Comments on: Finding Mr. Perfect

By: Mks1982

Mks1982 — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 06:44:03 +0000

Assalam O Alaikum all! I really loved this article even though I am a brother. It is so nice to see the original post and comments coming from sisters who put religion before looks etc. All these worldly attractions are not even lasting in this world, if we are good looking then 15-20 years down the line those looks are going to fade, what stays with us right from very young age till death is our character, personality, attitude and behaviour toward other human beings who we come across everyday without discriminating them on the basis of their colour, religion, culture or background etc. As far as marriage goes, there is no doubt about physical attraction, as I have seen marriages falling apart just because of this one thing, but WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT IS THE DEEN, find someone who follows the religion exactly the way it's been taught and practically shown by our beloved Prophet (PBUH). Very often, we Muslim brothers and sisters follow what is easy or what suits our individual needs, which is totally wrong and we suffer in this world and will suffer in the hereafter as well. Within marriage what is important is communication, respect, honesty, being faithful, considerate, patience forgiving nature and always ready to sacrifice to make things work. Islam has given us the model in the form of our Prophet (PBUH) who married not 1 but 12 women and not a single one of them ever complained about his treatment, behaviour toward them. Why we can't make this work even with one women. It really hurts to see so many women are still victim of harassment, dis-respect, physical and mental torture, abuse in the hands of men, mostly in Muslim countries which are supposed to show the world how Islam is supposed to be practised. Another down side of this is that a lot of sisters are not getting married just seeing married Muslim women going through so much and ending up alone. So, I think it is responsibility of us Muslim brothers to treat our women nicely being a brother, son, father, most importantly as a husband, remembering that this is just a test as far as we are alive, which non of us is sure to breath next minute. We always have to make sacrifices no matter what as we all agree that there is nothing as Mr Perfect or Miss Perfect but we can make our life a lot easier by letting go some of those silly characteristic, features we are looking for in our spouse and should accept them the way they are if they follow deen and we find them physically attractive (doesn't mean perfect height, figure, looks, or career). After marriage we should aim on improving ourselves so that not only us (husband or wife) can make to Jannah but we wake up smiling with our other half in Jannah. (Amin). May Allah SWT show us the right path and help us understanding our real purpose in this worldly life. (Amin) Wasalm:)-

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By: Sammer Z.

Sammer Z. — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 14:22:10 +0000

I'm glad this clarified the first one. It does apply to both, but being a girl, I see more of them sitting in wait for our shining knight on a white horse. Even if its emotionally, like you said, we need to enjoy the moment. Our time with the people in our lives now may be very short and if we live those in perpetual anticipation of someone else, we're not going to have fulfilling relationships with them. Maybe there needs to be another article, " Between Angelina Jolie, Halle Berry and Wonder Woman...." haha.

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By: Sammer Z.

Sammer Z. — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 14:17:50 +0000

Asif, mashaAllah that's the road we want to go on, but how do we get there. Do we really need more articles? more essays? Sometimes I feel like we are always reading about marriage and relationships. How can we transform this information into much needed action?

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By: Sammer Z.

Sammer Z. — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 14:15:06 +0000

SubhanAllah, that du'a is really something. We tend to get caught up in, well don't i deserve the ...x,y,z. Don't get me wrong, we shouldn't put up with violence, or abuse but when it comes to the biggest house, the nicest car we may think we need and even deserve that; and if we don't get it, its unjust. So yes, may He protect me from my ego and its false directions, ameen.

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By: Broken Mystic

Broken Mystic — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 18:30:31 +0000

After reading this, I think I understand your other post (“Of Taxis and Husbands”) much better now. I really liked this post and I think its message applies to Muslim men too.

I totally agree with you that we shouldn’t rely on someone else to give us happiness. We have to live in the moment instead of telling ourselves that we will only experience true happiness when we’re married. Although I’ve never been married, I acknowledge that it’s a completely different lifestyle and, as you mentioned, a huge life decision. Rather than wait around, we should be embracing the present and focus on discovering happiness within ourselves.

On a spiritual note, Allah tells us that we have a purpose in this world. We need to establish contact with that purpose because it is a portion of the world created especially for us. We must walk on the open road and be steadfast on fulfilling what we’re meant to do. As we pursue our ambitions, dreams, and purpose, we’re bound to find someone who is walking towards us from the opposite side of the road. This person is our Mirror, our Twin Half, our Soul Mate. When the time is right, Allah will reunite the Soul Mates. Until then, our focus should be on the open road.

Too much of anything is bad; if we’re too spiritual, we won’t be contributing anything to humanity since we’ll be isolating ourselves from the physical world. If we’re too worldly, then we’ll truly be dead since we’ll be too caught up in worldly affairs, deadlines, demanding tasks, etc. We won’t have much knowledge about who we worship, who we are, or where we are going. This is why it’s so important to establish a balance. To live for Allah subsequently means being a good human being. And a good human being helps his/her community and contributes good works to humanity.

