In the midst of studies and many more other things, a friend of mine brought up the topic of family relations and the preservation of the ties of kin. Subhana’Allah, this topic is one that concerns many of us, as none of us live in isolation but our surrounded but those who have rights upon us. Prior to sitting down and beginning to write about this particular topic, I personally had to sit down and actually really reflect; deeply reflect upon my own relations with close ones, as I know we all have room to perfect our relationships with our loved ones. When most think of relations and the ties of kinship, most think of parents and subhana’Allah in many verses of the Quran, when Allah azza wa jal talks of His oneness and worship, there are verses in which He follows it up with obedience/ihsaan to Parents, and that in essence shows the magnitude and the importance of adhering and implementing such a command.

Waith akhathna meethaqa banee israeela la taAAbudoona illa Allaha wabialwalidayni ihsanan wathee alqurba waalyatama waalmasakeeni waqooloo lilnnasi husnan waaqeemoo alssalata waatoo alzzakata thumma tawallaytum illa qaleelan minkum waantum muAAridoona

2:83 And remember We took a covenant from the Children of Israel (to this effect): Worship none but Allah. treat with kindness your parents and kindred, and orphans and those in need; speak fair to the people; be steadfast in prayer; and practise regular charity. Then did ye turn back, except a few among you, and ye backslide (even now).

• Wa Bi Wallidayni: and with the two parents, duel of the word waalid: waalid-one who gives birth, waaw laam daal. Waladah-to give birth, to have children. The two whose child a person is-mother and father.

• Ihsaanaa: utmost good: root: haa seen noon: husn-beauty. Ihsaan means to do something beautifully.
• Ihsaan is towards Allah and towards people as well. Worshiping Allah in a beautiful manner, and for the people is to do more than expected, do more than they deserve.
• Ihsaan is not something you give back-meaning you don’t expect something back for doing it.
• Also, it is when the other person treats you in a bad way, you still remain good to them-your dealing is with Allah and reward lies with Him. We know we have to be good to our parents, doing good to our parents doesn’t mean paying them back for their love and affection-it means being good to them and obey them all the time.
• It means doing good in different ways and thinking that you’ve never done enough, because the moment you start thinking you pay them back , you think you’ve done enough. (Refer to the story of the man who took his mother for Hajj, put her on his back, and thought he had done enough). Always do different things and in different ways for your parents.
• This means being good to them, being dutiful to them, being obedient to them, and even praying for their forgiveness. This also includes being good to those whom they love. Keeping company with them and with those they love and keeping relations with those whom they love.

How can you make your relationship with your parents a better one, and thus gain the love of Ar-Rahman?!

1.) Language of Love/ i.e communication: When I was a freshmen in college-still green, I remember taking this class on marriage and families-one of those awesome human development courses, and one of the topics we talked about was how you should learn the ways-language of communication that your partner has. In a lot of ways, looking back at this concept, this really rings true for parents. A lot of parents, especially from different countries show respect/love/and basically communicate emotion in totally different ways. All in all-express your feelings, physically, emotionally.

2.) Differentiate between ill feelings and just bad days: Again this goes back to knowing ones parents temperament and gauging when its to keep away and when to approach.

3.) Dua! In every salaah, make dua and hope that Allah enters both your parents into Jannah and for Allah to place and grow love between you. Along side with the dua which is the best gift of all-give material gifts as well, and bithniAllah this will go a long way in creating love and showing ones caring side.

4.) Respect their wishes: Ask yourself if Jannah is one side, and you wanting to stick strongly to an opinion about a certain topic is more important. I speak to myself before anything else-if anything you want to pursue in the dunya goes against the disobedience of your parents-and is not specifically related to Aqeedah issue, then know it’s not worth the fight. Harvest and sow your roots for Jannah today.

5.) Spend time with them: There is nothing more beloved to a parent then a child hanging with their parents-regardless if one is 30. Even if they don’t say it, trust me, parents dig it. If a friend asks you to go shopping or something along the lines and you know your mom is home alone, don’t be afraid to blow them off (politely) in saying that “dudette no, I am gonna go home and chill with my mom…because that is cool”.

About Rahma J: As a senior in her last year of middle childhood education,  she looks forward to being in cirlces of remembrance. When not in a classroom (teaching or being taught), she likes to have her head inside a book of some sort or immersed in the noble book of Allah . Overall, when not doing the above things, she can be found blogging.

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In all honesty, this hot topic debate does not look like one that will cease to exist in the near future. The issue of Niqab has gone beyond differences of opinion amongst the Muslim scholars but has now turned to the differences of opinion of the wider world. One question we need to ask ourselves is, whether the common people, or laymen agree with the wearing of Niqab being a given right to the Muslim woman or whether it’s an obstacle to all.

No government should be in a position to legislate what women should and should not dress, especially one that likes to pry into the wardrobes of women. One thing we should expect from western nations is to uphold their democratic values and promoting freedom.

By N. Adan

Why are you shocked at my reaction? How else am I supposed to think and react when you set out to look for a life partner, only to act in a way that is beyond understanding? You don’t get it yet, do you? Let me break it down for you. First off, I am told you are looking for someone “short, fair and beautiful”. Wow, what a way to go! Would you like to order anything else on the side? Hmm, maybe morals and a loving heart? No? Too tricky… well then, your order should be ready in a while – minus the flavorings and peace that you seek in marriage, sir!

I think someone in your family forgot to tell you what marriage really is about. Sure, everyone wants their spouse to be pleasing to the sense of sight but is that all there is to it? Did you think to ask if I care for the One Who made me? How did you decide my physical beauty was proof enough for a shining character, a tender heart? Does the fairness of my skin guarantee you’ll find comfort with me when you are down in the dumps? Am I merely a “trophy wife”, meant to appease your social circle? Am I that enchanting accessory you’ll take along to social events, to show off the success of your matrimonial hunt?

Don’t think I am writing this because I am among the group of girls you classify as “not beautiful” (let’s leave out the word ‘ugly‘, shall we?). Even by your very own flawed definition of “beauty”, I’d probably be eligible but right now, it isn’t about me. It’s about you for the moment. Let’s talk beauty now, if we must, and let’s go by your definition. Tell me, are you as handsome, in degrees, as the beautiful bride you seek? Are you tall and fair with a perfect nose and blue eyes? Are you the athletic type? I’ll stop here because it disgusts me to continuously talk about beauty on so superficial a level.

However, my real aim in this monologue is something more worthwhile to be talking about. I don’t know if you’ll ever hear this from anyone else so I’ll help you out and let you know what you should be looking for in a girl. I intend not to preach to you but to show you what you are sorely missing out on. Marriage was never meant as a means to snag the prettiest lady on the market, at least not in our Deen. The Prophet(saw), who excelled in all aspects of his life, pointed it out for young eligible bachelors like yourself that the best lady you’ll ever have for a life-partner would be the pious one. That’s the girl who cares enough about her Rabb that she takes His Words as supreme and His Messenger(saw)’s life as her guide. And guess what? It’s your gain all the way. Let’s see how…

You take the lead:

She’s the one who will accept you as her Qawaam from day one. That’s right – she’ll see you as more than just a life-partner but as someone to look up to, to learn from, to work together with in raising your little family. If you ask her to do something that’s within the limits of the Shariah, she won’t scoff at it and call you a “male chauvinist”! For the girl who is knowledgeable about her duties as a wife in Islam, her husband takes the top-seat on the priority list (when it comes to giving rights) and not her own relatives, friends or coworkers.

