That’s why it comes as no surprise that the nourishing of their minds is a constant topic of discussion and debate. It’s no longer even just about what schools to send them to. Now the debate starts with what color toys your 5 month old should be playing with. Does black and white increase brain development or are bright colors more stimulating? Will allowing my toddler to watch TV cause developmental delays? Should I start my infant on a program that promises me that my baby will learn to read before he turns 2?  Or maybe instead I should be focusing on teaching him a second or third language; after all, the earlier they’re exposed, the faster they catch on.

Before you know it, your toddler turns 3 and the school debate begins! How are the public schools in my area? Maybe a private school will give him a better chance to succeed. Or an Islamic school will provide a better environment.

Along with these there is a fourth option that is gaining traction not only in Muslim communities but in the West generally. More and more parents are choosing to take the education of their children into their own hands and are opting to homeschool them. What makes homeschooling such an appealing option these days? And why do I choose to do it for my children?

Homeschooling in the west dates as far back as the founding fathers. Many of the “famous” Americans of the past such as George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, and Abraham Lincoln were what we would consider home-schooled. Being self-taught or educated at home remained fairly normal until the 1920s, when strict school laws began to be enforced. It was not until the 70s when the notion of rigid schooling was challenged and the idea began to gain traction during the late 80s and early 90s.

Growing up in the 90s, homeschooling was generally reserved for either a) anti-conformists who believed in “unschooling” or b) parents who felt public schools were undermining the religious upbringing they wanted for their children. When my parents decided to pull me out of school in the 2nd grade it was a controversial decision. There was no support from the school district and the only home-school groups in the area were heavily Christian and met at churches.

As the eldest home-schooled child in the family during the late 90s and early 2000s it sometimes felt like I was the guinea pig—being used to test out new methods and curricula. It wasn’t all bad but it wasn’t a well-rounded experience. I remember clearly telling my parents on many occasions that my kids would have the pleasure of going to “real” school. Yet here I am years latter spending my nights piecing together science experiments and phonics lessons.

My change in heart is partially because the public and Islamic schools in our area are not an option and partially because homeschooling has evolved. Homeschooling is no longer just about controlling the environment the child grows up in. It’s also meant to enhance their learning experience. Every child has a different style of learning and homeschooling allows you to tailor your curriculum for each style. Since children are given more one-on-one attention, they have more input in their learning experience. As the teacher, you also have the opportunity to include subjects not normally offered, or to speed up the lesson pace in areas where your child excels.

Add to that the fact that homeschooling materials are now readily available whether online or in print. There are affordable–even some free!–curricula to meet every need. If you prefer the more creative approach to teaching, there are templates, lesson plans, and suggested book lists for every subject. If you lean towards the stricter daily worksheet and scheduled assignment method, there are even state-funded online “public” schools that will provide you with books, science experiments, and even a monthly Internet stipend!

Homeschooling has come to be accepted in society as a legitimate method of education. Zoos and other educational attractions now offer discounts to homeschooling families. There are athletic leagues set up in major metropolitan communities dedicated exclusively to home-schooled children. And in almost every city you can find a support group not only for homeschooling families but for Muslim homeschooling families. These groups are great places to get ideas, plan activities, and set up science fairs and spelling bees. You can’t get any more real school than that!

Every family dynamic is different and what works for one doesn’t always work for another. Homeschooling takes a lot of time and dedication. However, with the advancements made in the last 10 years or so, homeschooling done right can be a fulfilling, well rounded experience.

InshaAllah in this series on homeschooling I hope to share my experiences on this journey as well as the many resources that I have come across.

Something I have recently noticed in the Muslim Community is Mothers are finding the need to defend their Birth stories, as though it needs explanation. It often seems like the friends and family of the birth mother are more interested in the “big question” rather than Mom’s emotional health. What? you don’t know what “big question” I am referring to? Let me paint a picture of what this looks like, for about 90% of new mothers…

Mom gets a few visitors at the hospital. She quickly pulls herself together hoping to look somewhat attractive. She finds the energy to put on a smile and greet her guests. Hoping the guests will do nothing but admire her baby, but after some initial meet and greet… the question eventually surfaces. “So I am guessing now that you know what labor is really like, your plan for a natural birth went out the window. Did you take the epidural when it was offered to you?” Mom hesitates, gulps and tries to avoid the question. She starts to tell the whole story, and ends up justifying and defending why her birth plan changed. She is Defending her Birth Story. However, at this point the visitors are not listening anymore. They heard what they wanted and that’s the answer to their burning question.

So, what exactly is wrong with this picture?  The thing is, Mom herself, has not had the time to process her own birth experience. She is burnt out from her adrenaline rush, eager to nurse her adorable baby and trying to remember where she put the extra baby blankets at home. At this point, Mom may not even remember all the details of her birth story.  The last thing she needs in an interview every time she meets an “experienced” mother.

People need to be more sensitive when it comes to how others have birthed. Just because you have experience does not mean you are necessarily qualified to truly educate someone on what birth could or should look like. Some will tell you that to aim for a natural birth is “unrealistic.”  Others may say things like “birth is too painful.”  That may have been true for them… but not for everyone.

I always heard while growing up that experience is the best teacher. Experience is a great teacher. However, there are two types of experiences: your own experiences and the experiences of others. We have all been to our own births. This means we are very qualified to talk about our own experiences, whether it is 2, 3, 4 or 5 births. But how many of us can say that we have been present for the entire time in the delivery room during someone else’s birth? What about 2, 3, 4 or 5 other women’s births?

The thought I want to leave you with is this: does the answer to the burning question really matter? Our community has become obsessed with the curiosity of birth. Sometimes even the Fathers will discuss births and ask the same questions as us women. When we wrap ourselves up in what doesn’t matter, we detract from what really does. A beautiful baby!

Whatever route he/she came by, it is always a blessing from Allah to hold a new life in your hands.

Birth is intimate, it is private and it is memorable- so long as we let it be.

By: Hira Khan
Doula, Mommy blogger
blog: alif2yaa.blogspot.com

Secondly, your child DOES have the attention span for an age appropriate book (with flexibility in mind). Small board books, soft books with one word or just a colorful picture you can talk about can be a wonderful experience for your baby/toddler.  Keeping it light-hearted and fun has been key to cultivating a love of books for my son. I believe, this attachment to reading is more important than getting all the way to the end or even reading the book in order from cover to cover.

