Of Taxis and Husbands
February 11, 2009 by Sammer Z
Filed under Relationships
Choosing and obtaining a taxi in Cairo is very similar to choosing and obtaining a husband.
Taxis are one of the best ways to get around in Cairo. During my stay, I rode in hundreds of cabs. There’s a lot to learn from those cab rides.
At the beginning of your journey, if you’ve started to look for one early on, you can be pickier about your taxi. However, if you’re a bit late and you’re in a hurry to get to your destination (ie. biological clock is ticking loudly) you don’t have the luxury of being so picky. This ranges from the vehicle, his age, his driving ability, his manners, the environment, the money, the location…whatever the case may be if you’re desperate…you’ll take anyone.
First of all, you have to let them know you’re available. Sometimes, if you’re by yourself and don’t look like you’re doing anything, they’ll stop of their own accord. If you have friends, they can do the signaling. However, don’t rely solely on either of these, as they might think you’re waiting for a bus or a friend. You can be a very subtle, simply with the motion of your hand. If for some reason, you’re having trouble getting his attention you may have to verbalize your need, shout “TAX!” Don’t feel shy. You need “TAX” and he has it.
As the taxi approaches and you check him out, you look for the make and model of the vehicle. Does it look like it won’t take you very far down the road? Will he need you to get out and push the taxi with him to get it started? Does it have a very bad, dusty, smelly, torn interior? This is checking him out for how well will he physically be able to provide you with the transportation (support) you need.
Is he very old? Is he wearing 2 inch thick frames; is he more nervous in the traffic than you are? This taxi driver may have passed his prime. He might be headed in a different direction than you are, and although you may try to redirect, he knows he’s older (read:wiser) and takes you the way he thinks is best. On the other hand, is the cabby too young? Does his head barely reach over the steering wheel? Does his voice crack when responding to your salaams? Do you have more facial hair than he does? If yes, this guy may be illegal to drive in most countries. He’s too fast, doesn’t know where he is going, and is willing to put your life in danger as he crosses the busiest intercessions, dodging trucks and buses by the hair of his chinny chin chin.
You need someone who isn’t too old, but has matured into someone who has understanding. He should drive as though he is ready to take on any aggressive drivers, but cautious enough to not put your life in danger. This is important because he is (temporarily) guarding you against the other taxis, BMW’s, trucks, and donkey carts that also think they own the road.
Before we move on to the deeper aspects of this relationship, there is one more superficial thing to be dealt with. The money, the moola, the dough, the nookood, the flooz, whatever you call it: how many ginnay can he get out of you? and how many are you willing to part with. Always start low, and he’ll probably double the price as his response. Counteract with something in the middle, unless you KNOW its too much. Move on to the next guy who doesn’t want to play you for a fool. Mind you, this is before anything actually happens, before you go anywhere. Once you get in his car…you play by his rules.
Back to the money, unless you’re desperate, as long as you know the proper rate, keep trying until someone with sense and dignity comes along. Someone who is not trying to cheat you out of your money because you happen to pronounce your JEEM’s and QAF’s properly!
Now to the deeper aspects of this fleeting relationship: what are his manners like?
Does he respect you as a Muslimah by responding to your salaams?
Does he open the door for you?
Does he turn down the Arabic music that is blasting? or better yet, does he already have some Qur’an playing?
Does he eyeball you in his rearview mirror? or does he keep his eyes on the road?
Does he know his way around, or does he have to ask many many many different people for directions?
If you ask him about the area, is he able to give helpful information in a polite way?
Does he ask too much personal information, other than the normal “why are you here?” like, “are you married” ,”do you have any kids?” etc.
Does he burn out his cigarrette for you? or better yet, he doesn’t smoke!
Okay, I know some of these things you don’t see until after you’ve gone for a short drive with him, but hey if he passes on all counts, maybe he’ll be your on-call driver.
Other similarities between Taxis and Husbands:
Sometimes you flag him down, but he’s already taken.
Sometimes you flag him down from far away, but as he gets closer you see that you shouldn’t have.
After you’ve gotten in the taxi, other people may try to get a ride from him as well. He has the ability, and needs the money. Even though you’re sitting in the backseat thinking, “Can’t you just take me where I want to go? Why do you have to look for someone else to take somewhere else? I’m not enough?”, it’s his right to have other passengers as long as they’re headed in the same general direction. He doesn’t really care about consulting you, and you’ve just met him so you’re not going to make a fuss. Seeing it from other “passenger’s” perspective: she needs a ride too, and one day, it could be (and probably will be) you waiting for a taxi after waiting for so long; if you’re tired and running late, you may see an elderly man in a beat-up old taxi, with another woman in the backseat, asking for too much money and you’ll take him.