Your joy is her joy:

You read that right. A life partner who is keen to please Allah(swt) knows her joys lie in the peace and comfort she can provide to you. Do you think she’s going to be happy when you’re upset or troubled by something? No way – she’s going to do whatever she can to make your life comfortable. When you come home from work, exhausted, she won’t rush to you with all her problems but meet you with a smile, hiding her own issues back for later, when you‘ve rested. Sure, she’s not a robot and has her own likes and dislikes too but many a time, she’ll lovingly forego what she wants, seeking your happiness and through that, Allah(swt)’s Pleasure.

You’re the man… the *only* man:

A pious lady who obeys the command of Allah(swt) to restrain her gaze (that applies to men too, by the way) won’t let her sight drift towards other men she comes across. The moment she gives her consent in the Nikah, there’s no other person for her but you. Yes, that’s how (most) girls are, practicing Muslim girls more so – the idea of ever marrying someone else is something abhorrent to them if their husband is a decent and caring guy (even by very average standards). In fact, you won’t find the righteous wife drooling over male celebrities either, as is so common today!

So that means, when you overhear your coworker voice a suspicion that his wife is involved in an affair with someone, you would know for sure – as if it was engraved in stone – that your wife would never do that, if she really is conscious of Allah(swt). If you don’t know how much peace that brings to the husband, to know his household is built on stable foundations, ask those who’ve grown up in broken homes or someone whose spouse deserted them for another.

You win, most times!

One piece of advice wise mothers and female relatives give the young girl on her marriage is to avoid pointless arguments and disputes with her husband as much as she can. In case of the believing Muslim woman, who knows the high merit of forgiveness and tolerance, this achieves greater heights. Even when you storm off in anger over something that displeased you, she’ll conceal her hurt and meet you with a smile the next day.

You did something that was obviously wrong and she knew she was right, yet she’ll make the move to compromise with you, if not brushing off the matter altogether. Yes, husbands make compromises too but the focus is on the pious wife and how she views her relationship, the ups and the downs, with you and how she chooses to react.

You are not alone:

It’s not only when you’re happy and carefree that your righteous wife would meet your needs. Have you ever thought about those moments in life where everything seems bleak? Nothing seems to work out, all plans and ideas fail in succession. Some people suffer terrible blows to their self-esteem and confidence when they suddenly lose their job. Or imagine the pain that the passing away of a near relative causes. Who will comfort you and hold you up in those dark moments better than your closest companion in life, the woman who knows it is her duty to Allah(swt) to support you?

Your pain is her pain. Your joy, your peace and your success is what gives real joy to the pious woman. She doesn’t bundle up the kids in the car and drive off to her parents’ home when difficult times strike you. She digs in her heels and refuses to leave you at the mercy of your troubles. Forget the bigger issues, she’ll be careful if you have so much as a slight headache. Knowing the Prophet(saw)’s Hadith about the woman whose husband would be so pleased with her that she will enter Jannah because of it, she’ll grab every opportunity to qualify for that prize.

Your secrets are safe with her:

If you feel I have been too idealistic so far, I’ll shift on to something that’s a real and accepted part of every relationship: disagreements. Two people who care for each other are, nevertheless, not immune to disputes. However, while your friend’s wife raises a racket and makes it known to the world how she was wronged by him and how terrible a person he is, your wife’s reaction will be totally opposite to that. You’ll have a fallout with her and she won’t even tell her parents, let alone any one else, what went on. She might huff and puff, let out the anger before her Rabb during her prayer but, with common everyday disagreements that are a part of life, it won’t leave the four walls of your home.

That means your reputation, your respect in the eyes of people around you will not suffer at the hands of your wife. In fact, it’s more likely that she’ll cover up for your faults as best as she can, knowing that no human being is perfect. She will recall the examples from the pious people before her, how they managed their relationships, even when one of the spouses had issues with the other.

Your family is cared for:

Even though it isn’t her duty, a Muslimah who’s wise and understands the delicate inter-relationships after marriage will not only take care of you but also take care of those important to you. From in-laws to distant relations, her aim would be to keep things comfortable and pleasant for everyone so that, at the end of the day, it is you (yeah, read that again, please!) who will find peace of mind in the healthy environment around you.

Sure, it won’t always be all happy and dandy because that’s how human beings are but unnecessary arguments, holding grudges for year upon year… that’s not what the Allah-conscious woman would ever do. The pious woman who’s read the Ahadith about the rewards in store for the one who mends ties and does Ihsan will try to make sure she grabs those opportunities to keep warm family ties, even with people who’re not easy to get along with.

You have a helping hand:

The best example I have for this is Fatimah(ra), the Prophet(saw)’s daughter. When her husband Ali (ra) could not afford to have a servant, she did not make a big fuss over it. Instead, she rolled up her sleeves and did all that was required to do, all by herself. She would toil at her own expense, shared his burden and tried to run the household as best as she could, within her means.

Today, with the global recession tightening its grip on households where the husband is the sole breadwinner, the value of a helping hand from the wife is appreciable. She isn’t required to work but if she does so, for the sake of her family in tough financial conditions, it is a major act on her part – and she would do whatever her situation allowed her, in pursuit of Allah(swt)’s Pleasure.

After putting all this down in words, I feel even more sad for you. You’re setting out to marry a girl with her superficial aspects being your basic priority while what will really benefit you is much deeper. You are willing to settle for only part of the joys that marriage brings while being at real risk of losing out on the more lasting share. This is because superficial beauty will fade with time but the love that builds on sincerity, caring and forgiving one another will only strengthen as the years go by. Over all, the wife who is sensible and knows her job description given by Allah(swt) will manage herself, her children and her household in the best way possible, ultimately bringing peace and tranquility to the two of you and those around you. If that isn’t what marriage is about, I don’t know what is!

As for the irritation I felt and expressed, do not think it is because I am worried about staying single or that your failed proposal makes me concerned about the future. What is written for each one of us, will surely come our way and we can neither hasten it, nor delay it. My hopes are in Allah(swt) Who defined my future role for me. As for me, I’ll take on that role for the person who seeks such a spouse in the first place. It is for the one seeking a pious partner that I would feel any respect and love – the foundation for a lasting relationship. What I really feel sorry for is that you, and so many others like you, are robbing yourselves of the greatest joy in life…

The Prophet(saw) said, “The whole world is a provision and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.”

Elementary schools are next. In East London to celebrate Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgenders History Month, primary school students watched a special adaptation of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet renamed Romeo and Julian. Stories covered in the lessons at George Tomlinson School included a fairytale about a prince who turns down three princesses before falling in love with one of their brothers and the tale of Roy and Silo – two male penguins who fall in love.