I started off just reading books we had received from family and friends. Now, we take full advantage of our library as well. Eventually, he began to recognize characters, words, sounds, actions and anticipating things in the story. It is important to know how much their brains are developing through reading; it allows you to better appreciate the impact it is having on your child. I realized that although the books taught meaningful concepts: love, helping others, charity, hard work, they didn’t have the Muslim vocabulary or identity that I wanted for my child. When a character sneezes, I want him to say,” Alhamdulillah.” Inevitably my child will want to read that book (like he does with all of them) at least fifty times and he will learn that after someone sneezes they say,” Alhamdulillah.”

Now, I began inserting my commentary into the various books we have and looked for the opportunity to include vocabulary, concepts etc. that will help him understand what is going on around him. This is where the idea for these book reviews came from. I hope to include a review of a selection of Ibrahim’s and my favorites and how we modified, used and learned from them.

By: Philip C. Stead, Illustrated by Erin Stead, 2011 ALA Caldecott Winner

This is one of first books I have read to my son (18 months) that is not a board book. I was worried he might get bored and not notice the illustrations because of the muted colors. This book taught me we shouldn’t underestimate our children. We both read the book and Ibrahim excitedly pointed out the red balloon, the “chai” (tea), shoes and other  familiar objects in the pictures. The illustrations drew him in and kept him engaged throughout with the repetitive elements. The story and characters are appealing because they give you a lot to talk about with your child.

“Look, he’s making breakfast, what do you eat?”

“He’s making chai! That must be hot.”

“Uh-oh, he looks sad. What’s wrong? He’s got an “owwie.”

“Look, there’s the bus. What sound does the bus make?”

And the commentary in between the pages can be as creative as you like. It is only an accent to the wonderfully compassionate story line. If your child is still as young as mine, animal sound effects throughout the story are also another perfect way to entertain them. Ibrahim loved “whoo, whoo-ing” with the owl, and ah-choo-ing with Amos. Elephants are a little new, so we learned about the trunk and blowing it. I don’t really know what sound a rhino makes so I skipped that. haha.

So the story goes (spoiler alert!), Amos McGee is a patient and kind-hearted man who takes care of the animals in the zoo everyday. When he falls sick, his friends come to visit him and do for him what he does for them: the elephant plays chess with him, the tortoise plays hide and seek, the penguin keeps his feet warm, the rhinoceros offers him a handkerchief and the owl reads him a bedtime story.

Islamically, this book has no elements to be worried about or questionable pictures. Amos plays chess with elephant patiently, and runs races with the tortoise, helps the rhino with his allergies, sits with the penguin and reads to the owl. While reading the book to Ibrahim, I added in extra sneezes and “Alhamdulillah” as I went along.  You can also add salaam as the characters meet and depart. For slightly older children you may even want to add the dua for travelling (getting on a bus).

The sweet message of compassion to others is a great topic to talk to your child about. It is also a good supplement in discussing how we should maintain good relationships with those around us and visit the sick .

For slightly older children (3-7), it might be a great conversation starter on what happens when Mommy, Daddy or our teacher gets sick? What happens? What can you do if someone gets sick and has to “take the day off.”

A great resource for more lesson plan ideas:

http://classroombookshelf.blogspot.com/2011/01/ala-caldecott-winner-sick-day-for-amos.html

Don’t Make Allah an Extension of Yourself

If you are accustomed to zeroing in on negative things, you may attribute the same behavior to God. You think that by invoking someone higher than yourself, the kid will listen even if they don’t listen to you. You are actually using the same faulty method, just trying to up the stakes.

When kids do positive things, do we say, “Allah likes it that you do that,” or “I bet Allah is very proud of you,” or “Wow, the angels must be really busy writing down your good deeds!”

Or do we only mention Allah for negative behaviors, “ Allah doesn’t like that,” “Allah will be angry with you,” etc. You can use this, but do justice to reality: Allah notices good and bad.

Don’t reduce Allah to a big parent who only sides with mom and dad. If you do something wrong, be honest. “Mommy did something wrong. Now I have to tell Allah I’m sorry.” Now the child realizes that Allah is above sides; he is al Haqq (the Truth!), and he sides with whatever is truthful and good. You are also modeling repentance, not some unrealistic ideal.

Problems Unique to Islamic School

Most Islamic Schools are diverse, and all of them place a heavy emphasis on learning Arabic. This of course, is because we want to empower all Muslims to be able to read the Quran in its original language. But for children who speak Arabic at home, they see other students who can’t and feel superior.

I saw two Arabic-speaking boys tell a Somali boy, “We speak Arabic. Do you?” The answer, of course, was no. The boys then asked him what various words in Arabic meant (they knew he would not be able to answer). The other boy did his best to guess, but naturally, he didn’t know. The intended effect of excluding him was achieved and the other boys felt proud of their Arabic (language of the Quran after all). I stepped in,

“Abdulraheem, can you teach me a Somali word? Whisper it in my ear.”

He then whispered the Somali word for ‘food’ in my ear.

I pronounced the Somali word to the Arab boys and asked, “What does it mean?”

They didn’t know.

I said, “Why not? Me and Abdulraheem know what it means.”

Abdulraheem then told them what it meant. I told them that Allah made all kinds of people and languages. In this way I signified to the other boys that there were things they didn’t know either. As the teacher I also lent some importance to the Somali language by showing an interest in it. This boosted Abdulraheem’s confidence and opened the other boys minds to how they had treated Abdulraheem and how it must have felt for him.

Girls

Immigrant parents, especially, pride themselves on creating docile girls. One parent had a problem with how much his daughter laughed and spoke loudly, by his standards. Parents need to understand that in the American context a girl who is docile can be considered weak and a pushover. I don’t think anyone wants their daughter to grow up and model vulnerability, especially if she eventually ends up in a co-ed middle or high school. We need to probe the deeper meanings of modesty, and not just be satisfied with its supposed outward signs. Also, we know that the Prophet was so modest he was chided for being feminine. But do we require this same modesty from our sons? If we applied this standard of modesty from our sons then maybe we would have an argument for demanding so much of it from our girls. For now, I am not seeing much logic in creating a nation of soft-spoken girls, while the boys brag about who “owned” who in the latest videogame. Male modesty seems theoretical, at best!

Also, little girls see that it is the boys who lead the prayer. We are shy to say that little boys will be expected to be leaders of their homes and that we even have this concept in Islam. This responsibility includes the opportunity to “mess up” and be held accountable, so this perceived advantage is a double-edged sword. We are also shy as women to lead the other girls in prayer, even though this is something girls should know is permissible by most schools.