Photo courtesy: www.freefoto.com
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I trully enjoyed reading this! It’s funny esp about the head reaching the steering wheel and facial hair! I never thought husbands could have any similarity with taxis.You’re definitely thinking outside the box.Btw,taxis here do not take other passengers when they’ve already got one.Hahahah,I’m saved!:D
When there are big events here and not enough taxis, taxi cab drivers will pick up more than one if the passenger already within the cab agrees. ; )
Thats not true. The driver does not really have to ask his passengers as long as he is keeping the greater good of the community in mind. The passengers might have to sit tightly and may be a bit uncomfortable but they are assured that he is not allowed by law to pick up more than 4 passengers. Passengers in return will have the advantage of paying less because the fare will be split between them evenly.
Does he eyeball you in his rearview mirror? As a cautious driver he has to look in the rear mirror in order to safely change lanes and not get himself into an accident.
lol good one Amin.
However, according to law the passenger is allowed to put a no-2nd passenger clause in the contract.
True, but a business minded/career oriented passenger will not put that clause in the contract. This type of passenger knows her goals and will tolerate some hardships inorder to achieve them. After all the ride is only for a while and once the destination is reached she will see the fruits of her forbearnace i.e save money, make friends with fellow passengers and have someone to talk to when the cab driver is outside filling the gas tank or busy changing tires. lol
But they don’t have to if they don’t want to. If the taxi cab driver were to try to force someone on the passenger (they can’t by law here or they get in trouble), the first passenger has the right to leave the cab and find someone else to take them to their destination.
Its right that they don’t have to if they don’t want to, but with the current economic crisis, It will be only wise for the passengers to share the cost of the ride. If the first passenger allows others into the cab that would only mean she has concern for those people who cant afford to pay the full fare. What if there is a woman out there who is standing in the rain/cold with her toddler (widowed or divorced) and she needs a ride to her destination? Not all the taxi drivers will stop for her, because they have to go through that extra effort of going out the car and helping her with car seat and seat belts (Providing support not only for her but also her kids).So if the cab drivers stops and offers help, I don’t think he should be blamed for that. If the first passengers walks away that only shows she is not appreciative of the cabie’s good actions. The same scenario applies to the case of elderly ( women who remain unmarried because they are a bit old) and those who are discriminated in the society because of their skin color, race and background. I cant talk implicitly anymore; cant relate everything to a cab driver lol.
Amin, I think that’s very, very true, and I think it’s been true for quite some time (in some areas and amongst some groups more than others) for a long time before this current crisis hit. Sometimes, there are only so many taxi cabs around, and a lot of them are full; and it’s not easy to travel on foot. There’s a huge social stigma/complex about this in our communities though, both in terms of attitudes toward the cab drivers and toward the riders who don’t get in first (even if they did everything the right way with the knowledge and consent of all parties involved). So that’s a major issue. [Wow, it is hard to keep up the metaphor!]
@ Saima: Unfortunately, most passengers don’t get read their rights until there’s been an accident…
MashaAllah, didn’t think the discussion would turn in this direction… =) At first I would cringe when someone tried to wave down my cab, I wanted to go straight to my destination, no stops in between. Then when the tables were turned and I was running late or in a hurry, I wished ANY cab, I’d ask up to 6 or 7 empty cabs and they wouldn’t take me. So I got desperate and would even ask the ones with another passenger. It made me realize I shouldn’t cringe…if its happening to someone else today, it may happen to me tomorrow.
Haha@ Amin, you made a good point and you’re right; the taxi analogy only goes so far. =)
Sammer was your comment about cabs or was it a continuation of the cab metaphor? I’m so confused now
Definitely about cabs. I’m trying to see it the same way in marriage, but I think I will just share my cabbies for now
“If the first passengers walks away that only shows she is not appreciative of the cabie’s good actions.”
Why always assume the 1st passenger’s intentions in a bad light? It’s her right.Why always assume the cabby’s effort as the most righteous thing to do? Do other passengers have to endure being uncomfortable,crowded atmosphere in order to be shown in a good light?
Afterall cab drivers now do not necessarily have to be male!
@Zammer
I don’t think I will share a cab with other passengers simply because they’re strangers.If I’m in a hurry.I’ll probably book a calltaxi.It’s better to be safe than to be sorry.
