Wings of Mercy, Part 1

By: Rahma J.

In the midst of studies and many more other things, a friend of mine brought up the topic of family relations and the preservation of the ties of kin. Subhana’Allah, this topic is one that concerns many of us, as none of us live in isolation but our surrounded but those who have rights upon us. Prior to sitting down and beginning to write about this particular topic, I personally had to sit down and actually really reflect; deeply reflect upon my own relations with close ones, as I know we all have room to perfect our relationships with our loved ones. When most think of relations and the ties of kinship, most think of parents and subhana’Allah in many verses of the Quran, when Allah azza wa jal talks of His oneness and worship, there are verses in which He follows it up with obedience/ihsaan to Parents, and that in essence shows the magnitude and the importance of adhering and implementing such a command.

Waith akhathna meethaqa banee israeela la taAAbudoona illa Allaha wabialwalidayni ihsanan wathee alqurba waalyatama waalmasakeeni waqooloo lilnnasi husnan waaqeemoo alssalata waatoo alzzakata thumma tawallaytum illa qaleelan minkum waantum muAAridoona

2:83 And remember We took a covenant from the Children of Israel (to this effect): Worship none but Allah. treat with kindness your parents and kindred, and orphans and those in need; speak fair to the people; be steadfast in prayer; and practise regular charity. Then did ye turn back, except a few among you, and ye backslide (even now).

• Wa Bi Wallidayni: and with the two parents, duel of the word waalid: waalid-one who gives birth, waaw laam daal. Waladah-to give birth, to have children. The two whose child a person is-mother and father.

• Ihsaanaa: utmost good: root: haa seen noon: husn-beauty. Ihsaan means to do something beautifully.
• Ihsaan is towards Allah and towards people as well. Worshiping Allah in a beautiful manner, and for the people is to do more than expected, do more than they deserve.
• Ihsaan is not something you give back-meaning you don’t expect something back for doing it.
• Also, it is when the other person treats you in a bad way, you still remain good to them-your dealing is with Allah and reward lies with Him. We know we have to be good to our parents, doing good to our parents doesn’t mean paying them back for their love and affection-it means being good to them and obey them all the time.
• It means doing good in different ways and thinking that you’ve never done enough, because the moment you start thinking you pay them back , you think you’ve done enough. (Refer to the story of the man who took his mother for Hajj, put her on his back, and thought he had done enough). Always do different things and in different ways for your parents.
• This means being good to them, being dutiful to them, being obedient to them, and even praying for their forgiveness. This also includes being good to those whom they love. Keeping company with them and with those they love and keeping relations with those whom they love.

How can you make your relationship with your parents a better one, and thus gain the love of Ar-Rahman?!

1.) Language of Love/ i.e communication: When I was a freshmen in college-still green, I remember taking this class on marriage and families-one of those awesome human development courses, and one of the topics we talked about was how you should learn the ways-language of communication that your partner has. In a lot of ways, looking back at this concept, this really rings true for parents. A lot of parents, especially from different countries show respect/love/and basically communicate emotion in totally different ways. All in all-express your feelings, physically, emotionally.

2.) Differentiate between ill feelings and just bad days: Again this goes back to knowing ones parents temperament and gauging when its to keep away and when to approach.

3.) Dua! In every salaah, make dua and hope that Allah enters both your parents into Jannah and for Allah to place and grow love between you. Along side with the dua which is the best gift of all-give material gifts as well, and bithniAllah this will go a long way in creating love and showing ones caring side.

4.) Respect their wishes: Ask yourself if Jannah is one side, and you wanting to stick strongly to an opinion about a certain topic is more important. I speak to myself before anything else-if anything you want to pursue in the dunya goes against the disobedience of your parents-and is not specifically related to Aqeedah issue, then know it’s not worth the fight. Harvest and sow your roots for Jannah today.

5.) Spend time with them: There is nothing more beloved to a parent then a child hanging with their parents-regardless if one is 30. Even if they don’t say it, trust me, parents dig it. If a friend asks you to go shopping or something along the lines and you know your mom is home alone, don’t be afraid to blow them off (politely) in saying that “dudette no, I am gonna go home and chill with my mom…because that is cool”.

About Rahma J: As a senior in her last year of middle childhood education,  she looks forward to being in cirlces of remembrance. When not in a classroom (teaching or being taught), she likes to have her head inside a book of some sort or immersed in the noble book of Allah . Overall, when not doing the above things, she can be found blogging.