If you want to transform your child or student, you will find that most of the transformation will probably have to come in your manner of disciplining. If this article has been of benefit to you, please pray for the author!

Kids are little adults. In spiritual terms, the same diseases of the heart that we see in adults, begin to manifest at an early age. At age five, one can already identify leaders and followers. One can already see racism (learned at home), and manipulative behavior. There are also positive traits, like generosity and compassion. When a child falls down, why do some children stop and ask “Are you OK?” while others run and play? Why does one child share cookies while another hoards them to himself?

Here I recollect the methods and lessons learned when I accidentally became an Islamic school kindergarten teacher last year. As someone who had no children and had never even babysat prior to the job, my introduction to children was a baptism by fire. This forced me to learn in a very short timespan, what many teachers were taught over years of methods courses and teaching practicums. I make no pretension to knowing the names of these techniques. These are the time-tested methods that got this amateur through a year of kindergarten madness, and turned me into someone who is now confident in her ability to handle children.

Attention is Itself a Reward

Sometimes keeping silent about bad behavior is the best way of censuring it. Attention is a reward to be given to those who deserve it. Sapping all our energy  zeroing in on bad behavior is not only counterproductive but unfair to other kids who do behave and who see all the attention go towards the misbehaving.

At storytime, some children will continue to talk and squirm while others sit attentive and ready for the story. One by one I zero in on the positive, “I see Abdallah sitting nicely. Wow, I see Aisha quiet and ready to hear the book, thank you Aisha. Muhammad is ready. Who else?”

Like magic, the offenders straighten up and copy those who got the positive attention. One could say this is manipulative, because I purposefully ignore the other children, however, what is discipline other than the careful manipulation of human responses to create a better human being? This is also a way of avoiding embarrassment of the offending children, who are given attention but only when they do something positive.

This method takes time and practice. It is almost counterintuitive and you may find yourself reverting to calling out the negative behavior. But stick to the method as much as possible. The tone of the classroom will change to one of harsh scolding to constant praise.

Explain Things Simply, And Use a Logical Order

Many of us lecture children with complex themes and difficult words. We are not talking to them at their level.  They are so caught up in their simple object of desire (a toy) that sometimes all we need to do is remind them what they just did, and appeal to their human compassion.

For example, a boy takes another boy’s toy. I say,

“Ahmed was happy with his toy and you took it from him. How do you think he feels now?”

“Sad.”

“If I take your toy how will you feel?”

“Sad.”

“How can you make Ahmed happy?”

“Give him the toy.”

“Good.”

You are also teaching compassion. When we say, “It’s his, give it back,” we are teaching simplistic property rights, not the essential quality of sharing.

Humans like to turn their heads away from the shameful things they do. Most of the time, the toy-stealer will be involved in explaining to you why they are right. They don’t look at the crying child at all. I tell the toy-stealer to look at the other child (usually crying.) This by itself can have an effect.

Go Beyond Scolding and Use “Instead”

Sometimes we are a “Don’t Factory.” Don’t do this, don’t do that. We give children (especially Muslim children) a long list of don’t and “harams.” “Don’t run in the musalla,” we say, but we don’t give them an “Instead” such as “Sit down and ask Allah for good things. Pray for me, your parents, friends, etc.”

We tell a child, “Don’t take things from others.” But we don’t give them the social skills of how to get what they want. Nine times out of ten, when I ask the child, “Did you ask to use it?” they say “No.”

I teach them the 3 Sharing Steps.

1)      Ask

2)      (If they say no) “Can I Use it When You’re Done?”  (most of the time the kid says yes)

3)      Wait (if you wait a long time, return to the teacher/parent)

Most of the time the first kid will eventually hand the toy to the kid who wants it. Or the kid who wants it goes on to play and forgets his request for the toy. If the kid comes to me after significant time waiting, I then tell the other child to give him the toy.

Sometimes they do step 1 and not 2. I ask them to recall step 2. Or they do step 2 and fail to wait. I make them recall what they should have done next. Without the 3 Step Rule, kids don’t know how to get what they want.

One boy was an only son and spoiled. He was bossy at home and at school. When playing a game, if something went wrong he exclaimed, “Cheater!” This obviously put the other child on the defensive and paved the way for yet another argument.

I wrote these bossy statements on the board alongside better statements:

“Cheater!” becomes, “I think you made a mistake.”

“Gimme!” becomes, “Can I have that?”

“Move!” becomes, “Excuse me.”

Everytime he used a bossy statement, I pointed to the better one and read it for him. After a while his speech became less bossy. He had a better way to say what he wanted to say, and the others responded better to him. He seemed noticeably happier using these statements instead of the old ones. He must have felt relieved to not have to fight tooth and nail anymore, and I felt the same!

Tricia Pethic is from Upstate NY and is enrolled in Hartford Seminary’s Islamic chaplaincy program. She served as a board member of the Islamic Center of Tucson, 2006-2007. In 2008 Tricia received a Master’s degree in Near Eastern Studies and attended Deen Intensive’s Rihla program. She is happily married and enjoys cooking, reading, and maintaining a blog. Among her interests are improving women’s access to Islamic scholarship and its figures and articulating an authentic, indigenous Muslim lifestyle, along with general societal concerns, such as the industrialization of the food supply and the environment.

“Bob,” my daughter said, sounding muffled. I turned to see her struggling beneath a towel she’d heaped over her head and shoulders, her 20-month-old fingers pulling futilely at it. “Bob,” she said again, more testily this time. Apparently her plans for the towel weren’t working out to her satisfaction.

I moved in to help. “Towel, honey, not hijab,” I murmured as I attempted to pull it from her. She wasn’t having it. She held on tight and firmly insisted, “Bob,” yet again. I sighed and draped the long terrycloth over her head and shoulders so she wouldn’t trip over it at least, then watched, failing to hide my smile as she stalked majestically away.

She’s been doing this recently, with her towels and blankets and sheets. Also with dishrags and adult-sized hijabs she finds around the house. She has four of her own to wear whenever the mood strikes, outside and inside. A handmade, faceless Muslimah doll came with a hijab as part of its outfit, and if it slips off or she finds the doll’s head bare, she immediately brings it to someone who can put it back on at her urgent “Bob.” It just doesn’t seem right to her without it, and yet the doll goes nearly unnoticed otherwise.

