Alhamdulillah, Thank God. I’m back to Karachi, my second home. It feels fantastic. It’s as if the streets of the city remember my name. I remember the directions to major bazaars and restaurants, feel the humidity on my skin as if it’s any other day and blend in with most of the people here in my noticeable Muslim attire. I am home, Karachi. I’m back for another portion of my year, and, yes, I missed you too!

But you know what ruined my mood? It was and it always is when I remember I’m not fully Pakistani. I am ‘the granddaughter visiting from America’; I am ‘the girl who resembles one of us but comes from a distant land’ to the people here. At least I am to those who know. I will always have the label of ‘American’ on me. I actually love being American. But constant reminders of that fact as if it were posted on my forehead disallow me to enjoy fully being Pakistani. I mean, the kumbaya, politically correct version of this rant would be that I love both my identities and they both allow me to grow, which is true. But sometimes don’t you ever wish you could just be a normal citizen? With one identity?

It’s not like I don’t feel this way in America. I do, in fact. Constant reminders of this fact are reality in my prim and proper suburban, middle-sized town. Sometimes I do dream of being that little blond-haired, blue-eyed little girl running through the downtown with a sandwich in one hand and baseball-playing dad’s hand in my other. I sometimes want to really have those American roots, be impressed with my forefathers who fought in the Civil War to end slavery, think of my family tree as scattered yet really noble.

It’s cool though…I think I can make this work.

July 2010:

I just got back from a road trip across Pakistan. Spontaneous and unplanned, the trip was a venture into different provinces of Pakistan with my family– Balochistan with its mineral reserves and hospitable people, Khyber Pakhtunkhwa with its beautiful mountains and bumpy roads, Punjab, the heartland of Pakistan’s agriculture, and back to Sindh where the trip began in Karachi. The people we met, hotels we had to stay in, food we ate, bathrooms we had to use (a whole other story :/) became my teachers during that week. But one of the biggest teachers was my experience coming back into Karachi. As we drove back into the city late at night, feelings of comfort, familiarity and surprisingly, home, overcame me. Though I can perpetually enumerate my dislikings of Karachi’s traffic, pollution, corruption, poverty, and much more, I felt like I had returned to a place I belonged in. One huge reason for this feeling is probably because we visit family here quite regularly. But regardless, I feel the city’s energy, lights, action, and , most of all, its potential inspire me to keep studying, working, and making du’a that I can partake in its upliftment.

August 8, 2010

I leave for California today. It was a memorable trip and super productive, Alhamdulillah. All praise is due to Allah that He has allowed us to meet relatives, remember our heritage and connect with different puzzle pieces of ourselves which in turn make up the Ummah. I feel a sense of disillusionment and shock that several of those areas I (or rather, our car) happily traversed across in our week’s road trip in July are facing the most detrimental floods in Pakistan’s history. I wish I could do more. I plan. I yearn. I turn to Allah, the Source of all Help.

But I thank Him that he’s shown me that I am more powerful than I thought. The tongue I have wears both languages. The eyes I see with are adorned with the light of both countries. The heart I feel with yearns for both countries. I am strong because He has made me realize the strength that lies within all of us which is the strength to strive for His sake. My striving will involve educating myself and diagnosing issues that face the American Muslim community, Pakistani citizens in Pakistan and abroad, members of  Ummah and members of humanity at large. My task, along with the task at hand for millions of first-generation Western born Muslims – the sons and daughters of hopeful and often very successful immigrants – is to bridge the divides between the Ummah, to reverse Brain Drain and contribute to our nations, to create understanding between Muslims and non-Muslims in the countries we grew up in, and most of all, reconnecting with Allah swt.

The hardest part is regaining our humility. Knowing our roots. Not calling others ‘fobs’ because we really know it hurts in a place that really pains. Opening our eyes to the injustices of ourselves and others. Feeling we are one. The Prophet Muhammad (salallahu alayhi wassalam-peace and blessings be upon him) has famously said: “The believers in their affection, compassion and love for one another are like one single body. If  a part of it suffers from pain, the whole body body will suffer in pain.” (Sahih Muslim)  Let’s ask ourselves, do we feel this pain? Are we afraid to step out of our comfortable lives to lead more responsible, educated lives towards those who are hurting? Let’s begin now. Let’s open our eyes and open our hearts. Let’s turn to page one and start with humbling ourselves in front of Allah swt and realize His Earth is vast, all people come from Him and return to Him and if we would like to eventually make a difference, sure start small and local, but realize, you have an entire humanity that can be impacted with even the smallest of your intentions and actions insha’Allah. Let’s let humility turn us towards Allah which turns us towards humanity which turns us towards activism and higher purposes than we ever knew we had.

Each lock and curl bounced as she walked down the street

This was her mare, embodiment

of her lioness femininity

A cry to the world that she could and

Did, work on something, protect it

And see it live, breathe and grow

She lived in the 1800s, amidst the Industrial Revolution-

Bathed in the Ganges with hopes of ablution-

She cried for her son’s blood, wet in

The snow of that wintry Boston Civil War

Hid in the blouse of a geisha in Japan, a woman

half scarred

Eyes brightened up, the first Mongolian

Girl in her village to learn to read

Hopped in the fields of Dakota, planting a

pumpkin seed.