We as parents cannot remain passive about this. Even if you are not a parent and especially if you are a youth group leader, you need to make parents in your life aware of this issue. Many parents are not aware of this movement or think will not affect their child. This lax attitude leads to us holding our heads when it is too late. I’ll tell you how it personally affected me. I attended an all-women liberal arts college in Wellesley, Massachusetts. During our first year orientation, we gathered in the common room where mats were laid out of us. A senior asked us to lie down on the mat and close our eyes. Scared to death, at 17 fresh of the plane from Lahore, Pakistan, I had no clue what they expected from us. It wasn’t anything promiscuous, God forbid. They just asked us to close our eyes and imagine a world where daddies were only married to daddies and mommies were married to mommies and if I was a little girl in that world, who liked the little boy across the street but I couldn’t because mommies could only marry mommies. Very innocent, the words.

Those words stuck with me, I still remember them after 17 years. Once you have the vocabulary to talk with children about homosexuality, it becomes very easy says Dr. Justin Richardson, a Harvard-educated psychiatrist and director of Columbia University’s Center for Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Mental Health. Richardson says educators need to aid the pre-homosexual child with a supportive school environment, paving the way for his later coming out. He claims that a child’s sexual orientation is determined very early in life around four years of age, so why not prepare the pre-homosexual child for the inevitable. This was him speaking 10 years ago at a teachers conference. This agenda is at work in our public school system. Unless Allah (SWT) sends His help or some azaab (Aa’oodubillah), this fitnah is very real.

In my orientation, I also heard a young, black woman talk about her life as a poor, black, gay teenager. I met many intelligent women who were kind and gentle and gay. I remember being admonished by the several housemates for thinking that homosexuality was a mental abnormality akin to physical abnormalities. I was figuratively ‘hypnotised’ into believing that it was natural for 10% of the human race to be homosexual and they couldn’t control themselves. That December when I went to visit my parents over winter break, my sister snapped me out of my brainwashed state. She said ‘Apa! Listen to yourself.’

In psychology, the study of brainwashing, often referred to as thought reform, falls into the sphere of “social influence.” According to Julia Layton, author of How brainwashing works, “social influence happens every minute of every day. It’s the collection of ways in which people can change other people’s attitudes, beliefs and behaviors. For instance, the compliance method aims to produce a change in a person’s behavior and is not concerned with his attitudes or beliefs. It’s the “Just do it” approach. Persuasion, on the other hand, aims for a change in attitude, or “Do it because it’ll make you feel accepted/good/happy/healthy/successful.” The education method (which is called the “propaganda method” when you don’t believe in what’s being taught) goes for the social-influence gold, trying to affect a change in the person’s beliefs, along the lines of “Do it because you know it’s the right thing to do.” Brainwashing is a severe form of social influence that combine­s all of these approaches to cause changes in someone’s way of thinking without that person’s consent and often against his will.”

I was 17; away from home but brimming with the confidence that children raised in a Muslim country exude. Now imagine your middle schooler or your teen. Her politically correct classmates surround her; she doesn’t know what to say when her honor society buddy starts exhibiting ‘homosexual’ traits. Imagine being a student whose religion teaches her that homosexuality is a sin being in that environment. Being judged by their peers because they did not remain silent in support. If you disagree with homosexuality you are called a bigot or a homophobe. Your teachers and mentors who instruct you from 8 in the morn to 3 in the afternoon, framing their lessons around Day of Silence. The adolescent culture is liberal, and adolescents desire to fit in. The vast majority of conservative teens does not feel comfortable vocally opposing their culture and will not do so. We as adults, often don’t have the guts to speak up against homosexuality, let alone teenagers.

Alan Chambersis, a gay man who overcame unwanted homosexuality and started a family and author of Leaving Homosexuality says:“The Day of Silence leads to a slanted discussion about homosexuality. … because students are being bombarded from every side on the issue of homosexuality …seemingly the only voices that are allowed or respected in the public school system are those from a pro-gay side. It’s important for everyone to have a voice on this issue and for every opinion to be expressed. If one side is going to be expressed, then the other should be as well.”

As a Muslim, I sympathize with others who suffer discrimination but agree with following stance.“Day of Silence participants claim they seek to end discrimination. There is, however, a problem with the way “discrimination” is defined in public discourse today. Groups like GLSEN believe that statements of moral conviction with which they disagree constitute prejudice or discrimination. While relentlessly promoting this view, administrators are never asked to provide evidence for the dubious presuppositions on which claims of discrimination are based. They are never asked to provide evidence for the arguable claim that homosexuality is equivalent to race; or that disapproval of homosexual conduct is equivalent to racism; or that homosexual impulses are biologically determined; or that the presence of biological influences in shaping desire renders a behavior automatically moral. The time is long past that parents demand justification for those claims.

If we allow schools to define discrimination so expansively as to prohibit all statements of moral conviction, character development is compromised and speech rights are trampled. And if administrators continue to define discrimination in such a way as to preclude only some statements of moral conviction, they violate their pedagogical commitment to intellectual diversity and render the classroom a place of indoctrination.”

Think of your 15-year-old cousin, who can’t have girlfriend because it is against our deen, is teased at school, called a pansy and wonders whether he is. We need to talk about this, tell them that Allah loves them and if they are having these feelings then they need roohani-spiritual help. Not shun them and turn them over to the wolves, force them out of the folds of Islam.

Some people worry that them taking a stance will adversely affect their children’s grades- What kind of Muslims are we raising? ‘cowardly conformists’ or those who follow the footsteps of the Sahabah. We need to teach them to stand up for their beliefs even if they have to sacrifice something. If the teacher does punish them in some way, this is unethical and the parents should take it to the school administration.

“O you who believe. Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the commands they receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded.” [Quran At-Tahrim 66:6]

Most of the following material is from a website sponsored by Pro-Family groups calling for national support for Day of Silence Walkout. (www.doswalkout.net) Unfortunately Muslim organizations, media groups and masjids have shied away from supporting this cause. So spread the word on your masjid lists, Muslim websites etc.

Parents must actively oppose this hijacking of the classroom for political purposes. You can help de-politicize the learning environment, which is paid by taxpayers money, by calling your child out of school if your child’s school allows students to remain silent during instructional time on the Day of Silence.

If students will be permitted to remain silent, parents can express their opposition most effectively by calling their children out of school on the Day of Silence and sending letters of explanation to their administrators, their children’s teachers, and all school board members. One reason this is effective is that most school districts lose money for each student absence.

School administrators err when they allow the classroom to be disrupted and politicized by granting students permission to remain silent throughout an entire day.

Day of Silence – What Should Parents Do?

1. Call your local schools and ask whether they permit students or teachers to remain silent in the classroom on “Day of Silence.” IMPORTANT: Do not ask any administrator, school board member, or teacher if the school sponsors, endorses, or supports DOS. Schools do not technically sponsor the Day of Silence. Technically, it is students, often students in the gay-straight alliance, who sponsor it. Many administrators will tell you that they do not sponsor the DOS when, in fact, they do permit students and sometimes even teachers to remain silent during instructional time. Also ask administrators whether they permit teachers to create lesson plans to accommodate student silence.

