Taming the Tongue

By: Mariam Al-Kalby

Most of us have done it. We do it when we want revenge. Or to make people laugh. We do it out of peer pressure. Or to make ourselves feel better. Without even realizing it, many of us backbite – we take out our fangs and plunge the serrated edges deep into the flesh of evil.

As Islam teaches, backbiting is wrong and a major sin. Backbiting, or gheebah in Arabic, is when a person talks about someone in a way that he or she would not like to hear about themselves.

The Qur’an states, “O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion; indeed some suspicions are sins.  And spy not, neither backbite one another.  Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother?  You would hate it (so hate backbiting)” (49:12).

This behavior can be seen plenty of times and when a Muslims partakes in it, it is a grave sin, and Allah (SWT) has illustrated how harrowing this sin is.

The Muslim Ummah needs to create unity and honor for one another instead of building corruption and chaos within the society. Words that cause fitnah, or problems, sever Muslim relations and bonds. One evil word escaping from someone’s inconsiderate tongue can cause a negative ripple effect among Muslims and unravel the strings of unity that holds our Ummah together.

Backbiting aside, slander is even more vicious. Slander is saying something about a person that is not true, whereas backbiting is saying something that is true but that they would dislike having made public.

Allah’s Messenger (saw) said, “Do you know what backbiting is?”  The companions said, “Allah and His Messenger (saw) know best.”

The Prophet answered, “It is to mention something about your brother that he dislikes.”  They said, “Even if what you said is truly found in your brother?”  He (saw) said, “If what you said is truly found in him, you have backbitten him.  If it is not truly found in him, then you have slandered him” (Muslim).

Muslims commit this sin often, and the comments come in all different forms. Backbiting can include comments on physical traits, lineage, clothes, work, manner, conducts. It’s basically anything the person would not like to hear and is being mentioned without their presence constitutes as backbiting.

There are exceptions that would not be considered gheebah. In Surah An Nisa (verse 148), Allah states, “Allah loveth not the shouting of evil words in public speech, except by one who has been wronged …”

This means that if a person has had an unjust situation done to him by another, the former has the right to complain to an authority that can assist in undoing the injustice.

Another exception is warning people of their evilness. On the authority of Fatimah bint Qays, she said, “I came to the Prophet (saw) and told him, “Abu Jahm and Mu`awiyah have (both) proposed to me.” He said, “As for Mu`awiyah, he is a poor man with no money, and as for Abu Jahm, his stick never leaves his shoulder,” (Bukhari, Muslim, Malik).  This is an example of mentioning things that would benefit the person to see if someone is compatible for them, and in this case, it was marriage.

There is a remedy for backbiting and slander.  If a Muslim wants to be forgiven, he or she can apologize to the abused if the abused is aware of the backbiting.

The Prophet (saw) said, “Whoever has wronged his brother, in the way of property or honor, let him go to him and repair it, before it is taken (from him on a day) when he has no dirhams or dinars, such that if he has any good deeds, some of the good deeds will be taken and given to (the wronged one), otherwise (if he has no good deeds), some of the other’s evil deeds will be taken and cast upon him,” (Bukhari, Ahmad).

And if the person was not aware that backbiting took place, we should still ask Allah to forgive us for having engaged in backbiting. “The expiation with regard to one who has been backbited is that forgiveness be asked for him,” (Suyuti, Al-Jami` As-Saghir).

May Allah (SWT) protect our tongues from causing harm and bless our tongues with words of kindness to our Muslim brothers and sisters.

Mariam Al-Kalby was an Islamic Studies teacher for four years in Orange County.