This girl, this woman, this delicate creature of God

Her hair showed the world what could not a nod

A symbol of acquiescence to male passion and greed

To this she was a witness, a reluctant even, at times,

accomplice, why didn’t she pay heed?

She did, of course

And reexamined her strand

She took her locks and, simultaneously,

her soul by the hand

and asked it, gently, why it sought to be

the center of her life, or

merely a symbol of her personality?

Was insecurity, purposelessness or

ennui she was a victim of?

Indeed, no cause had she to live life for authentically

And walk determinedly towards

Her inner nature had submitted to her Creator, always

She knew He was watching, truly

Thus, find she did truth and beauty in

Loving His Oneness, His Mercy

And Perfect Qualities

As she praised Him, she let go of the world which

constantly brought her to her knees

Escaping from her meager worries, she found her dignity

Awash the shores of real femininity, leaving behind the mountains of superficial disparities

She found her status, honor and worthy self-esteem from the One who created her free

from society, but eternally bound to His blessed slavery

A cause worth living for, it was meant to be

Throughout humanity’s beginning, from the ages of Adam and Eve

still relevant in corporate-run-to-soccer-mom-duties, our 21st century

Her hair

Her locks became longer, thicker and shinier

Beaming with purpose and purposefulness, completely

Now tucked in a Hijaab, a transformation inside to out

A marvelous embodiment of her new found true strength

and womanly essence.

A young woman’s hair, not for society, but for God to see.

Yep, we could barely feel it, a feeling you get when the warm, lazy summer days oozing with nostalgia slip out of your hands, a feeling akin to realizing you are no longer a teenager but an adult now… a feeling that you’ve done injustice with the time given to you. We’ve all read those amazing Ramadan articles and heard those tear-jerking lectures, right? They make us say, masha’Alah tabaarakAllah, ahsant, baarakAllahu feekum…they really and truly do happen to motivate us, even if we can’t implement all the great advice given. Those checklists? Gangsta, totally. They laid out for us A-Z where our eeman and actions could potentially be…someday. The talks after taraweeh? Inspiring, maybe helped us to evaluate our own wrongful states of soul. But, you can’t be serious that Ramadan is already leaving, can you?

The thing is, Ramadan is leaving, that’s for sure. But the feelings of guilt, the pangs of “I-wish-I-woulda-spent-less-time-on-{insert time wasting habit}-and-more-in-Quran-reading-and-charity-etc.,” continue to swoosh over your confused mumbo jumbo of an existence and refuse to leave, even after Ramadan. We end up carrying these negative feelings about ourselves throughout the year, blaming ourselves that even in the month of Redemption from all sins, we failed.

But is this the way we want to remember Ramadan? Do we want to keep feeling guilty and do nothing about it? Is there a chance for acquiring that fresh, clean, slate of opportunity left, even though there are only, like, a few more days of Ramadan left? The answer is, yes. There is always a second chance. And a third. And a fourth. And oh so many more.

In a Hadith Qudsi, Allah, The Exalted, says, “O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it.” (At-Tirmidhi)

The fact of the matter is, the doors of Allah’s forgiveness are always open. We might have started Ramadan with a motivation high and dipped and now we are feeling so guilty about ourselves. We may have continued to indulge in bad habits throughout Ramadan and now feel guilty comparing ourselves to others who seem to have benefited so much more than us. We may have been oh-so-busy with midterms in school, family pressures or work deadlines and couldn’t devote ourselves like we wanted to. Or maybe we didn’t even fast properly, pray on time or anything while the dunya kept distracting us. Our soul, whatever state it is in (and this matter is only known to Allah), is crying out for help: “What can I do???”

Some sincere suggestions, first given to myself:

1. Be happy you feel guilty. We are only human and make mistakes. Now use that guilt to better yourself and not to keep pushing yourself down. Remind yourself that Allah’s doors of mercy are always open. Now, go for it. Take the negativity, out. Period.

2. Call out to Allah from the depths of your heart. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “ad-Du’aau huwal ‘ibaadah” – Du’a is worship. Calling out to Allah, asking of Him, proclaiming His greatness is one of the best ways you can redeem yourself. Ask of Him sincerely. Don’t make it into a robotic thing!

When you go about your everyday actions- taking public transport, walking on your high school or college campus, sitting in your cubicle at work or treating patients at work, playing with your baby child, doing your homework, brushing your hair, whatever it may be, remember Allah with your heart. At a random moment when there is a minute, just remember God. Remember Allah.