2. Find out what date the event is planned for your school. (The national date in 2010 is April 16, but some schools observe DOS on a different date).

3. Inform the school of your intention to keep your children home on that date and explain why. Download the sample letter from www.lordsfavors.wordpress.com or from www.doswalkout.net

4. Explain to your children why you’re taking a stand:
a. Homosexual behavior is not an innate identity.
b. No matter what factors may influence homosexual feelings, freely chosen homosexual behavior is immoral and should be resisted.
c. Homosexuality is not equivalent to race.
d. Disapproval of homosexuality is not equivalent to racism; nor is it hatred; nor is it bullying; nor does it constitute an incitement to violence. It is permissible and ethical to express disapproval of homosexuality. Just because someone may feel bad when hearing that someone disapproves of homosexuality does not mean that disapproval is cruel or wrong.
e. No school should support a view of homosexuality that is unproven and controversial, and that is physically, emotionally, and spiritually destructive to individuals and society.
f. No school should allow instructional time to be politicized.

By Hena Zuberi Siddiqui

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Most of us have done it. We do it when we want revenge. Or to make people laugh. We do it out of peer pressure. Or to make ourselves feel better. Without even realizing it, many of us backbite – we take out our fangs and plunge the serrated edges deep into the flesh of evil.

As Islam teaches, backbiting is wrong and a major sin. Backbiting, or gheebah in Arabic, is when a person talks about someone in a way that he or she would not like to hear about themselves.

The Qur’an states, “O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion; indeed some suspicions are sins.  And spy not, neither backbite one another.  Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother?  You would hate it (so hate backbiting)” (49:12).

This behavior can be seen plenty of times and when a Muslims partakes in it, it is a grave sin, and Allah (SWT) has illustrated how harrowing this sin is.

The Muslim Ummah needs to create unity and honor for one another instead of building corruption and chaos within the society. Words that cause fitnah, or problems, sever Muslim relations and bonds. One evil word escaping from someone’s inconsiderate tongue can cause a negative ripple effect among Muslims and unravel the strings of unity that holds our Ummah together.

Backbiting aside, slander is even more vicious. Slander is saying something about a person that is not true, whereas backbiting is saying something that is true but that they would dislike having made public.

Allah’s Messenger (saw) said, “Do you know what backbiting is?”  The companions said, “Allah and His Messenger (saw) know best.”

The Prophet answered, “It is to mention something about your brother that he dislikes.”  They said, “Even if what you said is truly found in your brother?”  He (saw) said, “If what you said is truly found in him, you have backbitten him.  If it is not truly found in him, then you have slandered him” (Muslim).

Muslims commit this sin often, and the comments come in all different forms. Backbiting can include comments on physical traits, lineage, clothes, work, manner, conducts. It’s basically anything the person would not like to hear and is being mentioned without their presence constitutes as backbiting.

There are exceptions that would not be considered gheebah. In Surah An Nisa (verse 148), Allah states, “Allah loveth not the shouting of evil words in public speech, except by one who has been wronged …”

This means that if a person has had an unjust situation done to him by another, the former has the right to complain to an authority that can assist in undoing the injustice.

Another exception is warning people of their evilness. On the authority of Fatimah bint Qays, she said, “I came to the Prophet (saw) and told him, “Abu Jahm and Mu`awiyah have (both) proposed to me.” He said, “As for Mu`awiyah, he is a poor man with no money, and as for Abu Jahm, his stick never leaves his shoulder,” (Bukhari, Muslim, Malik).  This is an example of mentioning things that would benefit the person to see if someone is compatible for them, and in this case, it was marriage.

There is a remedy for backbiting and slander.  If a Muslim wants to be forgiven, he or she can apologize to the abused if the abused is aware of the backbiting.

The Prophet (saw) said, “Whoever has wronged his brother, in the way of property or honor, let him go to him and repair it, before it is taken (from him on a day) when he has no dirhams or dinars, such that if he has any good deeds, some of the good deeds will be taken and given to (the wronged one), otherwise (if he has no good deeds), some of the other’s evil deeds will be taken and cast upon him,” (Bukhari, Ahmad).

And if the person was not aware that backbiting took place, we should still ask Allah to forgive us for having engaged in backbiting. “The expiation with regard to one who has been backbited is that forgiveness be asked for him,” (Suyuti, Al-Jami` As-Saghir).

May Allah (SWT) protect our tongues from causing harm and bless our tongues with words of kindness to our Muslim brothers and sisters.

Mariam Al-Kalby was an Islamic Studies teacher for four years in Orange County.

Moi, mi, ana, and well, me. The reigning attitude or motto that has permeated our way of thinking is all about the individual. I slaved through stacks of textbooks to get to UCLA, I have worked so much overtime interning at the law office to pay my tuition. I got this position as a director to pay for the house I bought; my Lexus is the money I earned by selling my shoe business.

Our life is saturated with “me” and we have forgotten that Allah (swt) is the One who has blessed us with our worldly fruits.

There is humility with Allah (swt): abstaining and condemning what is forbidden and promoting good. To do actions and behaving in order for Allah’s (swt) love to embrace us tighter. Then there is humility with the people around us: not being boastful, haughty, and arrogant.

The Prophet (saw) is the role model of what it is to be a humble person. How is it that we have forgotten this righteous path? We follow our Beloved with striving to complete the five pillars and yet we are unable to touch the North Star. We fall short of striving to inhale every smell of musk that emanates the air with the Prophet’s qualities.

It is well documented that the Prophet (saw) is held in great esteem for his superb traits and humility is just one of the many blooms from his garden.

It was narrated that al-Aswad said: “I asked ‘Aa’ishah what the Prophet (saw) used to do in his house, and she said”: “He used to serve his family and when the time for prayer came he would go out and pray” (Bukhari).

It is clear that it is permissible for a man to help with the household chores. The Prophet did not see himself as a superior in comparison to the rest of the people in the house. A Prophet, a man, a leader, the most perfect human being that has ever existed and yet the humility glows from his pious face.

With all of these titles, the Prophet is still gracious and humble enough to help and assist in things that needed to be completed within the family.

Another narration by Anas ibn Maalik said: “I never saw a man seeking the ear of the Prophet (saw) except that the Messenger of Allah would never turn his head from him, until the man turned his head first. Nor did I ever see a man take the hand of the Prophet (saw), except that the Messenger of Allah would never let his hand go until the man was the first to let the Prophet’s hand go” (Bukhari).

The Prophet (saw) is considered more than a king to us and yet his demeanor is quite the opposite of one. He lowers his wings and envelopes the believers in comfort and tranquility.

In this narration it is evident that Allah’s Messenger gave his sincere effort to assist any one who came his way; the Prophet was there for the Muslims until the believers felt they knew everything they needed to know and this hadeeth is a fact as well as a symbol that the Prophet (saw) did not let go until the believer was confident enough to do so.

