Comments on: An Open Letter to Mr. Single-and-Looking http://www.muslimahsource.org/relationships/an-open-letter-to-mr-single-and-looking/ Tue, 07 Feb 2012 23:57:24 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc hourly 1 By: Umm Rabia http://www.muslimahsource.org/relationships/an-open-letter-to-mr-single-and-looking/#comment-23583 Umm Rabia Fri, 19 Aug 2011 06:57:12 +0000 http://www.muslimahsource.org/?p=1556#comment-23583 Salaam to all, What you write about is what a married muslim woman should be..i reminisce my early marriage days :(((( I never argued, my in-laws always told me I was doing too much for their son, told him that i won'y do anything wrong if he wants to marry again since i acknowledge that he has the right to have a second wife... he told me that he was in his right to chat with women till late at night since he has three slots free and he was always on the lookout for a second wife...till one day thechatting became texting and meeting, I was compelled, harassed and beaten to meet the co-wife-to-be to tell her that i dont mind my husband has a second wife, to tell her that my husband loves her..that i didnt find any problem with it, i had to tell her all that so as to avoid being beaten back home...till came the day that i was supposed to go tell the girl's mother that i didnt mind having a co-wife, I was continually harassed into that while they kept texting night and day, my husband stopped sleeping next to me so as to be on his pc..then one day i had to break free from the emotional and physical abuse... i sought advice, parents, imaam, a lawyer friend, siblings...i came to know that i have been brainwashed, that its not a muslim's wife duty to go encourage a prospective second wife to marry her husband or go be the marriage maker...i came to know that a muslim married woman's duty was to obey, but obey by using her brains as well nad not simply her heart...that her kids might need her more than their father.. that fathers don't have parental instinct and might noty always choose the best for his children... Well...dunno how to relate all this to your post...it's just that that was exactly my state of mind was before my husband's affair started..but i know they are good muslim men out there, that not all men take having a second wife as their end-of-life obsession, that not all men will debase their wives to such a level..May ALLAH guide us all and may we always remember and thank HIM for the faculties HE bestowed on us... Jazakallah khairan<p class="top-comments">Current score: <span class="top-comments-karma" id="karma-23583">1</span> <small>(to vote for this comment, please visit the site)</small></p> Salaam to all,
What you write about is what a married muslim woman should be..i reminisce my early marriage days :( ((( I never argued, my in-laws always told me I was doing too much for their son, told him that i won’y do anything wrong if he wants to marry again since i acknowledge that he has the right to have a second wife… he told me that he was in his right to chat with women till late at night since he has three slots free and he was always on the lookout for a second wife…till one day thechatting became texting and meeting, I was compelled, harassed and beaten to meet the co-wife-to-be to tell her that i dont mind my husband has a second wife, to tell her that my husband loves her..that i didnt find any problem with it, i had to tell her all that so as to avoid being beaten back home…till came the day that i was supposed to go tell the girl’s mother that i didnt mind having a co-wife, I was continually harassed into that while they kept texting night and day, my husband stopped sleeping next to me so as to be on his pc..then one day i had to break free from the emotional and physical abuse… i sought advice, parents, imaam, a lawyer friend, siblings…i came to know that i have been brainwashed, that its not a muslim’s wife duty to go encourage a prospective second wife to marry her husband or go be the marriage maker…i came to know that a muslim married woman’s duty was to obey, but obey by using her brains as well nad not simply her heart…that her kids might need her more than their father.. that fathers don’t have parental instinct and might noty always choose the best for his children…
Well…dunno how to relate all this to your post…it’s just that that was exactly my state of mind was before my husband’s affair started..but i know they are good muslim men out there, that not all men take having a second wife as their end-of-life obsession, that not all men will debase their wives to such a level..May ALLAH guide us all and may we always remember and thank HIM for the faculties HE bestowed on us…
Jazakallah khairan

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]]> By: seemee http://www.muslimahsource.org/relationships/an-open-letter-to-mr-single-and-looking/#comment-17576 seemee Sat, 30 Apr 2011 12:58:44 +0000 http://www.muslimahsource.org/?p=1556#comment-17576 LOL....the mothers of these men are to be blamed for raising such weak men...men of our father's generation were real men...the ones these days are immature boys taught to look for outer beauty bec they themselves are hollow from within bec their mothers never taught them what was important in a wife<p class="top-comments">Current score: <span class="top-comments-karma" id="karma-17576">0</span> <small>(to vote for this comment, please visit the site)</small></p> LOL….the mothers of these men are to be blamed for raising such weak men…men of our father’s generation were real men…the ones these days are immature boys taught to look for outer beauty bec they themselves are hollow from within bec their mothers never taught them what was important in a wife

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]]> By: Anam http://www.muslimahsource.org/relationships/an-open-letter-to-mr-single-and-looking/#comment-14434 Anam Sun, 01 Aug 2010 18:15:36 +0000 http://www.muslimahsource.org/?p=1556#comment-14434 Jazakillahu Khairun Ameera!! This was beautifully written and really does get the point across. I think it's sad that people still choose specifically for superficial reasons, but Allah hu Alam maybe it's he's way of telling you the guys not right.<p class="top-comments">Current score: <span class="top-comments-karma" id="karma-14434">0</span> <small>(to vote for this comment, please visit the site)</small></p> Jazakillahu Khairun Ameera!!