About to walk into the class you despise at school? Enter with a whispered Bismillah. Who knows it but you and Allah? No one. Face it, you saw a good-looking celebrity on the cover of the magazine, knew you wanted to look again, but turned away with a whispered, Authu billah (I seek refuge in Allah). There’s sweetness in that, no doubt about it. Who would know that your heart screamed SubhanAllah on your evening commute, even though your stomach was rumbling and head pounding because iftar time is close and you’re drained. But you saw that mountain and remembered…Had Allah sent down the Quran on a mountain, it would have crumbled…SubhaaaaanAllah. Allahu akbar. That emotion, that high, that feeling of connecting with Allah is a beautiful thing, it is Dhikr (remembrance) that is a blessing from Him. No feeling could replace it, truly.

It’s CHEESY one might think to try to create these intimate moments between you and your Rabb (Lord), but who said cheese is bad? In fact, this ‘spiritual cheddar’ as I like to call it is a remedy for all our souls, it’s a medicine highly needed for our plethora of spiritual diseases.

Ibn al-Qayyim (rahimahullah) has a powerful statement on this same topic. He mentions in al-Fawaaid, “If you seek to purify your soul, prefer Allah to your desires.” Think about this…be real with yourself, evaluate what are those desires and worldly pursuits which may be taking over your life, and once you’re truly honest with yourself, insha’Allah change will be right around the corner.

You’re human, suck up to it, you’re no angel. Despite that, keep remembering Allah in your daily routine, create these small, beautiful moments, and insha’Allah this is a sign of victory over your own soul.

3. Last 10 nights? Keep up with the marathon…Read Quran. Recite the du’a “Allahumma innaka ‘afuwwun tuhibbul ‘afwa fa’fu ‘annee” excessively–O Allah, You are pardoning and You love to pardon, so pardon me.’ “(Ahmad, Ibn Majah, and Tirmidhi). Pray at night, even if for 15 minutes or ½ an hour before Fajr. You’re already gonna wake up for suhoor right? Then just pray a little. Make du’as for those things you really want and need. Allah will answer, insha’Allah, or give you something that’s better.

4. Think about Eid, it’s popping up around the corner soon, but make sure to not only think about Eid. Let’s try to use every minute possible to remember Allah. Even while wrapping those samosas, say Alhamdulillah. While making goody bags for the little kids, start with Bismillah. While cleaning your room, play your favorite surah. Point: keep the beautiful atmosphere of Taqwa – God-consciousness—alive in your life.

5. Keep the spiritual cheddar going. If you’re running a marathon, as Ramadan is likened to sometimes, you need to make sure you sprint in the last portion. Do that. And remember, our entire life is a marathon, so don’t give up those good habits you acquired in Ramadan when Ramadan is over.

May Allah (swt) accept all our good deeds, help us create those intimate, spiritual cheddar moments with Him and grant us, our loved ones and the entire humanity and ummah into His guidance and into the Highest of Paradise, Jannatul Firdous, ameen.

Aww, a glorious summer day: birds chirping and the green grass ornamented with prim picnic mats couldn’t look any fresher. The aunties are talking about the latest addition to the family. Babies never fail to be a bundle of joy, right? The aunties start talking: “Oh, mubarak on the new baby, how is she?” “She’s fine and healthy, lakin us kaa rang thora kum hai…” (but her skin color is a bit dark) Wait, what?! Isn’t this a time for celebration of life, thanking Allah for a new addition to the family? I am appalled, seriously. Why did we have to ruin the ideal picnic? Why is it that the first day a baby is born this attribute – skin color – is focused on right away? Are certain cultural attitudes condemning baby girls (and boys) with lack of “marriageability” from day one? The sad reality is…yes. We have drifted from being the Ummah blind to outer appearances to an Ummah concerned about sure, deen and all that other good stuff, but in our hearts, judging others based on looks, skin color, race…and all these other practices of pure jahiliya (ignorance) still remain. 

It’s human nature to be drawn to what is beautiful – this cannot be denied. But when others have already defined what is appeasing to the eye, how is human nature and personal interest driving this judgment anymore? Thing is, it’s not. When aunties and uncles (usually it seems to be the aunties) predispose baby A to being less marriageable than baby B because her nose is shaped a certain way, because her eye color is a bit lighter or because her skin is darker, we have a serious problem. When sisters or brothers looking to get married compare future potential spouses with celebrities’ photo-shopped looks or put the potential’s pictures on a tray for all their (many-a-time) immature friends to choose between, this is a serious hindrance to our Ummah. 

The point is not to bash aunties – actually, we all have similar attitudes whether we admit it or not. The point isn’t simply to stop friends from talking about who would be a nice match for them. The main problem is: ourselves. We let these ignorant attitudes permeate into our hearts and souls and don’t take the opportunity to stop them. The time has come to reevaluate our own relationship with our Creator, Allah the Most High. He is the Most Merciful, He is the Glorified. And did I mention He is the Creator? Of everything and everyone? And that includes the people who society may deem pretty, ugly, fat, thin, angry-looking, plain, glamorous all coming in varieties of colors? Indeed, He is our Creator. 