Humility begins with accepting that Allah (swt) is the one who turns the earth on its axis, and that Allah (swt) is the Almighty controller and has given every strand of hair its strength with only His permission.

How dare we compete with Allah (swt) and think we are better than anybody? The Almighty is the ultimate Creator; therefore we should realize that nothing is more entitled to being so high but Allah (swt).

Allah (swt) does not like arrogance: “And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allah likes not each arrogant boaster” (31:18). Why should we be arrogant and compete with one of the ninety-nine attributes of the Almighty’s?

We are servants and servants are not stereotyped to be arrogant or boastful so it is hypocritical if we behave as one. All of the successes and wealth and glory of this dunya is possible because Allah has bestowed that power on us and He can turn all of this into dust if He wills it.

Allah’s Messenger stated: “Allah revealed to me that people should be humble with one another to the point that none boasts over another” (Muslim).

The Prophet (saw) himself said that Allah revealed this fact to the Ummah and it is an issue to be concerned with. Humility brings people together.

When believers start boasting and competing with one another, feelings get hurt, friendships crack, jealousy ensues, bonds crumble, and blackness seeps into the hearts of the believers. Because we are weak as humans, our spiritual piety shrivels and crawls towards the devil’s paradise of pride.

Humbleness is just one cherry blossom from the branches of Islamic etiquette, a golden sliver of the Muslim identity. We must bow our heads in humility like the way of the Prophet (saw) and pray Allah loves us as much as our Beloved.

Mariam Al-Kalby has a B.A. in English Education and Creative Writing

I’ve been a Hijabi for a couple of years now, Alhamdulillah. When I think back to my first attempts to take the head-cover in an environment where it was something just not done anymore, it was a time of great excitement for me. I was passionate about covering up and, looking at myself in the mirror; I’d feel an Iman-rush that I was doing it exclusively for Allah(swt), even if people didn’t approve.

Fastforward to the present where the Hijab has now become something so inherently part of me that I’ve almost begun to take it for granted. When the doorbell rings or when someone visits, I instinctively reach for my dupatta to drape it over myself before a Non-Mahram walks in. The Hijab extends to male cousins as well so I cover up in pretty much all family occassions like parties and weddings. Although my Hijab is basically about covering my head and wearing full-sleeved dresses, not a separate coat or abaya, it’s still pretty distinct because in public, I’m not without it (Alhamdulillah).

Even after all this time, when I’ve also gotten used to the Hjiab, there are occasions which bring some Hijab-specific thoughts to mind. Lately, it’s been about dressing up and beautifying myself. Many people automatically assume that if you’re a Hijabi in public, you’re always like that, even when you’re at home or, ridiculously enough, when you go to sleep at night! Someone asked my sister, also a Hijabi, “So are you like this even when you’re just with your sisters?”  Where do these ideas come from?

I’ve had such experiences of my own too. It’s as if Non-Mahrams, who’ve always seen me covered since I started the Hijab, and even many women think that once you start taking a head-cover, you just glue it on! It’s like the end of all your feminine desires to dress well, wear trendy clothes, style your hair, apply make up and so on. Maybe that’s part of the reason some girls are reluctant to take the Hijab – they see it as symbolizing the demise of their feminine side and forever living life like a nun!

How can that possibly be? The Hijab only magnifies the joy of dressing up and the purpose of beautifying yourself. Only a Hijabi can truly appreciate why Allah(swt) laid down the principle of revealing your beauty only to Non-Mahrams. It’s not a free-for-all show anymore, where I become a show-piece, a star attraction for all the men in the world to feast their eyes on. In fact, that beauty now becomes something even more precious and exclusive to only those people with whom I am secure and safe… my Mahrams. I don’t have to worry about lewd stares that make me conscious of my hair rippling in the wind or that my arms are on open display to strange men.

Coming to another point… that of dressing up at home or around Mahrams. This is something that draws another kind of interest from people. So I like jewelery and I love to wear it when I can…nothing wrong with that, right? I wonder why it is then, that sometimes ladies and even Mahrams (may Allah guide them) point it out in a negative sense when they see me a little dressed up at home? Some seem to think it is because I feel “deprived” in my Hijab and I’m desperate to find an outlet for my feelings somewhere, hence the dangling earrings. Another confusion that’s in peoples’ minds is that you don’t need to beautify yourself at home. These people believe it’s important to look your best in public but when you’re at home, it’s okay to slack off – no wonder so many housewives present a very sorry picture at home but are seen in the most dazzling attires at weddings and other functions! How do their husbands recognize them on such occasions? He he!

I just have this to say… if I like to dress up and I’m doing so in a Halal way, without making a display of myself where I shouldn’t, there is absolutely nothing “odd” about it! In fact, just because other people find me odd, it doesn’t make my actions wrong in any way, as long as I adhere to the Islamic principles. And it’s not because I’m repressed, oppressed or suppressing my feelings in any way. I’m happy to present a good and well-dressed appearance to my Mahrams. Likewise, I hope to do so in my role as a wife too, InshaAllah… and guess what, that’s not only Halal, it’s a highly recommended Sunnah too. That’s how the Wives of the Prophet(saw), the Ummahat-al-Momineen lived too!

We forget that Allah(swt)’s decisions and commandments to us are full of unfathomable wisdom and the best way to live our lives. What He has asked us to do is never, in any way, a punishment. It’s only to make our own lives easier and more enjoyable on this earth. I wish women would realize this and beautify themselves in the right manner, for the right reasons. Makeup, nail-polishes, lipsticks, perfumes, gem-studded hair combs, bracelets, anklets, dangling earrings, bangles… all of these are Halal but adorn yourself in the right manner. That’s also one beautiful way of expressing gratitude to Allah(swt) for the perfect manner in which He created you!

Recommended reading: The Ideal Muslimah by Dr Mohammad Ali Al-Hashimi

As I rip out the butterfly wall paper I had so painstakingly installed 7 years ago and roll on the hot pink paint she picked for her bedroom wall, I want to hold on to her tight but she has started her journey to womanhood and all I can do is pray for her & guide her to the best of my ability. She has outgrown Gymboree but Justice is too ‘tween’ for her. My baby can barely make her bed, how will she handle adolescence? It is natural, I know but I want her to stay a child for a little bit longer. Puberty is a confusing and emotional time for young girls. Their bodies are changing; their emotions are raw and magnified. Having taught this workshop in our masjid for youth girls and for two years at my home, this is the first year my 9-year-old will participant. I think she is ready.

My cousin wonders why she needs to learn so early about puberty esp. since she may not get her period until 11-12. There are a myriad of reasons why this channel of communication need to be opened: because girls are maturing earlier every decade, because we live in a world of texting & You tube, because they will hear about it somewhere; at school, at your friend’s dinner party or from an older, ‘wiser’ neighborhood teenager. She may hear nonsense and take it for fact.