So it’s become something close to an obsession with her right now. My mother said I went through the same phase. I believe every little Muslimah raised by a proudly hijabed Muslim mother does. The genuine love-based mimicry is perfectly natural to them at that stage of life, but I treasure it. It’s something to be able to tell her when she gets older, like my mother told me: that she’d always loved this part of Islam, that it had been a natural part of her girlhood. I also cherish it because she doesn’t know how beautiful it is to see her so in love with something Allah loves, a gift so many other little girls don’t get from their publicly image-conscious mothers. It’s almost incredible, how she naturally sees the beauty of it–something so many other little girls never see.

She holds my hand in public and returns the stares of strangers as if they’re the odd ones, not her. Not me. Not us Muslims. Holding her innocent hand as I go about my business, I almost hear a faint echo of the voice of the baby of the woman among the People of the Ditch who hesitated before she jumped into the fire: “Oh, mother, be patient; you are on the truth.” (Sahih Muslim) His miraculous support gave his mother the prompt she needed to make the searing sacrifice she made for both herself and her baby to enter Jannah, as Allah says, “As for those who believed and acted righteously, theirs shall be Gardens beneath which rivers flow. That is the great triumph.” (Al-Buruj, ayah 11)

Will we build our children into people who are truly supportive of us as believers–who remind us with love and respect just as we remind them, and hold us up against the disparagement of those who would see us fall off the straight path? Will holding tightly onto the hijab and the salah and the Rope of Allah remain “natural” to them into their adulthood?

As we turn these questions into constant du’as in the back of our minds, I believe allowing our children’s delightful little Islamic passions full rein is a strong block in the building of their Islamic identities.

By setting an example, we can ensure even the littlest ones absorb Islam from us early. An important thing to remember, and another way to purify their foundations: be sure to differentiate between cultural and Islamic behavior. Arab music and Bollywood are cultural activities that don’t contribute to their Islamic consciousness. Let your toddlers fill up their time by giving them a bowl to splash in while you demonstrate wudhu, showing them how to bend and prostrate in salah, or teaching them to repeat “Bismillah,” “AlHamdulillah,” and other adhkar. Use this as a way to teach them about Allah by showing them what Allah loves.

Last but not least, don’t expect them to want to do anything they know you don’t want to do. That means being introspective and working on your own iman and actions in areas where you may be lacking. May Allah help us all to draw near to Him along with our children, amin.

As I rip out the butterfly wall paper I had so painstakingly installed 7 years ago and roll on the hot pink paint she picked for her bedroom wall, I want to hold on to her tight but she has started her journey to womanhood and all I can do is pray for her & guide her to the best of my ability. She has outgrown Gymboree but Justice is too ‘tween’ for her. My baby can barely make her bed, how will she handle adolescence? It is natural, I know but I want her to stay a child for a little bit longer. Puberty is a confusing and emotional time for young girls. Their bodies are changing; their emotions are raw and magnified. Having taught this workshop in our masjid for youth girls and for two years at my home, this is the first year my 9-year-old will participant. I think she is ready.

My cousin wonders why she needs to learn so early about puberty esp. since she may not get her period until 11-12. There are a myriad of reasons why this channel of communication need to be opened: because girls are maturing earlier every decade, because we live in a world of texting & You tube, because they will hear about it somewhere; at school, at your friend’s dinner party or from an older, ‘wiser’ neighborhood teenager. She may hear nonsense and take it for fact.

If you google muslim-puberty-girls, there is a dearth of any usable literature or practical advice. All that shows up are X rated websites with a few Islamic fatwas sites scattered in between. I did find one Yahoo group where young Muslimahs were desperately begging each other for info about how to clean themselves, wondering whether they should they pray or not. The poor women who answered their post had her facts wrong and kept hinting at ’secrets’ after they get married. That’s not what I want for my daughters. Instead of hearing snatches of conversation that confuses them even more, wouldn’t it be better to hear it from the woman whose womb bore them or an understanding teacher who can answer their what, when and whys.

Muslim girls need guidance and knowledge at this time. But this knowledge needs to stay in the confines of hayya-modesty. They need to understand these changes are from Allah (SWT) and with them come a great responsibility; they are now adults in front of God. In most American public schools, parents are given a choice of showing their girls a video about puberty. Many Muslim parents opt out of this program for good reason as the videos shown are ‘very graphic’ albeit in cartoon form and discuss how you get pregnant -you can read ‘Just around the corner’ movie reviews by moms and decide for yourself. Even if some Muslim parents discuss puberty, they do not explain the Islamic responsibilities that arrive after this stage in life.

I remember reading about ‘it’ in Judy Blume’s young adult novel ’Are you there, God? It’s me Margaret’ but never connected the dots that this will happen to me as well. When I finally reached puberty over summer vacation while visiting my Nani, I remember my aunts making kheer- rice pudding and congratulating me, grown women giggling away but no one ever told me what was going on. I felt guilty, like I had done something wrong, evil. In Muslim countries, many terrified girls look at soiled undergarments and wonder if they are dying because they are clueless. Often it is taboo to talk about what is happening to them. Between these two extremes lies Islam’s golden, middle way.

Advice to moms:

It’s awkward for mothers to talk about this subject as well, so I designed this info in a class format with handouts for the girls- so a mother can talk to her daughter or a teacher can address her class and explain puberty in terms that even a 5th grader can understand.

After talking to many young Muslimahs and their moms, here are some practical suggestions I have for moms: Inculcate the habit of wearing a camisole around at 8 years, this will help her get used to wearing something under her clothes. When you do purchase her first bras, make a date and take just her to the store. Please buy her a small, separate trashcan as well (or reuse you diaper genie) so she can throw away the used pads appropriately. Show her a private place where she can stash her pantiliners and pads away from the inquiring eyes of younger siblings. At this point in life, young girls can be gifted their own Masallah (Janamaz), their own copy of the Quran & a tasbih, it makes them feel more responsible for their ibadah. She may want to sleep longer, so adjust her schedules. She may get moody; talk her through her feelings, as they are just a scared of their mood swings as you are.

You can give her this information in one formal class or a series of discussions, as you know your daughter’s learning style. Invite her friends, bake some brownies – make it mother-daughter time. Let them get their giggles out at the beginning- it soothes them and helps them when they see that all the girls are going through the same thing. I usually show the girls maxi pads, panty liners, and give them calendars to start their habit of marking their haidh-period. Another cute thing I hand out is a card that reads ‘Allah has chosen today to make me a young woman’. They can give this to their moms to let them know the day they get them-if they are too shy. I find it easier to show them an anatomical diagram of the uterus and use scientific terms of the body parts, without going into too much detail. Please feel free to use the information below, just remember to give credit and make dua for me.