Society’s standards of what is beautiful have blinded us from determining this ourselves. The point is, actually, is it even our role or responsibility to say who or what is beautiful? In some ways, we can appreciate the creation of Allah (swt) but in other ways, if it turns into gossip, backbiting and laghw (idle talk), what is the benefit for us in this life and hereafter? 

Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, reported: The Messenger of Allah (may peace be upon him) said:
“Allah does not look at your appearance or your possessions, but He looks at your heart and your deeds.” (Muslim) 

Shaytan’s evil sin of arrogance arose because of a belief that he was better based on his physical characteristics – being made of fire while Allah fashioned Adam (upon him be peace) from clay. What better are our attitudes if we condemn babies from the day they are born to a life of ‘ugliness’? Have we truly understood that beauty is heart deep – heart deep and overflowing its beautiful essence onto the actions of our limbs in servitude to our Creator? Have we appreciate that Allah has honored the diversity of human beings’ physical differences?

“And among His Signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. Verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge.” (Qur’an – Ar-Rum 30:22)

Thus, one of Allah’s signs is the different languages and colors humans represent. Thus, inshaAllah, this article series will explore this very notion of beauty and it’s going to get ‘juicy’, as we share real-life incidents of ‘beauty’ and racism issues in our community and the root problem: not giving priority to the beauty of hearts, the true and ultimate representation of a person in the sight of Allah. With a firm intention to purify one’s heart, we as Muslim women can focus on our journey to Allah (swt) and not our journey towards society’s pleasure. Finally, we all can say we don’t care about beauty, but how in the world do we actually convince ourselves that it doesn’t matter? What is the correct Islamic understanding of beauty in the first place? Stay tuned…

Photo: Looking for a Lighthouse

As intelligent, informed readers, please share other forms of beauty insecurity and racism you see within the Muslim community in the comments section. We need to work together to uproot this filth from our communities and come closer to Allah through a true spirit of brotherhood and sisterhood. 

Stay tuned for the next few articles in the series: CASE STUDIES and SOLUTIONS to this issue of ‘beauty’ insecurity in our communities 
Email zahra@muslimahsource.org to share examples of racism you have witnessed or solutions you may have to offer!

One aspect of our religion that seems to be a ritual nowadays is modesty. It is thought of as only a piece of cloth, a particular manner one upholds when dealing with someone of the opposite gender or, at times, it’s just lip service to counter the lewd state of today’s media, television and pop culture.

So then where does this modesty come from actually? The Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wassalam) told us “Indeed from the teachings of the first prophets which has reached you is, ‘If you do not have shyness, then do as you please.’ ” (Al-Bukhari)

Clearly, this quality of shyness and modesty goes beyond just covering, lowering our gaze and dealing modestly with others around us, though all of these are indeed important and well established practices of our Deen. It is a sense of being in which an individual knowingly restrains him or herself from doing what is wrong and what displeases Allah. It is when one gives up random, heedless thought, statement or conduct in favor of guided, purposeful manner encouraged by the Creator.

Shyness from Allah, therefore – shyness in commiting a sin in secret or public, in being ungrateful to Him– must settle in the heart first and then manifest itself upon the limbs. The fact that Allah the Most High is watching each and every one of us and will take us to account should be our ultimate motivation to be shy and modest.

When it comes to sins, we ought to think, would you do this if the Imam of your masjid was watching you? If no, how about if the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah upon him) was witnessing your act? How about then the Creator and Sustainer of the Worlds, Allah, the Most High – He is always watching us. Some scholars put it well when they said, “Don’t be shaytan’s enemy in public and best friend in private.” For shyness and modesty to truly be a part of us, it must be inculcated in our hearts and minds 24/7.

It is then important to realize that cultivating the seeds of modesty starts with the realization that Allah is watching us at all times and will take us to account. It should remind us all that we are at war with Shaytan, the accursed one, and we need to safeguard our Eeman and souls from the massive daily attacks we face. Among other things, the seeds of modesty reap immediate crops. Did you ever have that one good deed you knew you should do or that one particular sin you knew you should stop? Well, this sense of shyness should be the tipping point for you to get on the bandwagon of Allah’s Pleasure. It should encourage each and every one of us to give up backbiting once and for all, take the initiative to finally speak to our neighbors with a good word, prioritize giving our family members their rights and control our anger when we are about to say something we’ll regret forever. This sense of feeling shy of Allah should of course also manifest itself in other ways such as dealing with others in the society respectfully, wearing modest clothing and lowering our gaze.

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) told us, “Every religion has its characteristic and the characteristic of Islam is modesty.” (al-Muwatta)

The point is, however, where does this modesty begin? It begins with the realization of our purpose in life. Thus, by keeping true to our purpose that Allah has laid out, “I have not created men or jinn except to worship Me alone” (Surah Dhaariat, verse 56), by letting our heart submit to our most perfect Rabb and by allowing shyness of Him to create a beautiful framework of ethos in our life, the rest of the limbs will, inshaAllah, follow suit.