If you google muslim-puberty-girls, there is a dearth of any usable literature or practical advice. All that shows up are X rated websites with a few Islamic fatwas sites scattered in between. I did find one Yahoo group where young Muslimahs were desperately begging each other for info about how to clean themselves, wondering whether they should they pray or not. The poor women who answered their post had her facts wrong and kept hinting at ’secrets’ after they get married. That’s not what I want for my daughters. Instead of hearing snatches of conversation that confuses them even more, wouldn’t it be better to hear it from the woman whose womb bore them or an understanding teacher who can answer their what, when and whys.

Muslim girls need guidance and knowledge at this time. But this knowledge needs to stay in the confines of hayya-modesty. They need to understand these changes are from Allah (SWT) and with them come a great responsibility; they are now adults in front of God. In most American public schools, parents are given a choice of showing their girls a video about puberty. Many Muslim parents opt out of this program for good reason as the videos shown are ‘very graphic’ albeit in cartoon form and discuss how you get pregnant -you can read ‘Just around the corner’ movie reviews by moms and decide for yourself. Even if some Muslim parents discuss puberty, they do not explain the Islamic responsibilities that arrive after this stage in life.

I remember reading about ‘it’ in Judy Blume’s young adult novel ’Are you there, God? It’s me Margaret’ but never connected the dots that this will happen to me as well. When I finally reached puberty over summer vacation while visiting my Nani, I remember my aunts making kheer- rice pudding and congratulating me, grown women giggling away but no one ever told me what was going on. I felt guilty, like I had done something wrong, evil. In Muslim countries, many terrified girls look at soiled undergarments and wonder if they are dying because they are clueless. Often it is taboo to talk about what is happening to them. Between these two extremes lies Islam’s golden, middle way.

Advice to moms:

It’s awkward for mothers to talk about this subject as well, so I designed this info in a class format with handouts for the girls- so a mother can talk to her daughter or a teacher can address her class and explain puberty in terms that even a 5th grader can understand.

After talking to many young Muslimahs and their moms, here are some practical suggestions I have for moms: Inculcate the habit of wearing a camisole around at 8 years, this will help her get used to wearing something under her clothes. When you do purchase her first bras, make a date and take just her to the store. Please buy her a small, separate trashcan as well (or reuse you diaper genie) so she can throw away the used pads appropriately. Show her a private place where she can stash her pantiliners and pads away from the inquiring eyes of younger siblings. At this point in life, young girls can be gifted their own Masallah (Janamaz), their own copy of the Quran & a tasbih, it makes them feel more responsible for their ibadah. She may want to sleep longer, so adjust her schedules. She may get moody; talk her through her feelings, as they are just a scared of their mood swings as you are.

You can give her this information in one formal class or a series of discussions, as you know your daughter’s learning style. Invite her friends, bake some brownies – make it mother-daughter time. Let them get their giggles out at the beginning- it soothes them and helps them when they see that all the girls are going through the same thing. I usually show the girls maxi pads, panty liners, and give them calendars to start their habit of marking their haidh-period. Another cute thing I hand out is a card that reads ‘Allah has chosen today to make me a young woman’. They can give this to their moms to let them know the day they get them-if they are too shy. I find it easier to show them an anatomical diagram of the uterus and use scientific terms of the body parts, without going into too much detail. Please feel free to use the information below, just remember to give credit and make dua for me.

Circle of Life: Start with a discussion on how it all begins and ends with Allah- our creator

· Allah created the first human being Adam (AS) from dust

· Allah creates every baby in their mother’s womb- It is related from Anas ibn Malik that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Allah the Mighty and Majestic appoints an angel to every womb who says, ‘O Lord! A drop! O Lord A clot! O Lord! A lump of flesh! ‘Then if He desires to complete His creation, He does so and the angel asks, ‘Is it to be male or female? Wretched or happy? What is its provision? What is its life-span?’ This is all decreed in the mother’s womb.”

· The baby develops from one stage to the other until it reaches full term. In Chapter 40 verse 67 of the Quran Allah tells us: It is He who has created you from dust, then from a drop of seed, then from a clot; Then He brings you forth as a child, then ordains that you reach the age of full strength and afterward that you become old-though some among you die before- and that you reach an appointed term, in order that you may understand.

· By Allah’s will the baby is born and progresses through life from one stage to another

· Until her time on Earth is complete and she returns to her Creator

What is it? Adolescence- balughat is a stage of development when your body goes thru changes at a fast rate under the effect of hormones produced in the body by the will of Allah Taa’la,

· Every baby girl is born with two ovaries

· and a uterus- a muscle the size of your fist where a baby can grow

· Allah produces hormones called estrogen and progesterone in your body

Changes in body will include:

· Hair grows underarms and in the private area- Muslims should clean these areas at least every 40 days- wax, cream or even shave.

· Sweat glands develop- Take regular showers as body odor tends to increase at this age

· The chest starts growing so it can produce milk when you get married and have a child

· The ovaries release an ovum (egg) every month

· The uterus prepares a thin layer of tissue to receive the ovum

· Upon puberty, the uterus shed this thin layer of tissue every month and it discharged from the body. This is your monthly period or menstruation.

Why do we get it? Little girls are starting to become women- the process takes several years but you have to learn to carry yourself like a Muslim woman. Over time your body matures so that one day it will be ready to be a mother when you get married. A healthy, able body is a trust from Allah. Allah made it, so He knows best how to take care of it and he tells us how through the Quran and Sunnah- by doing halaal and staying away from haraam. ‘This is something that Allah has decreed for the daughters of Adam.” Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said. Unlike Judaism, Hinduism or Christianity, Islam does not view your period as a curse. Our faith does not teach any connection between mentruation and Eve or the first sin- Islam does not preach that women are the source of evil. We believe that Hazrat Adam and Bibi Hawwa made the choice to disobey Allah together.

When will I get it? In Islam puberty cannot begin before the age of nine. If you do not menstruate by the age of fifteen (Islāmic years), you will have reached the age of puberty. A girl’s first period usually begins between the ages of 9 and 16. The average age is 12.5 years. Your best friend and you will probably not get it the same day or even the same year. Relax!!! as long as you are eating healthy, sleeping enough hours you have nothing to worry about. It is a special time chosen by Allah and it will happen when your body is ready of it.

Some signs that your body is getting ready:

· Developing Breasts. First, you’ll get breast “buds”. (Your breasts then can take up to 3-4 years to fully develop.) Generally you will get your period 2-3 years after your breasts start developing. The average age for breast buds is 10.5 years

· Growing Pubic Hair. Right after your breasts start to form, you’ll start developing pubic hair. It will be soft and thin at first, and then gradually become coarser. Your period usually arrives around 1-2 years after the hair development.

· Discharge. This is the big sign. You’ll start to experience vaginal discharge that will be either white or yellowish. If you like, you may want to start using pantiliners to protect your underwear. This is from Sunnah, the women of Madinah used to wear a piece of cotton wool (karsoof). Your period could start around 6-18 months after the start of discharge. A girl’s first few periods are usually light. You will lose about two to five tablespoons of blood over a period of two to eight days

There’s one more way to figure out when you’ll start menstruating: Ask your mom. You’ll probably get your period within a year or so of when she got hers.

Now I have it what should I do?