Circle of Life: Start with a discussion on how it all begins and ends with Allah- our creator

· Allah created the first human being Adam (AS) from dust

· Allah creates every baby in their mother’s womb- It is related from Anas ibn Malik that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Allah the Mighty and Majestic appoints an angel to every womb who says, ‘O Lord! A drop! O Lord A clot! O Lord! A lump of flesh! ‘Then if He desires to complete His creation, He does so and the angel asks, ‘Is it to be male or female? Wretched or happy? What is its provision? What is its life-span?’ This is all decreed in the mother’s womb.”

· The baby develops from one stage to the other until it reaches full term. In Chapter 40 verse 67 of the Quran Allah tells us: It is He who has created you from dust, then from a drop of seed, then from a clot; Then He brings you forth as a child, then ordains that you reach the age of full strength and afterward that you become old-though some among you die before- and that you reach an appointed term, in order that you may understand.

· By Allah’s will the baby is born and progresses through life from one stage to another

· Until her time on Earth is complete and she returns to her Creator

What is it? Adolescence- balughat is a stage of development when your body goes thru changes at a fast rate under the effect of hormones produced in the body by the will of Allah Taa’la,

· Every baby girl is born with two ovaries

· and a uterus- a muscle the size of your fist where a baby can grow

· Allah produces hormones called estrogen and progesterone in your body

Changes in body will include:

· Hair grows underarms and in the private area- Muslims should clean these areas at least every 40 days- wax, cream or even shave.

· Sweat glands develop- Take regular showers as body odor tends to increase at this age

· The chest starts growing so it can produce milk when you get married and have a child

· The ovaries release an ovum (egg) every month

· The uterus prepares a thin layer of tissue to receive the ovum

· Upon puberty, the uterus shed this thin layer of tissue every month and it discharged from the body. This is your monthly period or menstruation.

Why do we get it? Little girls are starting to become women- the process takes several years but you have to learn to carry yourself like a Muslim woman. Over time your body matures so that one day it will be ready to be a mother when you get married. A healthy, able body is a trust from Allah. Allah made it, so He knows best how to take care of it and he tells us how through the Quran and Sunnah- by doing halaal and staying away from haraam. ‘This is something that Allah has decreed for the daughters of Adam.” Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said. Unlike Judaism, Hinduism or Christianity, Islam does not view your period as a curse. Our faith does not teach any connection between mentruation and Eve or the first sin- Islam does not preach that women are the source of evil. We believe that Hazrat Adam and Bibi Hawwa made the choice to disobey Allah together.

When will I get it? In Islam puberty cannot begin before the age of nine. If you do not menstruate by the age of fifteen (Islāmic years), you will have reached the age of puberty. A girl’s first period usually begins between the ages of 9 and 16. The average age is 12.5 years. Your best friend and you will probably not get it the same day or even the same year. Relax!!! as long as you are eating healthy, sleeping enough hours you have nothing to worry about. It is a special time chosen by Allah and it will happen when your body is ready of it.

Some signs that your body is getting ready:

· Developing Breasts. First, you’ll get breast “buds”. (Your breasts then can take up to 3-4 years to fully develop.) Generally you will get your period 2-3 years after your breasts start developing. The average age for breast buds is 10.5 years

· Growing Pubic Hair. Right after your breasts start to form, you’ll start developing pubic hair. It will be soft and thin at first, and then gradually become coarser. Your period usually arrives around 1-2 years after the hair development.

· Discharge. This is the big sign. You’ll start to experience vaginal discharge that will be either white or yellowish. If you like, you may want to start using pantiliners to protect your underwear. This is from Sunnah, the women of Madinah used to wear a piece of cotton wool (karsoof). Your period could start around 6-18 months after the start of discharge. A girl’s first few periods are usually light. You will lose about two to five tablespoons of blood over a period of two to eight days

There’s one more way to figure out when you’ll start menstruating: Ask your mom. You’ll probably get your period within a year or so of when she got hers.

Now I have it what should I do?

· Use a pad to wear with your underwear. Change the pad as often as you need to stay dry and comfortable. Keep some underwear exclusively for use during these days.

· When you get it you may get cramps- which is because your uterus is contracting- use a hot water bottle, exercise, drink hot tea and cuddle with your mom. If it really hurts ask your doctor if it is OK to take pain medication.

· It is perfectly normal not to have a regular pattern or habit the first few months or even few years. Start keeping a calendar and keep track of your habit, lots of rules depend on this.

· Make sure you wrap your used pad and throw it in garbage. It is really bad manners to leave them in plain sight. Do not flush down the toilet. You are not a little kid anymore; behave like a proud, clean Muslimah!

· During period you are excused from salah. This is a gift from Allah (SWT), as he knows how much a woman is suffering. Do not cut all connection with Allah. Do make wudu, sit and make zikr, duas, read duroood etc. so you don’t loose the habit of praying 5 times. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “… a woman can neither pray nor fast during her menses” (Sahih Muslim). You don’t have to make up the Salah
However; the menstruating woman must make up the missed days after Ramadan. Aishah (RA) said: “When we would have our menses during the lifetime of the Prophet, we were ordered to make up the days of fasting that we had missed but were not ordered to make up the prayers that we had missed.”(Sahih Al-Bukhari)

· After you are sure the bleeding has stopped than make ghusl*(a handout on how to take this ritual bath is included). Women used to send ‘A’isha (RA) little boxes containing pieces of cotton cloth which still showed some yellowness. ‘A’isha would say, “Do not rush [to do ghusl] until you see white cotton,” meaning by that purity from menstruation.’After you are sure that all discharged has changed to white then you are ready to make ghusl and get back to praying five times a day. “When we purified ourselves by doing ghusl after menstruation, we were allowed a small amount of light perfume.”

· Every religion has a corner stone the cornerstone of is Islam is HAYAA- modesty. We should try to act on this principle in every action of our lives. Don’t discuss your period around boys, men and younger sisters.

· Most importantly the pen has started flowing, every action is recorded now. You are responsible for your salah, your fasting in Ramadan is compulsory, hijab becomes fardh. Congratulations!