Photo:  khyes

On the other hand, Firdaws* was around my age, maybe a few years older. She and her sister both came to the school to learn English, a strikingly novel endeavor for women in their family who came from the villages of Punjab. Nostalgia embraces me as I remember my down-to-earth conversations with Firdaws. Oh and I can’t forget the card and gift she gave me before I left – a jewelry box I still have on my dresser – and it reminds me of her story. She wanted to marry a certain individual but did not know at all how to approach him in the proper manner. There was a distinct shyness or lack of communication on her part. I remember telling her to not settle for less and to keep in mind the good qualities we should look for in a prospective partner. 

Even upon coming back to the idyllic States, I could not but be attached to the persona and stories of Zareena and Firdaws. Issues of divorce – I’ve seen ‘em in my family. What about marriage? A topic that the Muslim community never tires of talking about. What about the everyday communication gap between young women and their families with regards to marriage or other future aspirations? Been there, done that. 

Clearly, we as American Muslim women, believe it or not, are not disconnected from the stories and realities of Zareena and others like her. In reality, their struggles are our own. Their narrative, in many ways, is our narrative, the story of Muslim women who notice the disparities between reality – the cultures which bind us – and idealism – the liberation offered by Allah, our Creator, what the Book of Allah and the Sunnah offer. But how can we use those shining torches to illuminate and then eliminate silent and manifest injustice in our communities? 

The first step is to tell our story. 

*Names have been changed

“Wa alaikum assalam – Oh, that’s great Ayesha. InshaAllah I’ll catch up with you later, gotta run.” Jannah made an effort to run before she might break down crying out of stress. Did Ayesha really care how she was feeling or was saying “How are you” a way for Ayesha to express how her day was…? Forget it…

“So, how are you?” Kayfa haaluk, como estás, kaisay hain? These inquisitive words seem sincere, carry the hint of truly caring about someone else and the state of their current life, and sound oh-so-darn-cute! But…is it human nature to want to know about how other human beings are around us, is it an outward expression of our eeman when we greet our Muslim brother or sister this way, or is it just a clichéd custom society’s programmed into us since the day we were born?

It depends. There are some of us who greet each other and then quickly mutter “How are you” as if it were attached to the actual salaam itself. Others amongst us lazily enunciate this phrase with the motives of catching up on the latest gossip. Some of us type it in all of our emails and instant messages without a second thought, perhaps hoping to undermine our selfishness as we type away with, yet, another one of our concerns to the other person. Others in the world think about this phrase with their brothers and sisters in mind, their eyes tearing up as they make du’a for their beloved ummatis. A few use a combination of all of these. So which one of these are we? How can this phrase be a means to better ourselves, communities, lives, Ummah and world?

Of course, humans are very selfish at times, of course culture shapes how we do, like, everything, and of course, we want to be polite. But what about compassion and mercy? They are often the missing ingredient in many affairs. How should we sincerely mean the words “How are you” when we say them?

1. Humble yourself—remember Allah is the Most Merciful and you are in most need of His Mercy. His name Ar-Rahmaan signifies His Mercy towards all of creation through blessings such as food, water, shelter, security – necessities of life. His name Ar-Raheem, however, denotes a special Mercy reserved for the Believers, a special type of compassion.

`Umar ibn Al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him) said: Captives were brought to the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) after a battle. Among them was a woman desperately searching for something. When she laid her eyes on a baby she immediately picked it up, clutched it to her breast and started feeding it. Thereupon, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) asked, “Do you think this woman would throw her child into a fire?” We said, “Never! By Allah!” The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) then said, “Allah is more merciful to His slaves than this woman is to her child.” (Muslim)

Let’s make du’a and show through our actions to Allah, the Exalted, that we want and are in desperate need of this Mercy of His. We can ask ourselves “How are we” or “How are you, <insert-self’s-name>”? Answer: In need of Allah’s mercy. This should humble our hearts, make us more thankful and purify our souls from egotistical versions of “How are you” when we speak to our brothers and sisters. Now, we won’t be speaking to them for convenience, selfish reasons and chit-chat alone, but as human beings united in our quest for Allah’s Mercy, together in fulfilling our purpose: “I have not created jinn or humans except to worship Me.” (Qur’an, 51:56)

2. Listen to others, look at them when you speak and make them feel important…because they are! Human beings are social creatures. We all feel like random specks in the universe at times walking amidst hundreds others on campus, standing behind others in the grocery line, in cubicle-d nameless office space, right? Thus, it would be wise to reaffirm each other’s uniqueness and importance by showing mercy and being there for each other. When you smile, mean it. When you say “how are you” say it with every fiber of concern and mercy in you! And when you listen, give the other the contentment of knowing you are there, you care and you are actually listening. Basically, show the love and mercy! Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Allah has divided Mercy into one hundred parts. He kept ninety-nine parts with Him and sent down one part to the earth, and because of that one single part, His creatures are merciful to each other, so that even the mare lifts up its hoof away from its foal, lest it should trample it.” (Al-Bukhari)

When the Prophet (peace and blessings me upon him) interacted with people, he’d treat each person like they were the most important person in the world. He was known for his smile and being accessible to people. Today, being personable, accessible and down-to-earth while being truly sincere may be the breath of fresh air our brotherhood and sisterhood needs.