This was beautifully written and really does get the point across. I think it’s sad that people still choose specifically for superficial reasons, but Allah hu Alam maybe it’s he’s way of telling you the guys not right.

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]]> By: Anam http://www.muslimahsource.org/relationships/an-open-letter-to-mr-single-and-looking/#comment-14433 Anam Sun, 01 Aug 2010 18:13:58 +0000 http://www.muslimahsource.org/?p=1556#comment-14433 “A man can help his children only once in their life and that is when he is selecting their mother.” <-- that is my new favorite quote!<p class="top-comments">Current score: <span class="top-comments-karma" id="karma-14433">1</span> <small>(to vote for this comment, please visit the site)</small></p> “A man can help his children only once in their life and that is when he is selecting their mother.” <– that is my new favorite quote!

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]]> By: Anam http://www.muslimahsource.org/relationships/an-open-letter-to-mr-single-and-looking/#comment-14432 Anam Sun, 01 Aug 2010 18:11:46 +0000 http://www.muslimahsource.org/?p=1556#comment-14432 i completely agree that it can be the parents sometimes... i have had friends that have gotten married and i've heard my mom make comments like 'why did she marry him he's so short' or 'he's from so and so a country she should have married someone from her country' etc. etc. and it sickens me looks and country your from are all superficial and the piety is what you should be looking at... it can go both ways for the girl or the guy.<p class="top-comments">Current score: <span class="top-comments-karma" id="karma-14432">0</span> <small>(to vote for this comment, please visit the site)</small></p> i completely agree that it can be the parents sometimes… i have had friends that have gotten married and i’ve heard my mom make comments like ‘why did she marry him he’s so short’ or ‘he’s from so and so a country she should have married someone from her country’ etc. etc. and it sickens me looks and country your from are all superficial and the piety is what you should be looking at… it can go both ways for the girl or the guy.

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]]> By: Ahmed http://www.muslimahsource.org/relationships/an-open-letter-to-mr-single-and-looking/#comment-14341 Ahmed Mon, 12 Jul 2010 22:54:29 +0000 http://www.muslimahsource.org/?p=1556#comment-14341 Great article! masha'Allah to you sisters. At the end of the day, it's all about the priorities and I have seen too many men who regret marrying a woman solely because she was beautiful and have either suffered themselves or had children who were raised poorly by such a woman. I am not saying that all beautiful women are vain, but many men are more willing to overlook character/personal deficiencies when the woman is very beautiful. Sometimes a man doesn't even marry a woman HE thinks is beautiful, he marries a woman that society THINKS is beautiful (e.g. fair-skin).....so is he marrying a woman that appeals to him or appeals to society/family norms/customs. Birds of a feather flock together, and maybe vain women are for vain men......when you add to that children take many of the qualities of their parents it can make for very bad offspring. There's a proverb in my country that says: "A man can help his children only once in their life and that is when he is selecting their mother." If a man choses a woman only based on her looks, it's a serious gamble and he does so at his own peril. If you want good children, you need a good mother.....<p class="top-comments">Current score: <span class="top-comments-karma" id="karma-14341">1</span> <small>(to vote for this comment, please visit the site)</small></p> Great article! masha’Allah to you sisters.

At the end of the day, it’s all about the priorities and I have seen too many men who regret marrying a woman solely because she was beautiful and have either suffered themselves or had children who were raised poorly by such a woman.

I am not saying that all beautiful women are vain, but many men are more willing to overlook character/personal deficiencies when the woman is very beautiful.

Sometimes a man doesn’t even marry a woman HE thinks is beautiful, he marries a woman that society THINKS is beautiful (e.g. fair-skin)…..so is he marrying a woman that appeals to him or appeals to society/family norms/customs.

Birds of a feather flock together, and maybe vain women are for vain men……when you add to that children take many of the qualities of their parents it can make for very bad offspring.

There’s a proverb in my country that says: “A man can help his children only once in their life and that is when he is selecting their mother.”

If a man choses a woman only based on her looks, it’s a serious gamble and he does so at his own peril.

If you want good children, you need a good mother…..