FIQHI ISSUES: I am not an a’lema, please always refer to a scholar for detailed questions on menstruation. However there are some basic fiqh questions that every Muslimah should learn and can be discussed in follow up sessions. The following are according to the Hanafi/Shafaee madhab and have been reviewed by Muftl Ibrahim Qureishi.

According to Imam Abu Hanifa (RA)- the maximum period a woman menstruates or has haidh is 10 days-after ten days it is called istehadha. The minimum amount of time between two periods is 15 days, if you start bleeding before the fifteen days then it is also istehadha. In istehadha a young woman has to pray regularly- just change your pad, clean your private parts and make fresh wudu before each salaat.

Purity is islam is of two types HOOKMI (ritual)and HAQEEQI(real).

So you may be bleeding but still not be impure or you may not be bleeding but you could be impure. For example: bleeding stops after two days and resumes on fourth day so you weren’t bleeding on day 3 but you were impure. In istehadha, you are bleeding but are pure.

ISSUE 1
If a young girl experiences bleeding for the first time, then it should be observed whether it continues for three days and three nights (seventy-two hours). {According to Imâm Shafi’î R.A. for twenty-four hours.} If it does, then it is menstruation.

ISSUE 2
If bleeding continues for more than three days and three nights and stops at any time within ten days and ten nights, then all of it would be menstruation, similarly all of it would be menstruation if bleeding continued for full ten days (two hundred and forty hours). {Fifteen days and fifteen nights according to Imâm Shafi’î R.A.}

ISSUE 3
If bleeding continued for full ten days and ten nights {Fifteen days and fifteen nights according to Imâm Shafi’î R.A.} then the ten days and ten nights will be menstruation and the bleeding beyond it is chronic discharge (istihadha).

Since any bleeding beyond ten full days is chronic discharge (istihadha). She should take a bath after ten days and start her prayer.

But if a woman is a mo’tâda [one who has a normal set menstruation period] and bleeding continues beyond her habit, then it should be seen, if it stops within ten days, all of it is menstruation and if it continues after ten days, then only the days of her habit would be regarded as menstruation and the days after that is chronic discharge (istihadha).

Therefore, she should perform make-up prayer for the days beyond her habit. If she has a habit of seven days and she bled for twelve days then only seven days would be menstruation and the rest chronic discharge (istihada). But if she bled for nine or ten days only then all of it is menstruation.

ISSUE 4
If a mubtadeah keeps bleeding continuously for a few months, then in every month ten days from the day when bleeding started, these are of menstruation and the remaining nineteen to twenty days are of chronic discharge (istihada) e.g. if bleeding started on the fifth of a particular month, the days between the fifth and the fifteenth of every month are of menstruation and from the fifteenth to the fifth of the next month are days of chronic discharge (istihada). Note: only Islamic (lunar calendar) must be used regarding Islamic matters.

ISSUE 5
If a woman notices blood for three full days and three nights or more, or any number of days up to ten days and ten nights and then remains clean for full fifteen days or more, and again sees blood for three or more days then both bleedings are called menstruation and the days in between are regarded as a period of purity.

ISSUE 6
If a woman notices blood for three days and three nights or more and then remains clean for fifteen days or more and again sees blood for less than three days then the first bleeding was menstruation while the second bleeding is chronic discharge (istihada) because the bleeding was for less than three days although the period of purity was for fifteen lays.

ISSUE 7
If a woman notices blood for less than three days and three nights and after full fifteen days or more sees blood again for less than three days then both bleedings are called chronic discharge (istihada) and she will be regarded as pure for all these days.

As soon as the bleeding stops within three days, she should make ritual ablution (wudu) and start her prayer during the last stages (end part) of mustahab [preferable] time (i.e. just before disliked (makruh) time). She must also offer make-up prayer for those days which she has missed while she was bleeding.

ISSUE 8
If a woman who is ritually pure puts on sanitary pads, etc. at night and in the morning when she removes it; she finds it to be blood-stained, then her menstruation starts only at the time when she sees the blood.

ISSUE 9
If a menstruating woman notices no sign of blood on her pad, then the clean period will be counted right from the time the pad was put on.

HANDOUT 1

GOT GHUSL?

1. Make the niyyah (intention) to perform ghusl for purification.

2. Wash your private parts thoroughly with water.

3. Perform wudu’ (ablution) except for washing of your feet, which you can do later after bathing the body. Sniff water up your nose up to the point where bone goes from soft to hard. Gargle three times.

4. Starting with your head wash the entire body, first the right side, followed by the left. Use scented body wash as the women companions used to use perfumed pieces of cloth to wipe off menstrual blood and clean their private parts three times.( Sahih Bukhari).

5. Wash the body 3 times. The minimum is once. Make sure your clean your belly button and behind earrings and rings. Every inch of the body must be wet.

Recite upon completing the ghusl

Allah humma ja’alnee minattawabeena wa ja’alnee minal muthahhareen
‘O Allaah, make me of those who return to You often in repentance and make me of those who remain clean and pure.’

At puberty all shariah rules go into effect:

• Salat (namaz)
• Fasting (sawm)
• Hajj
• Zakat
• Hijab

You are now solely accountable to Allah for all your actions, words & deeds. You can not use your parents as an excuse any longer.

Muslims should remove the hair in their private areas at least every 40 days- wax, cream or even shave.

HANDOUT 2

Be prepared. You should start carrying pads around with you in advance of getting your period. If you find yourself stuck at school without a pad , go ask to your school’s nurse.

If at any point while at school your period leaks through your clothing, excuse yourself to the office and get them to call your mom to bring you something to change into. These clothes are now najis and need to be washed. Avoid wearing white or light-colored pants and underwear during the week of your period to cut down on the chance of visible leakage as well.

A Girl’s First Period – A Regular Visit

When your first period finally arrives, don’t be too worried if it doesn’t stick around for long. Periods usually come every 28 to 30 days and last for three to seven days. But, if it doesn’t follow that schedule right away, it is perfectly normal not to have a regular pattern or habit the first few months or even few years. Start keeping a calendar and keep track of your habit lots of rules depend on this.

Basic Supplies

• Lots of pads
• A change of clothes kept in your locker at school.
• Tylenol, Panadol, Midol or Advil.
• A hot water bottle.
• Lots of chocolate!

Make sure you wrap your used pad and throw it in garbage. It is really bad manners to leave them in plain sight.

You are not a little kid anymore-behave like a proud, clean Muslimah!

Don’t touch the all Arabic Quran with your bare hands. Do not pray or fast during your period but make lots of duas, say the kalimah, read durood. Don’t forget Allah just you because you have your Period.