3. Communication is a two way street; if someone asks you “how are you,” tell them the truth. “I’m overjoyed, I’m bored, I wanna cry, I’m tired, I’m stressed, I would like someone to talk to, I need help.” A lot of times it is just assumed that if someone is saying “how are you” they are saying it out of courtesy. But both frames of mind need to be changed—the asker and the asked. If the asker is sincere, the asked will also have an inclination towards sincerity and respond that way. This dialogue may help uncover some of our communities’ deeper hidden problems – we just need honesty and sincerity from both sides to get there!

With humbled hearts reminded of our ultimate purpose, the knowledge that mercy does exist in our world, and with proper communication, our “how are you’s” can go a long way! A simple “how are you” can make it or break it for the psyche and atmosphere of the community, serving as a tool for social change! If we are not bonded together by the glue of brotherhood and eeman, if we don’t make ourselves accessible to each other in our communities through the mercy Allah has given us, our communities – our brothers, our sisters, our children –will continue to suffer in silence.

So let’s use “How are you” as a blessed tool of compassion and mercy. Go say “How are you” to someone today and mean it with all your being!

Photo: Intuitive Healing Center

Khadija was born in 556 CE to Fatima bint Za’ed and Khawailid bin Asad, a renowned businessnman and leader from the tribe of Quraish. She married Abu Halah Malak bin Nabash at-Tamimi and had two children, Halah and Hind. He passed away later and she then married ‘Atiq bin ‘Aith al-Makhzoomi and had a daughter named Hindah. The marriage broke up due to incompatibility so Khadija, may Allah be pleased with her, continued to run her father’s business. Her foresight in hiring the most qualified workers and her sharp business skills contributed in part to the success of her business. She would export fine Makkan goods to lands as far away as Syria through her managers and they would, in turn, bring back goods from other lands to Makkah, a central trading town in Arabia. The managers would get fifty percent profit, a promising reward and motivation.

Khadija had heard of the honesty and integrity of Muhammad, peace be upon him, and sent him a job offer, one he accepted. On one business trip, he was accompanied by Maysara, Khadija’s trusted servant. Maysara was amazed by Muhammad (saws)’s adherence to firm principle and character throughout the trip. On their return, Maysara related these incidents to Khadija who was beyond impressed with her employee Muhammad (saws). She was so impressed that she considered marrying him, since such qualities and traits displayed by Muhammad (saws) were not the commonality in all men.

One night, she dreamt that the radiant sun had lowered itself into her courtyard, illuminating her home. She went to her cousin, Waraqah bin Nofil, a religious man who knew much of the Torah and Injil, for an interpretation of her dream. Upon hearing her dream, he explained it was a glad tiding that the Prophet (saw)’s presence would grace her home. When Khadija heard this, her inclination towards marrying Muhammad (saws) grew. Her friend Nafisah bint Manbah knew of Khadija’s intent and approached Muhammad (saws) about this very subject. She requested his permission to ask a very personal question, to which he said he had no reservation. Subsequently, she asked him why he was not yet married. He explained he did not have such financial resources at the time. She then asked if he would be interested in marrying a beautiful, wealthy lady from a noble family who was interested in marrying him. He asked about whom Nafisah was referring to, and she told him it was none other than Khadija, may Allah be pleased with her. He said, Yes, he was willing to marry her, if she too was interested. When Khadija heard of this, she was elated and preparations for the wedding were soon made. The uncles of Muhammad (saws), Abu Talib and Hamza, may Allah be pleased with him, approached Khadija’s uncle, ‘Umar ibn Asad, with the formal proposal for marriage. Upon acceptance, the date was set, preparations were made and were soon carried out. Much festivity and happiness graced the atmosphere of the wedding and Khadija, may Allah be pleased with her, was truly blessed with a husband akin to the bright sun, Muhammad (saws). Most reports indicate that Muhammad (saws) was twenty-five at the age of marriage and Khadija was forty years old, though according to one tradition, she was twenty-eight.

Khadija was blessed with not only Muhammad (saws) as a husband but also with six children. Two sons, Qasim and Abdullah, passed away while they were young, but Zainab, Ruqayyah, Umm Kulthum and Fatima, may Allah be pleased with them, content, wonderful and intelligent, were daughters to be proud of.

