvi said, “We’re all neurosurgeons.”

Where does that leave the non-neurosurgeons? Aside from a few journals full of teen-angst ridden poetry, I haven’t exactly lit the literary world ablaze either. My parents can’t boast their daughter as the MD/PhD/JD/MBA. Lucky for me, they have learned to love me despite that. But it makes me wonder about the focus on certain professions and the level of academic success that my parents’ generation has come to respect and aspire to, for their children. We’re often faced with a difficult choice between the pre-approved program by our parents or what we are actually good at and enjoy doing. Our communities lack appreciation of the arts, writing, and literature. Perhaps, to protect them from “indecency,” which is ironic because books are the only way they would learn about that. Perhaps, because writers are not guaranteed success and respect like other professions or now this literature is in a language they don’t fully understand. I know poetry is appreciated in my culture because my relatives can quote Sindhi and Urdu poetry suitable for any occasion. Are they trying to hold onto an important part of their own culture by not embracing it in another language? Whatever the reason may be, professional literature or even journalism is not taken seriously in our communities. Seems like unless you’re the next Khaled Hosseini, there is little recognition.

Aside from the arts, communication, media, marketing, social sciences, social services, law enforcement, nursing, and the humanities are largely ignored. Not only do we need people in a variety of fields, but people need options. Especially, in the land of opportunity. We need to diversify our interests and let the next generation know, it’s okay to be a meteorologist if you love looking at the sky or a wild animal veterinarian if you love tigers. In a community of overachievers, let’s rethink achievement.

Photo: Jeremy Wilburn

Of Taxis and Husbands

Sammer Z — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 21:32:02 +0000

Choosing and obtaining a taxi in Cairo is very similar to choosing and obtaining a husband.
Taxis are one of the best ways to get around in Cairo. During my stay, I rode in hundreds of cabs. There’s a lot to learn from those cab rides.

At the beginning of your journey, if you’ve started to look for one early on, you can be pickier about your taxi. However, if you’re a bit late and you’re in a hurry to get to your destination (ie. biological clock is ticking loudly) you don’t have the luxury of being so picky. This ranges from the vehicle, his age, his driving ability, his manners, the environment, the money, the location…whatever the case may be if you’re desperate…you’ll take anyone.

First of all, you have to let them know you’re available. Sometimes, if you’re by yourself and don’t look like you’re doing anything, they’ll stop of their own accord. If you have friends, they can do the signaling. However, don’t rely solely on either of these, as they might think you’re waiting for a bus or a friend. You can be a very subtle, simply with the motion of your hand. If for some reason, you’re having trouble getting his attention you may have to verbalize your need, shout “TAX!” Don’t feel shy. You need “TAX” and he has it.

As the taxi approaches and you check him out, you look for the make and model of the vehicle. Does it look like it won’t take you very far down the road? Will he need you to get out and push the taxi with him to get it started? Does it have a very bad, dusty, smelly, torn interior? This is checking him out for how well will he physically be able to provide you with the transportation (support) you need.

Is he very old? Is he wearing 2 inch thick frames; is he more nervous in the traffic than you are? This taxi driver may have passed his prime. He might be headed in a different direction than you are, and although you may try to redirect, he knows he’s older (read:wiser) and takes you the way he thinks is best. On the other hand, is the cabby too young? Does his head barely reach over the steering wheel? Does his voice crack when responding to your salaams? Do you have more facial hair than he does? If yes, this guy may be illegal to drive in most countries. He’s too fast, doesn’t know where he is going, and is willing to put your life in danger as he crosses the busiest intercessions, dodging trucks and buses by the hair of his chinny chin chin.

You need someone who isn’t too old, but has matured into someone who has understanding. He should drive as though he is ready to take on any aggressive drivers, but cautious enough to not put your life in danger. This is important because he is (temporarily) guarding you against the other taxis, BMW’s, trucks, and donkey carts that also think they own the road.

Before we move on to the deeper aspects of this relationship, there is one more superficial thing to be dealt with. The money, the moola, the dough, the nookood, the flooz, whatever you call it: how many ginnay can he get out of you? and how many are you willing to part with. Always start low, and he’ll probably double the price as his response. Counteract with something in the middle, unless you KNOW its too much. Move on to the next guy who doesn’t want to play you for a fool. Mind you, this is before anything actually happens, before you go anywhere. Once you get in his car…you play by his rules.

Back to the money, unless you’re desperate, as long as you know the proper rate, keep trying until someone with sense and dignity comes along. Someone who is not trying to cheat you out of your money because you happen to pronounce your JEEM’s and QAF’s properly!

Now to the deeper aspects of this fleeting relationship: what are his manners like?

Does he respect you as a Muslimah by responding to your salaams?

Does he open the door for you?

Does he turn down the Arabic music that is blasting? or better yet, does he already have some Qur’an playing?

Does he eyeball you in his rearview mirror? or does he keep his eyes on the road?

Does he know his way around, or does he have to ask many many many different people for directions?

If you ask him about the area, is he able to give helpful information in a polite way?

Does he ask too much personal information, other than the normal “why are you here?” like, “are you married” ,”do you have any kids?” etc.

Does he burn out his cigarrette for you? or better yet, he doesn’t smoke!

Okay, I know some of these things you don’t see until after you’ve gone for a short drive with him, but hey if he passes on all counts, maybe he’ll be your on-call driver.

Other similarities between Taxis and Husbands:

Sometimes you flag him down, but he’s already taken.

Sometimes you flag him down from far away, but as he gets closer you see that you shouldn’t have.

After you’ve gotten in the taxi, other people may try to get a ride from him as well. He has the ability, and needs the money. Even though you’re sitting in the backseat thinking, “Can’t you just take me where I want to go? Why do you have to look for someone else to take somewhere else? I’m not enough?”, it’s his right to have other passengers as long as they’re headed in the same general direction. He doesn’t really care about consulting you, and you’ve just met him so you’re not going to make a fuss. Seeing it from other “passenger’s” perspective: she needs a ride too, and one day, it could be (and probably will be) you waiting for a taxi after waiting for so long; if you’re tired and running late, you may see an elderly man in a beat-up old taxi, with another woman in the backseat, asking for too much money and you’ll take him.

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