@ lat – Book a calltaxi? I’m so lost :/
Masha Allah. It’s nice to see so much tolerance (and concern) for taxi drivers. Why then is it so tough to find good passenger(s)?
Cleverly written post, I enjoyed reading it
A couple of questions though:
Don’t all Muslim women have different preferences when it comes to finding a husband? Actually, I know the answer is “yes,” but I’m just asking this because in your post, you seem to be presenting a specific type of man/husband. For example, if a man doesn’t have facial hair, maybe he likes being clean shaven. Maybe he doesn’t want to grow a beard. There shouldn’t be a problem with that, right? A clean shaven man doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t know where he’s going, or isn’t mature enough.
Also, I’m not sure if I understand this part: “Does he know his way around, or does he have to ask many many many different people for directions?” I guess this implies that Muslim women are looking for a man who knows his way around in the world and knows how the world functions. Ok, but what if he doesn’t? What if he hasn’t reached the point of knowing how everything works in the world, but is at least striving to get there? Does that outweigh other characteristics he may have, such as being educated, Truly Loving you, and being a devout Muslim?
I’m not being argumentative, I’m just expressing my concern because, as a single Muslim male, I think it’s so important for us to reevaluate some of our expectations. Some of us may get so caught in our ideals for a marriage that we’re willing to pull out despite how Beautiful everything was.
I understand what “anonymous br” is evoking. The most special and beautiful person could get in the taxi with you, and you could have the greatest time of your life just driving, exploring, and sharing so many experiences together, but then one day, there is a minor mismatch (like difference in culture and not having an established place in the world yet) and the passenger gets out of the cab, leaving you alone and devastated. Then you give it up, drive around and don’t pick anyone up because you’re afraid of being hurt again.
I know. I’ve been there.
Salaam alaikum and thank you for your truly thoughtful post. As for being argumentative or bringing up other points of view, they are most welcome here. =)
I did write the article combining my own perception of what a woman may want and my experiences in cabs. The clean-shaven bit I had written was more about age than religiousity. I’ve come to realize that beard and religiousness are not as closely related as some people would like to think. Clean-shaven I was think of a boy, not yet man…15-16…some taxi drivers are and to continue the analogy, there are boys ready to jump into the excitement and fun of marriage without being mature enough to handle the responsibilities. Not merely financial, but the commitment and the support that one has to provide one another.
Your other point, about asking for directions. There’s something I didn’t think about. At least he is seeking and exploring the options. SubhanAllah, what a great way to look at it. I came from the perspective of roaming around with a driver that said he knew exactly where I wanted to go and took over 3 times the time to get there, and asked nearly every person he saw before making another turn, which is alot when you are in an overpopulated city like Cairo. I think even with a life partner, although I wouldn’t mind someone who is willing to ask for guidance and directions, I’d like a certain confidence and surety…of all the things women want that change from one to another…stability is definitely one that is common ground. Whether that be financial, or emotional, or spiritual…to each their own definition of stability, its something we seek.
I’d hope that if the passenger enjoyed the ride and the driver so much, she could overlook minor mismatches and realize she may have flaws he overlooked to take her on as a passenger. However, even if she’s left, there may be another passenger to enjoy the rest of the journey with rather than be alone the rest of the way.
I’m glad to get a man’s perspective.
Wa alaykoum salaam,
I understand what you mean about the clean-shaven bit now. Indeed, there are younger Muslim males (as well as females) who rush into marriage without really understanding the commitments and adjustments that go along with it.
And thanks for clarifying about the directions part. I believe everyone has preferences about what they’re looking for in a significant other, and it’s easy to generate preferences especially when that person isn’t even in our lives. When we *do* meet someone who has potential, we may find ourselves making compromises when it comes to certain preferences of ours. Like maybe the driver doesn’t know all the roads, but he keeps his cool, doesn’t panic, and is a fun person to chat with, lol
I don’t know, that’s just an example! But I agree with you about confidence and stability. Optimism is always a beautiful trait, especially the way the world is today.
Love comes unexpectedly and everyone has a different Love story, sobhan’Allah. The driver will overcome his sorrow and find the right passenger, insha’Allah. The road is full of mysteries, and Allah is always revealing new blessings and discoveries
Asalaam u alaikum all and Sammer Z
A very clever post with amazing combination of depth and humor
It made me read each and every comment…
A cousin of mine recently had to share the taxi the driver wanted to take another passenger so he could have someone to take the driving seat after him … it was very new for me
And yes we need to consider the needs of other women and remind our self that the journey is a temporary one
JazaakAllah khayr for the article haven’t read the like of it before