By Hena Zuberi Siddiqui –
“I am just a mama trying to raise my 4 kids . In my ‘other’ life I was TV news producer- mommyhood is way more exciting. My youth group kids (MYSCV) keep me in-the-know. I rather do halaqas than the laundry. Visit me at lordsfavors.wordpress.com.”

Good ol’ 1, 2, 3. It’s supposed to work like…well, magic! But for many of us who have tried it, and perhaps still use it, why does it seem like number 3 ran out of fairy dust? Somehow when we get to 3, nothing happens. Our child is still doing the naughty thing we were trying to stop him (or her from doing). So Junior (or lil’ ‘Aboodi) is still throwing his apple slices on the floor while we sit and watch helplessly in the other room, nursing his baby brother. “Aboodi! If you don’t stop throwing your apple slices by the time I get to 3, you’re getting a time out when I come in there! 1! 2! 3!….” Still the apple slices are flying. Or maybe it’s little Mariyam, who has decided to scream at the store, because we declined to buy her that scrumptious box of fruit snacks and the cart is now departing the aisle. “If you don’t stop screaming by the time I get to 3, then we’re not going to the Children’s Museum today! 1….2….3…” *Mariyam screams even louder*

Drat, in either case, nothing happened! They’re naughty as ever! So what do we do? Why, we call in the disc-scratch jockey of parenting (DJ Empty Threat!) and we skip it, baby! “3….3….I said 3333333!…..” And then we may even repeat that stanza and start the counting all over again, as if our child being naughty somehow disabled their hearing. “I said 1…2….3….”

So what happens when the 3 is skipping and Aboodi and Mariyam are still being bad? For most parents it’s an internal explosion, which usually manifests itself externally. Neither Aboodi nor Mariyam dropped the bad act at 3, so we’re ticked (and we even gave our child multiple chances with those 3’s!). We may scream at them, we may gripe endlessly, we may silently contort our faces in anger (and if it’s little Mariyam at the store we bang the cart along for good measure). And the internal commentary in our mind is sabotaging us–”How dare he?” “What’s wrong with her?” “Why must he make life so difficult for me?” “Aren’t I doing everything a parent is supposed to?” Why don’t they listen? And why don’t they obey?!

But are Mom and Pops really doing everything they’re supposed to? Are Ammi and Abu really making the contribution they’re obligated to? Something must be going wrong. It shouldn’t have to be this hard (and emotionally draining)! I know what you think is coming—a parental guilt trip about how you’re not spending enough quality time with your kids. Er (*buzzer sound*), wrong. But if we ever find ourselves in the above situation, we’re definitely not making a vital contribution that we promised to when we became parents. When we became a parents, we made a promise to keep our promises, and I’m not talking about that promise to take Junior to Chuck E. Cheese on Friday (although we should to keep that one too). We made a promise that if we say a consequence is going to happen as a result of our child’s bad action (or in some cases inaction), and our child continues that bad action, then we enforce the consequence we said we coming. We do not issue empty threats to our child. No extra 3s, no extra chances (could someone please fire DJ Empty Threat?). In other words we walk the walk, not just talk the talk.

Let’s go back to Aboodi and Mariyam. We told Aboodi that if he didn’t stop practicing his baseball pitch with those apple slices when we got to 3, he would get a time out when we were done nursing the baby. There’s no need to repeat that 3. If we got to 3 and the apple slices are still flying, then we just finish nursing the baby calmly (because there’s nothing we can do about the slices at the moment). Then, when we’re done, we put baby down and we walk into the kitchen and put Aboodi in the time-out we promised him he would receive, no matter how innocent he looks or how much he cries. Or with little Mariyam, we promised her that if she didn’t stop screaming, we weren’t going to take her to the Children’s Museum. Well, Mariyam decided to keep screaming, so what do we do? Hmm. After we’ve cooled off a little, we start to feel bad for little Mariyam. We’re really not going to take her to the Children’s Museum? She’ll be so sad. Heck, we’ll be so sad! But isn’t that what we promised her would happen if she didn’t stop? Indeed, it was, so we don’t take her to the Children’s Museum. Little Mariyam really feels the sting, but Mom and Dad always keep their promises.

When parents keep their promises, several things happen. Firstly, Aboodi and Mariyam always know to take what Mom and Dad say seriously. They know that if Mom and Dad issue a threat (“If you don’t stop, then X will happen”), it isn’t merely an attempt to intimidate with no follow-through. Therefore, when Mom and Dad say “X” is going to happen, Aboodi and Mariyam are highly likely to obey. They don’t want that consequence to be enforced, and they know it will be if they don’t stop, so they stop.

Another beautiful thing that happens when we keep our promises, is that we, as parents, are highly less likely to blow our tops. There’s no need to scream or gripe or let Shaytan run through our veins to show Aboodi and Mariyam just how angry and disappointed we are. We convey our displeasure to Aboodi and Mariyam by simply enforcing the consequence. The consequence does all the screaming for us. Aboodi and Mariyam may hate it that we keep our promise to discipline them, but we feel so much better, because Aboodi and Mariyam are learning the lesson they need to, and it took absolutely no loss of temper or emotional reactivity on our part (and subsequently, no parent-guilt). We just enforced the consequence calmly and moved on.

So the next time we wave our 1, 2, 3 wand, we’ll know that the magic isn’t really in the numbers, it’s in our child knowing that we keep our promises.

Questions you may have that will be addressed in the upcoming Screamfree Program:

Do I have to use 1, 2, 3, and time-outs? (hint: no)

Can Screamfree be used with older kids and teens? (hint: yes)

Why does it feel so difficult/painful for me to enforce consequences?

What if the consequence I said was coming is too harsh and I really don’t want to follow through with it?

I’m enforcing consequences without losing it but my child is worse than ever! Why?

I’m immediately enforcing consequences, but I still feel angry inside. Help!

How do I handle discipline in public or at other people’s homes?

Are there any forms of discipline that I should never use? Which ones are most effective?

What do I do if my spouse is not following Screamfree? Will it still work?

I’ll be doing an introductory talk on Screamfree Parenting on Thurs. March 4th at 6pm CST via teleconference. Just dial (712) 432-0075 begin_of_the_skype_highlighting              (712) 432-0075      end_of_the_skype_highlighting and then enter access code: 440036. See you there, insha’Allah!