· Use a pad to wear with your underwear. Change the pad as often as you need to stay dry and comfortable. Keep some underwear exclusively for use during these days.

· When you get it you may get cramps- which is because your uterus is contracting- use a hot water bottle, exercise, drink hot tea and cuddle with your mom. If it really hurts ask your doctor if it is OK to take pain medication.

· It is perfectly normal not to have a regular pattern or habit the first few months or even few years. Start keeping a calendar and keep track of your habit, lots of rules depend on this.

· Make sure you wrap your used pad and throw it in garbage. It is really bad manners to leave them in plain sight. Do not flush down the toilet. You are not a little kid anymore; behave like a proud, clean Muslimah!

· During period you are excused from salah. This is a gift from Allah (SWT), as he knows how much a woman is suffering. Do not cut all connection with Allah. Do make wudu, sit and make zikr, duas, read duroood etc. so you don’t loose the habit of praying 5 times. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “… a woman can neither pray nor fast during her menses” (Sahih Muslim). You don’t have to make up the Salah
However; the menstruating woman must make up the missed days after Ramadan. Aishah (RA) said: “When we would have our menses during the lifetime of the Prophet, we were ordered to make up the days of fasting that we had missed but were not ordered to make up the prayers that we had missed.”(Sahih Al-Bukhari)

· After you are sure the bleeding has stopped than make ghusl*(a handout on how to take this ritual bath is included). Women used to send ‘A’isha (RA) little boxes containing pieces of cotton cloth which still showed some yellowness. ‘A’isha would say, “Do not rush [to do ghusl] until you see white cotton,” meaning by that purity from menstruation.’After you are sure that all discharged has changed to white then you are ready to make ghusl and get back to praying five times a day. “When we purified ourselves by doing ghusl after menstruation, we were allowed a small amount of light perfume.”

· Every religion has a corner stone the cornerstone of is Islam is HAYAA- modesty. We should try to act on this principle in every action of our lives. Don’t discuss your period around boys, men and younger sisters.

· Most importantly the pen has started flowing, every action is recorded now. You are responsible for your salah, your fasting in Ramadan is compulsory, hijab becomes fardh. Congratulations!

FIQHI ISSUES: I am not an a’lema, please always refer to a scholar for detailed questions on menstruation. However there are some basic fiqh questions that every Muslimah should learn and can be discussed in follow up sessions. The following are according to the Hanafi/Shafaee madhab and have been reviewed by Muftl Ibrahim Qureishi.

According to Imam Abu Hanifa (RA)- the maximum period a woman menstruates or has haidh is 10 days-after ten days it is called istehadha. The minimum amount of time between two periods is 15 days, if you start bleeding before the fifteen days then it is also istehadha. In istehadha a young woman has to pray regularly- just change your pad, clean your private parts and make fresh wudu before each salaat.

Purity is islam is of two types HOOKMI (ritual)and HAQEEQI(real).

So you may be bleeding but still not be impure or you may not be bleeding but you could be impure. For example: bleeding stops after two days and resumes on fourth day so you weren’t bleeding on day 3 but you were impure. In istehadha, you are bleeding but are pure.

ISSUE 1
If a young girl experiences bleeding for the first time, then it should be observed whether it continues for three days and three nights (seventy-two hours). {According to Imâm Shafi’î R.A. for twenty-four hours.} If it does, then it is menstruation.

ISSUE 2
If bleeding continues for more than three days and three nights and stops at any time within ten days and ten nights, then all of it would be menstruation, similarly all of it would be menstruation if bleeding continued for full ten days (two hundred and forty hours). {Fifteen days and fifteen nights according to Imâm Shafi’î R.A.}

ISSUE 3
If bleeding continued for full ten days and ten nights {Fifteen days and fifteen nights according to Imâm Shafi’î R.A.} then the ten days and ten nights will be menstruation and the bleeding beyond it is chronic discharge (istihadha).

Since any bleeding beyond ten full days is chronic discharge (istihadha). She should take a bath after ten days and start her prayer.

But if a woman is a mo’tâda [one who has a normal set menstruation period] and bleeding continues beyond her habit, then it should be seen, if it stops within ten days, all of it is menstruation and if it continues after ten days, then only the days of her habit would be regarded as menstruation and the days after that is chronic discharge (istihadha).

Therefore, she should perform make-up prayer for the days beyond her habit. If she has a habit of seven days and she bled for twelve days then only seven days would be menstruation and the rest chronic discharge (istihada). But if she bled for nine or ten days only then all of it is menstruation.

ISSUE 4
If a mubtadeah keeps bleeding continuously for a few months, then in every month ten days from the day when bleeding started, these are of menstruation and the remaining nineteen to twenty days are of chronic discharge (istihada) e.g. if bleeding started on the fifth of a particular month, the days between the fifth and the fifteenth of every month are of menstruation and from the fifteenth to the fifth of the next month are days of chronic discharge (istihada). Note: only Islamic (lunar calendar) must be used regarding Islamic matters.

ISSUE 5
If a woman notices blood for three full days and three nights or more, or any number of days up to ten days and ten nights and then remains clean for full fifteen days or more, and again sees blood for three or more days then both bleedings are called menstruation and the days in between are regarded as a period of purity.

ISSUE 6
If a woman notices blood for three days and three nights or more and then remains clean for fifteen days or more and again sees blood for less than three days then the first bleeding was menstruation while the second bleeding is chronic discharge (istihada) because the bleeding was for less than three days although the period of purity was for fifteen lays.

ISSUE 7
If a woman notices blood for less than three days and three nights and after full fifteen days or more sees blood again for less than three days then both bleedings are called chronic discharge (istihada) and she will be regarded as pure for all these days.

As soon as the bleeding stops within three days, she should make ritual ablution (wudu) and start her prayer during the last stages (end part) of mustahab [preferable] time (i.e. just before disliked (makruh) time). She must also offer make-up prayer for those days which she has missed while she was bleeding.

ISSUE 8
If a woman who is ritually pure puts on sanitary pads, etc. at night and in the morning when she removes it; she finds it to be blood-stained, then her menstruation starts only at the time when she sees the blood.

ISSUE 9
If a menstruating woman notices no sign of blood on her pad, then the clean period will be counted right from the time the pad was put on.

HANDOUT 1

GOT GHUSL?

1. Make the niyyah (intention) to perform ghusl for purification.

2. Wash your private parts thoroughly with water.

3. Perform wudu’ (ablution) except for washing of your feet, which you can do later after bathing the body. Sniff water up your nose up to the point where bone goes from soft to hard. Gargle three times.

4. Starting with your head wash the entire body, first the right side, followed by the left. Use scented body wash as the women companions used to use perfumed pieces of cloth to wipe off menstrual blood and clean their private parts three times.( Sahih Bukhari).

5. Wash the body 3 times. The minimum is once. Make sure your clean your belly button and behind earrings and rings. Every inch of the body must be wet.

Recite upon completing the ghusl

Allah humma ja’alnee minattawabeena wa ja’alnee minal muthahhareen
‘O Allaah, make me of those who return to You often in repentance and make me of those who remain clean and pure.’

