Domestic Abuse
July 12, 2009 by Muslimah Source
Filed under New from our experts!
Assalmo Allaykum, What treatment or advice do you have for a man who abuses his wife. These situations occur when he loses power or control of a situation and feels his wife is leaving him?
Wa Alaikum Salaam, Sister:
I hope and pray that you are well, Insha Allah.
Wife abuse often occurs in situations where a man is otherwise incapable of maintaining his leadership and control of his family effectively. Such men are often highly anxious, have a low self-image and self-confidence. Anger and violence is their way of feeling strong and in-control. They also tend to be quite dependent and parasitic. They need help, but often won’t accept it unless they are forced into, often by the law, or when they truly fear losing their family.
If the husband is not willing to seek counseling, then the wife needs some counseling and guidance for emotional support and to look at the alternatives and how to pursue them in a healthy way. Often, the wives stick it out for the sake of children, or for the sake of family’s honor, and for many other reasons; and therefore continue to suffer. But, there are other ways to deal with these types of situation, and more healthy ways of dealing with them.
Hope this helps, Insha Allah. I pray for your health and well being. Insha Allah Khair.
Answered by Dr. Mohammed Sadiq
(4 votes, average: 4.50 out of 5)
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What are some resources for women’s counseling? What if the family is not familiar with the masjid, what if the woman wants counseling from a Muslim woman professional, maybe with a mental health education? Do you know where to start looking.
Assalamu Alaikum:
I have been down that road, mashallah. Believe me, it will never stop unless the brother gets help. Alhamdullilah I got out. There is an organization called http://www.sista2sista.org where they help muslimahs in these types of situations. Allah is the best to plan and may He help us, Ameen!
what are the other ways of dealing with it, the question wasnt totally answered
THe question won’t be answered because to do so would be to ultimately tell the women to leave if in fear for her safety. I know everyone would like to think men will follow Quranic injunctions when it comes to letting their wives leave if they fear harm but abusive men don’t work that way. Also there are those who will give many many excuses for why the brother had no choice but to beat her (I always hear the lovely excuse of manly men having a hot temper), and sisters who will advice her to go home and try harder. This is why, more often than not, any sister leaving an abusive man will have to leave the Muslims out of it entirely and seek outside help (Gasp!)- it is all very very sad. If only we could truly take care of our own, like we should.
The sister should talk to the Imam at the Masjid they go to or his wife- perhaps the Imam could speak to the husband and teach him what the Qura’n says about how to treat his wife. If he is a true Muslim then Allahs (swt) words should move him.