Olivia Kompier

Screamfree Certified Leader

Does that sound odd to you? Or even jarring? Let me repeat it: parenting isn’t about kids, it’s about parents. We’ve always been told and believed the opposite: parenting is about kids. Parenting is about these younger human beings that we’ve been put in charge of. As parents we’re responsible for them—for making sure they have a strong sense of security and high self-esteem. We’re responsible for making sure they’re healthy and normal. We’re responsible for them receiving the best education possible. We’re responsible for providing all the opportunities we possibly can to insure that they are intelligent, well-rounded individuals. We’re responsible for them developing sound morals. We’re responsible for them staying out of trouble. We’re responsible for them choosing the right college and major, the right husband or wife. We’re responsible for them not going to Hell, for crying out loud! Right?

Wrong. Parenting is not about kids–it’s about us, the parents. And we are not responsible for our kids. Instead, we are responsible to our kids. And believe me there is a difference. In this article, I will insha’Allah talk about these two very important principles.

Parenting isn’t about kids, it’s about parents.

Where should our focus be during our daily interactions with our kids? Most of us focus outward, toward our children. We watch, monitor, guide, reprimand, discipline. We’re always thinking about them—about what they’re doing or not doing. Other times we’re thinking about what they should or could be doing. And then when one of our children misbehaves, we are most definitely focused on them. That’s the time when we must communicate to them that what they did was wrong, and sometimes we actually have to stop them from misbehaving first. Throughout these interactions we’re always focused on them.

It’s time, parents, for us to reprogram. If we want to be the most effective communicators possible, if we want to have the best relationship with our kids, and if we want to deliver the powerful message that certain behavior is not acceptable, then we absolutely must reprogram ourselves. It’s time to stop focusing on our children and start focusing on ourselves.

This means that as we watch, monitor, guide, reprimand, or discipline, we should be focusing inwardly, on ourselves, not on our children. Of course, we remain cognitively aware of what they are doing, but during these moments we need to be aware of what we are thinking and feeling. And most importantly, we need to be calm.

This is especially difficult during those moments when our children misbehave, because inwardly we begin to experience anxious emotions and thoughts. We began to feel angry, sad, resentful, frustrated, or even violent. We also experience thoughts along the same vein, such as “Why did she do that when I told her not to!” or “What was he thinking?!” or “I can’t believe she did that again!” Anxious feelings and thoughts are normal, and I am not saying that they can be eliminated. I repeat, you will not stop experiencing them. What you must do is not act (or shall we say “react”) on them.

When we remain calm, we have the ability to be the most effective parents. Our ability to communicate and discipline effectively is enhanced a hundredfold, if not more. Had we yelled, intimidated, guilt-tripped, or withdrew, we would have greatly reduced our effectiveness. So, the next time one of our children misbehaves, we should consciously recognize that we are experiencing anxious thoughts and emotions, and we should continue to focus on ourselves throughout our exchange with our child. We should remain calm and address the situation, using a calm face and voice, even when that means delivering some form of discipline. Even if a small child must be physically removed from a situation or have something confiscated, we should remain calm and communicate in a calm manner.

When we do this, our child’s ability to hear and understand the message we are communicating does not become hindered by our anxiety. Many of us have a misconception: if we act upset (by yelling or intimidating, for example) this will enhance our child’s ability to understand and internalize or message that their behavior was not acceptable. By displaying our anger, for example, we think we adding impact to the message, but in fact the opposite is true! When we yell or display anxious behavior, we are actually distracting from the message we are trying to deliver and reducing the likelihood it will have a strong impact.

When we are trying to communicate while displaying anxious emotions with a younger child, the child is no longer focusing on the misbehavior, but instead is wondering “How do I calm mom down?” or “How do I stop dad from yelling?” We know we’re yelling important words at them (“My cell phone is not a toy! You cannot play with it!”) but they’re not digesting the words. It’s like what they’re really hearing you say (or scream) is “Calm me down! You did this bad thing, so you must calm me down!” If you have an older child, your emotional reactivity will most likely conjure defensive or argumentative emotions and thoughts within them, or they may just withdraw all together. So instead of hearing what you’re saying, they’re thinking “Mom is so annoying” or “Dad is such a jerk” or “Whatever.”

Where is the moral development in that? Is that really seizing the opportunity to tell them that we must abide by moral principles, or respect boundaries, or adhere to rules, or obey their parents? Our display of anxious emotions and thoughts squelches that opportunity. So, I challenge every parent who is reading this article to apply this principle (focus on yourself and remain calm) for a week. Eliminate your emotional reactivity from your interactions with your children. They may be shocked or act even worse at first, because there has been a break in the cycle and they’ve been thrown off-balance by it, but you will very soon start to see a change in how they receive your parental messages.

We are not responsible for our kids, we are responsible to our kids.

We do not control our kids, whether they are six months old or sixteen years old. We do not control them. Your toddler will have a tantrum in the store if he wants to or your teenager will break her curfew if she wants to. A perfect example of this happened to me just today. My son knows that he’s not allowed to throw the ball in the house, but today he did it any way, because he wanted to, and when he threw it, it hit me right in the side of the head (painfully and knocking my glasses askew) while I was reading Qur’an. I felt angry and my first thought was “I have told him a thousand times that he is not supposed to throw the ball in the house!” But, despite my countless repetitions that he is not to do that, he did it today because he wanted to.

Many of us would feel entitled in that moment to let off some steam and some scream. We are also most likely experiencing some latent internal commentary: “That child did not obey me. I am responsible for making sure he follows house rules and he didn’t, so therefore his throwing the ball was a representation of my failure to control his behavior, and that stresses me out. I do a good job as a parent, so his behavior should be in line with my good efforts.”

At the end of the day, even if you do the most stellar job possible, your child will do what he or she wants to do. Accept this fact and feel the liberation within it. You do not control your child. You are not responsible for his behavior. If he misbehaves that is entirely his choice. As parents we are responsible for delivering those important moral and ethical messages—for letting our children know that certain behavior is unacceptable. That is our responsibility to our kids, so we should strive to be calm, effective communicators who effectively deliver discipline. We are not responsible for our children—for what they choose to do or not do. We are not responsible for our kids, we are responsible to our kids. We do not control them, but we do control ourselves. So, parenting isn’t about kids, it’s about parents. Let’s take ownership of that and apply it. Let’s start a revolution in our homes tonight, by becoming the calm, effective mothers our children need.

Olivia Kompier
Certified Screamfree Leader
www.screamfree.com

Photo Credit: desiredd