At puberty all shariah rules go into effect:

• Salat (namaz)
• Fasting (sawm)
• Hajj
• Zakat
• Hijab

You are now solely accountable to Allah for all your actions, words & deeds. You can not use your parents as an excuse any longer.

Muslims should remove the hair in their private areas at least every 40 days- wax, cream or even shave.

HANDOUT 2

Be prepared. You should start carrying pads around with you in advance of getting your period. If you find yourself stuck at school without a pad , go ask to your school’s nurse.

If at any point while at school your period leaks through your clothing, excuse yourself to the office and get them to call your mom to bring you something to change into. These clothes are now najis and need to be washed. Avoid wearing white or light-colored pants and underwear during the week of your period to cut down on the chance of visible leakage as well.

A Girl’s First Period – A Regular Visit

When your first period finally arrives, don’t be too worried if it doesn’t stick around for long. Periods usually come every 28 to 30 days and last for three to seven days. But, if it doesn’t follow that schedule right away, it is perfectly normal not to have a regular pattern or habit the first few months or even few years. Start keeping a calendar and keep track of your habit lots of rules depend on this.

Basic Supplies

• Lots of pads
• A change of clothes kept in your locker at school.
• Tylenol, Panadol, Midol or Advil.
• A hot water bottle.
• Lots of chocolate!

Make sure you wrap your used pad and throw it in garbage. It is really bad manners to leave them in plain sight.

You are not a little kid anymore-behave like a proud, clean Muslimah!

Don’t touch the all Arabic Quran with your bare hands. Do not pray or fast during your period but make lots of duas, say the kalimah, read durood. Don’t forget Allah just you because you have your Period.

By Hena Zuberi Siddiqui –
“I am just a mama trying to raise my 4 kids . In my ‘other’ life I was TV news producer- mommyhood is way more exciting. My youth group kids (MYSCV) keep me in-the-know. I rather do halaqas than the laundry. Visit me at lordsfavors.wordpress.com.”

This is a quote that I had put up on my Facebook status as some motivation for myself. First of all, this status was not posted as an attack to anyone in specific, but rather a reminder to all of my Muslim brothers and sisters, and to myself. It’s not just for sisters because sometimes this is a tendency that is common among some brothers as well.

Marriage comes with a LOT of responsibilities, and especially for the sister, it is a lot of new responsibilities, including things such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, taking care of husband, children, and juggling work and school all at the same time. However we know that da’wah is encouraged, if not obligated (however you look at it) for every Muslim. In fact, some scholars say that one of the reasons we are allowed to stay in a Non-Muslim country is by doing da’wah.

Now coming to da’wah and practical steps and examples:

1. There is a saying that behind every great man is a great woman. One of the best ways we can do da’wah is by supporting our husbands in their da’wah works. If you look at Hajar, the wife of Ibrahim alayhissalam, her effort as a wife and a mother has left a legacy that will be remembered for the rest of time. Support his work, provide encouragement, and constructive criticism, and do not become a hindrance in his efforts.

2. We take our examples from the greatest women in history, the Mothers of the Believers, ie, the wives of the Prophet Muhammad (saws). They took care of the household and did much more than us, yet they were leaders in doing da’wah. Aisha, for example, was one of the greatest scholars of the time. At the same time, we have to take note that despite his (least to say) BUSY schedule, the Prophet (saws) took the time to help his wives around the house with chores. This just goes to show that household responsibilities are not just for the wife, but for the husband as well. And if both the husband and wife are involved with dawah work, then it is crucial that both spouses share the work in the house, so that the wife is not doing everything on her own.
3. A lot of people, when they ask “what is the main responsibility of a wife?”, are told, “their family”. However, as one scholar pointed out, this answer is incorrect. A woman’s first responsibility is to be a servant to Allah. Now, as a married woman, ONE of the ways she can fulfill this responsibility by being a good wife and mother, educating her children and bringing them up to be Muslims. This is an example of how she can do dawah at home. However, this requires effort. It’s not just about cooking and cleaning- it’s about educating oneself as best as one can in order to raise children as good Muslims and Muslimahs.

4. Practical examples of what married Muslim women living in America today can do in terms of da’wah:

a) The Internet- It is such a blessing that we have this medium we can use for da’wah purposes. Lots of American Muslim women have been very active in the dawah front using the Internet as a tool. And this does not even require them to leave their houses: check out a few of these websites that are run by Muslim women in America, all of whom are married and close to our age:

http://iamsheba.com/

http://www.habibihalaqas.org/

http://www.muslimahsource.org/

numerous female authors writing for http://muslimmatters.org/

b) Seeking knowledge- Alhamdulillah, we are living in times when knowledge is coming to us, instead of us having to travel miles to seek it. As a married couple, we should try to devote some of our free time to attend circles of knowledge together. In addition, numerous Muslim women have been starting their own halaqahs and classes. If you take a look at Al Huda Institute (http://www.alhudainstitute.ca/), it has been established by Muslim married women, and mashaAllah, they are doing an amazing job at producing women who are educated in the field of Quran. There are sisters in our own community who are married, are professionals, going to school, and have children who are hosting sisters study circles at their homes, including fiqh classes, tajweed classes, etc. All it takes is a few sisters to get together and agree to do something for an hour once a week.

c) Community work- when people think of da’wah, this is the first thing they think of and say to themselves, “I don’t have time for it.” But community work does not have to complicated such as leading an organization or serving on the board of an organization. It can be something simple like volunteering one night at a community event, designing flyers for an event, going to Downtown with the MSA for an hour once a month to give food to the needy, etc. Two of my good friends in Memphis are two of the best volunteers I have ever worked with- each of them are married, one is a mother of two, and both are either working or going to school.

At the end of the day, Allah knows our schedules and He knows how busy we are. At the same time, if dawah is something we are passionate about (which I hope we are), then some of the steps that have to be taken include:

a) Making du’a to Allah to help us in our endeavours (esp, during Tahajjud)
b) Discussing with our spouses how both individuals can share work in the house so that both are able to do some dawah work (again, it can be just going and volunteering or teaching for an hour once a week).
c) Manage our time more wisely- can I wake up an hour earlier today to finish school work and the laundry so I can attend an hour long halaqah in the evening? Maybe instead of a movie, I can go to the soup kitchen today with a local group to serve food to the needy, etc.

In conclusion, remember that Allah will judge us according to our intention and our efforts, for He (swt) has promised us in the Qur’an, “”Never will I allow to be lost the work of any of you, be he male or female” (Surah Al Imran: 195). Never think that what you do is miniscule, because on the Day of Judgment, Allah may just make your scales abundantly heavy because of your struggles. I hope this helps somewhat. Again, nothing is to be taken personally. This advice is to myself first and foremost, and may Allah forgive me if I said anything wrong or anything to hurt anyone’s feelings.

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Mehreen Khan’s hometown is in Memphis, Tennessee. She frequently works with the Muslim youth and volunteers for several Islamic organizations. She also teaches various Islamic Studies topics to the women and youth in her local community. She will be graduating this year with a BS in Elementary Education.