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]]> By: Ayesha http://www.muslimahsource.org/relationships/an-open-letter-to-mr-single-and-looking/#comment-14332 Ayesha Sat, 10 Jul 2010 17:53:07 +0000 http://www.muslimahsource.org/?p=1556#comment-14332 Wow..very well written and articulated! I feel bad though, sometimes those lame standards of height, beauty and skin tone are set upon the potential grooms by their parents. Sometimes the sons really do just want a pious wife, but it's his parents that want the trophy-daughter-in-law. In the end, they're making their own lives difficult in their pursuit for the near impossible to find.<p class="top-comments">Current score: <span class="top-comments-karma" id="karma-14332">0</span> <small>(to vote for this comment, please visit the site)</small></p> Wow..very well written and articulated! I feel bad though, sometimes those lame standards of height, beauty and skin tone are set upon the potential grooms by their parents. Sometimes the sons really do just want a pious wife, but it’s his parents that want the trophy-daughter-in-law.

In the end, they’re making their own lives difficult in their pursuit for the near impossible to find.

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]]> By: Uncarved http://www.muslimahsource.org/relationships/an-open-letter-to-mr-single-and-looking/#comment-14314 Uncarved Sat, 03 Jul 2010 19:10:33 +0000 http://www.muslimahsource.org/?p=1556#comment-14314 Hehe, Ameera, I don't know where Abu Ibrahim is from, but the best answer for the 'short' height requirement would be that in this part of the world, average heights are below 6. So if a man himself is below 6, he would want his wife to be even lower than that lol! Superficialiaty is ofcourse a given in all this.<p class="top-comments">Current score: <span class="top-comments-karma" id="karma-14314">0</span> <small>(to vote for this comment, please visit the site)</small></p> Hehe, Ameera, I don’t know where Abu Ibrahim is from, but the best answer for the ’short’ height requirement would be that in this part of the world, average heights are below 6. So if a man himself is below 6, he would want his wife to be even lower than that lol! Superficialiaty is ofcourse a given in all this.

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]]> By: AZH http://www.muslimahsource.org/relationships/an-open-letter-to-mr-single-and-looking/#comment-14239 AZH Wed, 16 Jun 2010 19:13:48 +0000 http://www.muslimahsource.org/?p=1556#comment-14239 I completely agree with you on that one sister. I've come across a lot of men who think they are ready to get married either of their own accord or due to their families wishes. It turns out that they are immature and insecure, especially if a woman is more ambitious than him.<p class="top-comments">Current score: <span class="top-comments-karma" id="karma-14239">1</span> <small>(to vote for this comment, please visit the site)</small></p> I completely agree with you on that one sister. I’ve come across a lot of men who think they are ready to get married either of their own accord or due to their families wishes. It turns out that they are immature and insecure, especially if a woman is more ambitious than him.

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]]> By: ansha http://www.muslimahsource.org/relationships/an-open-letter-to-mr-single-and-looking/#comment-14232 ansha Mon, 14 Jun 2010 06:34:40 +0000 http://www.muslimahsource.org/?p=1556#comment-14232 Dear Ameera, That was a wonderful eye-opener, even from a girl's perspective ;p I have had my own doubts that no man would ever be interested in a plain-jane, but your story reminds me that ultimately, it is The Creator that we aim to please! Maybe it is not time for me to settle down yet, maybe it is Allah's way of giving me a chance to enjoy life to the fullest as a single lady, and perhaps He thinks I have not done enough for my parents...I will never know, just as I will never guess if I may or may not get married :) But I do know this. After seeing my friends get married to long time sweethearts based on the romance they have built for years, not many are happy and live life filled with barkah. I'm not saying all, but those who actually searched for a partner that can lead them to Allah's path, maybe poor in life, but rich in contentment... But you're also right in suggesting to write about superficial women too...besides making another good read, it will definitely be another eye-opener!! good luck and salam sistah :)<p class="top-comments">Current score: <span class="top-comments-karma" id="karma-14232">1</span> <small>(to vote for this comment, please visit the site)</small></p> Dear Ameera,

That was a wonderful eye-opener, even from a girl’s perspective ;p I have had my own doubts that no man would ever be interested in a plain-jane, but your story reminds me that ultimately, it is The Creator that we aim to please!
Maybe it is not time for me to settle down yet, maybe it is Allah’s way of giving me a chance to enjoy life to the fullest as a single lady, and perhaps He thinks I have not done enough for my parents…I will never know, just as I will never guess if I may or may not get married :)
But I do know this. After seeing my friends get married to long time sweethearts based on the romance they have built for years, not many are happy and live life filled with barkah. I’m not saying all, but those who actually searched for a partner that can lead them to Allah’s path, maybe poor in life, but rich in contentment…
But you’re also right in suggesting to write about superficial women too…besides making another good read, it will definitely be another eye-opener!! good luck and salam sistah :)

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