I know there are a number of Muslims who think things like Romance, Love, and Bliss are abstract ideas, but the truth of the matter is that Love is the very source of our existence! How many times does Allah mention Compassion, Forgiveness, and Mercy in the Qur’an? More times than we can count because numerous times He says He is “All-Forgiving” and has “Infinite Grace.” As the 13th century Islamic mystic and poet, Jalaluddin Rumi, once wrote: “Love is a flame that burns away all that is not Allah.” That is why I believe Faith in Allah is the key to a successful, healthy, and happy marriage. The sky, the ocean, the fields, the longings of the heart, the Soul Mate — all come from Him. If we just acknowledge and embrace this Divine Truth, then things like a blissful Romance are very possible! Just imagine two Lovers Loving one another and being ever-grateful to Allah. It is so possible, but we need to change what is within ourselves first (as the Qur’an says). We need to rid ourselves of doubts and transform them into Faith.

I often get labeled as an idealist and a “hopeless Romantic,” but I argue that this kind of Love is the way of the Prophets. It is the reason why the Universe exists. It is the reason why we Breathe and Pray. Love is to Give and to NEVER take or demand something in return; that is why we learn from the Prophets and Allah (peace be upon them all).

May we all find our Soul Mates, insha’Allah. May Allah guide us and bless our lives with Beauty, Happiness, and Ever-Lasting Love. Ameen.

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By: Asif

Asif — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 03:24:55 +0000

There needs to be a team effort to bring the deen back into marriage. The best way to tackle this is to promote education on the subject. Many of the comments/articles here are good but we need to make this a part of every community so that the ummah can divorce itself from dunya and marry into the deen, so to speak.

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By: UmmeAmmaarah

UmmeAmmaarah — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 05:14:46 +0000

Assalamu-alaykum sister, and i can't tell u just how much the example of Hazrat Asiya affected me. Jazaakallahu-khair.

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By: Busra

Busra — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 13:33:46 +0000

This is an awesome article!Rhetorically too. I simply call all of this "unrealistic perfection ideal" an "illness of modernism." The things we see (movies, photos...), we read, we listen, we hear they all come together and lead us to several misconceptions. In this age of information, we are flooded with all and every kind of information from all around without any control over it. These piece of informations keep coming whether or not we want them. At this point, I keep remembering "Ignorance is a bliss indeed." Once we are surrounded by these unconscious messages, we begin realizing the other alternatives --way of life, clothing,etc,etc-- and at some point, in particular when our connection to faith and Allah is weakened, we start fantasizing about perfect men, perfect lives, perfect houses and perfect everything and we forget that the real perfection is taking a shelter in faith. This way we can also avoid those unwanted messages and can prevent them from effecting us. As a young muslim woman I am in trouble too. I am not looking for the perfect man or something but I become dissatisfied with what I already have due to generosity of Allah; start having illusions that I should have that other kind of life which I have observed through a constant flow of information. Except the few exceptions around, we sure do want to have a companion whom we can share life with. But the trick is we should reconsider our definition of a good marriage, spouse, life and etc., our expectations, our "must list" and ideals because what we think is best or necesarry can be -- at least some of them will definetely be-- otherwise. We should stick to realities instead of fantasies, dreams and ideals forced upon us. As for my humble advice, at such moments we should all pray to Allah and say "Keep me safe form the disasters of my ego and its false directions." Busra from Turkey p.s: I am not a native speaker, so apologies in advance for the mistakes.

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By: Umm Adam

Umm Adam — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 00:23:18 +0000

Alia, you're right. If a beautiful woman marries an ugly man everyone will say, "gosh he's kind of ugly but there must be something great about him." But if a beautiful man marries an ugly lady, people will say, "what's wrong with him that he settled for such an ugly woman?" It just doesn't work the same the other way around..

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By: Alia S

Alia S — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 23:25:42 +0000

I think part of the reason single women are quick to state they don't care about 'looks' is because of their own insecurities. The truth is... deep down they're dreaming of some guy to come along who will propose to them based on their character and not their looks. I say: Let me hand you a candy bar while you wait.. Oh and don't forget the Beauty and the Beast advantage. If a beautiful yet insecure woman with self-esteem issues marries a man who has noticeable "faults" in his appearance, she feels like a princess next to him. If a beautiful woman marries an ugly man it not only makes her look 'good' it makes her look better. If a beautiful man marries an ugly woman it makes him look 'bad.' I'm not talking about making looks the basis of rejecting or accepting a proposal. However, to say that it isn't a priority is hardly true (in most cases). Let's stop denying it.

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