Around this time, Muhammad (saws) would frequent the mount of Hira in meditation and worship. He never worshipped the idols of the Quraish, nor did he partake in frugal and wasteful activities of his people including drinking alcohol, witnessing obscenities and conducting oneself in rude and harsh behavior. He always felt unique and different in his beliefs and took the cave of Hira as a refuge. One night as he was there alone, Muhammad (saws) would leave being known as Prophet Muhammad (saws). He was visited by the Angel Jibreel. At first, when he heard the voice and saw the angel, he was shocked and terrified. The angel asked him to recite/read: “Iqra.” The Prophet (saws) explained, “I am not a reader/I don’t know how to read.” Again, the angel commanded him to read until finally it pressed him so hard that he felt like he would die. The angel finally told him what would be known as the first revelation, surah ‘Alaq or surah Iqra:

“Read! In the name of your Lord Who created, created man from a clot of congealed blood. Read! And your Lord is Most Generous. Who has taught the writing by the pen. He has taught men that which he knew not.” (96:1-5)

Then, the angel disappeared. Muhammad (saws) was left alone, shaking and quivering at this most astonishing experience. He ran down the mountain towards his abode with Khadija and when he looked up at the sky, every direction he turned towards the sky showed him nothing besides the grandeur of this angel. More terrified than before, he hastened towards his home. Upon seeing her husband in this shaken-up state, Khadija was surprised and comforted him to the best of her ability. He told her, “Cover me, cover me” and she calmed him, telling him not to fear. When he narrated the incident to his wife, Khadija soothed him more by saying that Allah would never disgrace him or humiliate him: he was good to the orphans, always helped others and always epitomized perfection of character and honesty. These simple words gave Muhammad (saws) immeasurable calmness and contentment.

Khadija took her husband to her cousin, Waraqa, and he explained that Muhammad (saws) was visited by the same angel that visited the other prophets with revelation. He told Muhammad (saws) that he would be driven out by his own people and he would be a Prophet. Muhammad (saws) could not believe it but later revelations continued to come, confirming this reality.

Khadija, may Allah be pleased with her, continued supporting her husband, the Seal of the Prophets (saws) as he continued receiving revelation from the Creator and Sustainer of the universe. She spent her wealth in the cause of Islam and when the Makkans carried out a total political and economic boycott of the Muslims, she endured likewise. Khadija, a woman who grew up in the lap of lavishness, bore the hardships of sacrifice because she knew the Hereafter was more important than this life. Some Muslims during the boycott, including women and children, were so desperate and hungry that they would even eat leaves of trees to survive, but she persevered nevertheless. Unfortunately the boycott left Khadija extremely weak and she soon passed away. The Prophet (saw)’s uncle also passed away around this time, a double blow for the Messenger of Allah because the people who supported him most were now gone from this world.

Not only did Khadija, may Allah be pleased with her, provide financial assistance to the cause of Islam but she also consoled the Prophet (saw), was the first believer and was a prime example for the Muslim women at the time.

Even after her death, the Prophet (saw) would send food to Khadija’s friends and always remembered her regularly. Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, would proclaim her natural feminine jealousy to the Prophet (saw) whenever he spoke of Khadija. She asked him why he remembered her so much when now, Allah had blessed him with a younger, better wife. The Prophet (saw) got disappointed by this question. How could he not remember the woman who was there for him when the whole world was against him? How could he not appreciate the sacrifices of this noble woman of Quraish who gave up her content life for a life of sacrifice and utmost patience? And how could he disregard the pure beauty and faith of the woman who even Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) and the angel Jibreel had said salaam to? No, he could not and would not forget his Khadija, his first love, and neither should we. Her example as one of the four best women of the world shines brilliantly for us.

1. Her unshakable faith and acceptance of Islam as the first follower is an exemplary quality for us all! Whenever we see a chance for good, an opportunity to accept the truth and share it with others, we should hasten towards it without second thoughts. Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) encourages us in Surah Hadeed, verse 21 to “Race one with another in hastening towards Forgiveness from your Lord (Allâh), and towards Paradise, the width whereof is as the width of heaven and earth, prepared for those who believe in Allâh and His Messengers.” Even if we are the only people in our city to start a halaqa or study circle, the only person in our MSA to stand up for a positive idea or only Muslim in our school or workplace who avoids the bad and turns towards the pleasure of Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala), we should rejoice that we are in the company of a noble woman such as Khadija in our efforts.

2. We see that Khadija, may Allah be pleased with her, supported the Prophet (saw) in his most difficult moments through her consoling words, advice and wisdom. She was there for him when the world was against him. This demonstrates a key aspect of the Muslim marriage: mutual consultation, loving for the other what is best and making the life of one’s spouse easier. Khadija was a solid rock, a haven of security, for the Prophet (saw). We should ask ourselves: are we solid rocks for the spouses, parents and da’ees in our lives? Or do we just let them bear the burden of the world on their shoulders by themselves without doing our part to nurture, cultivate and encourage their good intentions and efforts more? A simple phrase such as “Thank you, Jazak Allahu khair, Great job, I love what you are doing and we all appreciate it” while you really mean it will probably encourage someone more than you imagine!

3. The most important quality of Khadija is that she preferred the Hereafter over the Dunya. She was willing to sacrifice her temporary lifestyle of comfort in order to gain the pleasure of her Creator. In life today, sacrifice is hardly a common word spoken of let alone thought of as a practical action to implement in our world of laziness and hedonism. But truly, life is a test and Allah will reward those who struggled, were patient and sacrificed. Allah, the Most High, says in Suratul A’la, verses 16-17: “Nay, you prefer the life of this world, Although the Hereafter is better and more lasting.”

