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I didn’t even think about the social ramifications of taking heat for marrying a Muslim and then feeling unable to complain to family about the man because of the “I told you so” reaction . That’s really problematic…

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Your story did not mention whether the woman was a completely random stranger, or someone who lives in the neighborhood. If she lives nearby, and you see her just in passing, be sure to wave. Smile. Build up trust that maybe some time she will come to you when she needs it. Allah will give her strength through your presence, a wave and hello can mean a lot.

This woman may not be in physical danger. She may be desperately in need of a friend or Allah’s reassuring presence. Remember, she is not Muslim, but married to one – most likely her family has rejected her. Even if the family is in contact, she dare not ever criticize her husband to them, or risk the “I told you so, just leave the jerk”. Her non-Muslim friends probably think the same.

This is social problem in more ways than one. American society is fractured and isolated for many, without the safety net of an extended family and even many church-goers are now too self-consumed to truly provide emotional support. This woman, were she a Christian, could not turn to her church either.

Something for all of us to think about, extending our friendship. Do we take every opportunity or only pick select ones?

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I guess, all we can do is pray, pray for everyone, pray for non-muslims to become muslims, faux-muslims to become eu-muslims, pray for muslims to become better muslims, and more than everything, teach our children what Islam is, especially our boys that you can’t use culture/social pressure to legitimize un-islamic ways, teach them to first give people their rights before expecting rights. I see it everyday, everywhere, and i wish and pray that some day InshaAllah all mothers will bring up their boys to be men who respect and care for women as they ought to be cared for. Most men, either in the name of Islam or culture, are very insistent on taking their preferential rights – the right to govern, the right to make decisions, but they forget the basic rights that Islam has given women – the right to dignity and justice, leave alone ‘preferential’ rights…. Maybe boys will be influenced by what they see around, but If mothers ingrain in their children, the fear of Allah, the fact that a fellow Muslim’s right to dignity is inviolable, maybe, by Allah’s grace, we will be able to break this cycle. Just like the solution to every other problem, all we have to do is try and be closer to Allah, educate ourselves and our loved ones, and make du’a.

I see so many women suffer like this, most carry on even in the most suffocating of marriages just for their children, just because they now that they know that there is no place, no sympathy, no shelter around for women like them. Where would they go and ask for justice and understanding? Who would hold a man accountable for all those injustices? I can only see the long-term solution to these problems, and that is to establish Sharia law … in the meanwhile, i guess all we can do is to try and establish social-support system for our women, and carry around their business cards in our purses….

May Allah make us all better muslims, muslims whose words and deeds lighten people’s burdens and make their faith stronger in Allah, and make us not of those who do injustice to our religion by being unjust to others…

P.S.: apologies for the ’strong’ sentiments, but I am so heart-broken at seeing women treated like this everywhere.

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