Take this moment as you read to think about your priorities and what kind of person you would like to be known as to Allah on the Day of Judgment. One who passed the real test of existence – the one which the scales and our deeds alone will determine – or frugal pursuits of this temporary life.

May Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) raise us all in the companion of the Prophets, Companions and Mothers of the Believers, among whom Khadija’s example resonates strongly. May Allah (subhanahu wa ta’ala) help us to conquer our own nafs (soul) in order to come closer to Him and His Jannatul Firdous (Highest of Paradise), ameen.

References:
(1) Great Women of Islam, Darussalam.

Photo Courtesy: W

The implicit assumption underlying these competitions is the notion of standards: beauty, womanhood and perfection in a nutshell in this one woman and it all boils down to her, Miss Universe, the eclectic blend of all the goodness in our wonderful world…Not!

Why in the world does this one woman represent us all? Who said it was only she who would represent women? Actually, nobody did. It’s just our own lack of purpose and lack of positive models as well as society’s active pushing of someone or something into the throat of the ’social vacuum’ that propels this standard.

But for us Muslim women, alhamdu lillah, All Praise is for Allah, we already have the answers in His Book and the Sunnah of our Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). Allah tells us in the Qur’an in Surah Dhaariat (51:56) that He has “not created Jinn or humans except to worship [Him] alone.” Our purpose, far from pleasing society, is to please our Creator and submit to Him. His final Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) told us about the top women, the Ultimate “Miss Universe”-es we, by nature, are looking to emulate.

The Prophets, leaders of mankind towards Allah and the Straight Path, know that people desire and need role models and beneficial standards. Thus, he explained to us through an example a powerful lesson.

The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, drew four lines on the ground, then he said, “Do you know what this is?” We said, “Allah and His Messenger know best.” The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said: “The best of the women of Paradise are Khadeejah bint Khuwaylid, Faatimah bint Muhammad, Aasiyah bint Mazaahim the wife of Pharaoh, and Maryam bint ‘Imraan – may Allah be pleased with them all.

(Reported in the Musnad of Imaam Ahmad 2663 and it’s Saheeh)

And also what was reported in Sunan at-Tirimdhee and is saheeh:
Sufficient for you among the women of the world are Maryam the daughter of ‘Imraan. Khadeejah bint Khuwaylid, Faatimah bint Muhammad and Aasiyah the wife of Pharaoh.

The truth of the matter is…these are the top “Miss Universe”-s we should emulate. So much so that the Prophet, upon him be peace, even mentioned they are sufficient for us, implying, truly, they are adequate role models for us! These four women are the epitome of true womanhood, true happiness and true success in this life and the Hereafter.

The struggle and determination of Aasiyah against her arrogant, tyrant of a husband, the cursed Pharaoh who claimed he was the “Lord Most High” to Maryam, the mother of Jesus, peace be upon him, who bore him with dignity and withstood accusations from her people, to whom Allah would bring down food near her place of worship as a sign of her devotion. Among them was Khadijah, the honored lady who consoled our Prophet and was the first to accept his call, and no one can forget Fatima, a true daughter of our Prophet, her hands perseveringly blistered as she worked in her home, desiring the comfort of the Hereafter while enduring the inevitable hardships of this life.

Tell me…what emotions, values and keys to success do you not find in these women? From their patience, struggle and submission to Allah to their honesty, goodwill and compassion, to their ability to question the status quo which enslaved people to the worldly life and creation while their hearts yearned for the Hereafter and their Creator are only glimpses behind the reasons why Allah, in His Ultimate Wisdom, chose these women as our exemplars and best of women.

Many today have an emptiness and lack of purpose which, in turn, creates a vacuum in our 21st century times. TV, media, gossip, morally decayed philosophies and secularism, to name a few, are all actively seeking to fill the void in this vacuum. But it is only by similarly actively reviving the knowledge of our purpose of life as told by our Creator and following His Straight Path, Prophets and righteous people of the past, such as these four women that we can seek to succeed and find that contentment. And it is only by following the true standard of womanhood of these four and actively, not stagnantly, seeking to relive their legacies in our homes, schools, communities and world that we Muslim women can shun “Miss Universe”’s standard justly-because now, we have the standard stamped and approved not by societal demands, changing outlooks on beauty or unfathomable views of women as tools of consumerism, but by our Creator, Most High, who knows us better than we know ourselves.

All praise is for Allah that we already have the tool for this pure renaissance, the beautiful, purposeful change from within, changing ourselves and our communities for the better as Muslim women, following in the momentous, engraved footsteps of these four, and many other, righteous women of the past.  Just look at your bookshelf. The Book of Allah and the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, the ultimate tools for positive social change, are what you will find.

Thus, the amazing part is that the change is already, and has been, here, but it’s just our legacies in which the pages are crisp, white and melting like a precious snowflake. Time is running out and our deeds are…in need of that pure renaissance, in need of blessed revival from within.

Photo courtesy: 7Art Screensavers